Q&A for How to Conduct a Memorial Service

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How can you reduce the cost of a memorial service?

David I. Jacobson
Funeral Home Director
David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.

David I. Jacobson

Funeral Home Director

Expert Answer

Everybody may have a different opinion on what's expensive and what's not expensive, but it's important that you get everything you want at a fair price so that when you walk away, you know that you were served really well. In order to get the best value for what you are paying for, understand exactly what you want and try to work with somebody who can help you achieve that.

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Question

What is the difference between a funeral service and a memorial service?

David I. Jacobson
Funeral Home Director
David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.

David I. Jacobson

Funeral Home Director

Expert Answer

A memorial service, by definition, is a service without the body present. A funeral service is a service with the body present. A memorial service is typically held if the burial is being held elsewhere.

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Question

What should you talk about in a memorial speech?

David I. Jacobson
Funeral Home Director
David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.

David I. Jacobson

Funeral Home Director

Expert Answer

Typically, people talk about their loved one that passed away, the relationship they had with the person, and how they affected each other.

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Question

We are having the memorial service at our church. Our basement is too small to accommodate all the people that will be there. Is it tacky not to have refreshments after?

Maria elisa bethia

Community Answer

Nothing you do at a memorial service is tacky, as everyone understands you are at maximum stress, pain and grieving. In most churches, there are a few people who will bring something to drink. Other people might bring cookies. Churches are very organized regarding things like this, so there's no need for you to worry about it.

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Question

What is the purpose of using candles in a memorial service?

Community Answer

Candles are often lit in remembrance or mourning, so they are frequently used in memorial services.

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Question

How do I create a nice, simple guest sign in book?

Community Answer

Many funeral homes have these available as part of the services or to purchase. If you would like something more personal you can purchase basic sign in books of different styles and sizes at most hobby or craft stores. You can include a photo/photos of the deceased and include the bulletin/funeral notice on the inside cover. You may also choose to include a quote or favorite scripture. For a bit less you can find blank or lined booklets at bargain stores with stationary or office products. You can add the items listed for a personal touch and include the date and nature of the service.

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Question

How soon after a private family service would it be appropiate to have a gathering for the rest of the family?

Community Answer

That is up to the immediate family. You could have it the next day or weekend. It's best to plan it on the sooner end so everyone can have the closure they need.

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Question

Do you pay the emcee for conducting the funeral service?

Community Answer

Yes, it is customary to pay a stipend to the speaker at a funeral service. More often than not, a clergy member or family friend delivers a eulogy and invites people in attendance to share memories about the deceased or view the casket, etc. If you do not have someone, usually the funeral home has such a person on staff. The funeral home may suggest an amount, however an acceptable sum would be $100-$200, and may vary slightly depending on your location.

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Question

How is the commitment of the ashes done?

Community Answer

You may say a few words before spreading the ashes somewhere.

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Question

How could we arrange a small memorial gathering for the other relatives after a private family internment?

Community Answer

Why would you exclude family members? Gather everyone together and hold a private family memorial. Sometimes a funeral is a good time to bury the past -- not just a cherished loved one.

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Question

This is an afternoon memorial. Do we need to wear black clothing?

Tamara

Top Answerer

No. You don't have to wear black. Other dark or neutral colors would also be appropriate, and it would be best not to wear anything very bright or flashy.

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