Q&A for How to Date Without Your Parents Knowing

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  • Question
    My boyfriend wants to hang out with me but I can't go out in public by myself and my parents won't let me date. How do I talk to him about this without hurting our relationship?
    Sarah Battilana
    Community Answer
    Being honest is the best option for your relationship. Express how you feel about him and how you value your relationship, and explain why you have to listen to your parents regarding their rules about you dating. Maybe you could talk to your parents about having your boyfriend (or "friend") spend some time at your home so they can get to know him better. That may make them feel more comfortable with you going out on an actual date.
  • Question
    What should I do if my boyfriend's guardian is homophobic and my parents are suspicious that we are dating?
    Sarah Battilana
    Community Answer
    You have a few options for what you could do. The first would be to talk to your parents and tell them the truth about the situation. You could say something like, "He and I are friends and like each other, but his guardian is homophobic and he isn't ready to come out to them yet." If your parents know you're gay, they may be understanding of keeping your relationship private. The other option is to insist that nothing is going on between the two of you, though that could make it harder to tell your parents you ARE dating at some point in the future.
  • Question
    How do you date in secret if you're in middle school?
    Sarah Battilana
    Community Answer
    It can be really hard when you're in middle school because you can't drive yet, and that will make it harder to actually go on dates. Try arranging group hangouts or inviting the person over to your house. Also, consider talking to your parents about why it is they don't want you to date. Maybe you can come up with some kind of compromise so that you don't have to lie to them.
  • Question
    My boyfriend's parents found our text messages and won't let him date me. Any advice?
    Sarah Battilana
    Community Answer
    You could try getting to know his parents and letting them get to know you. See if you could all have dinner together sometime so that they can see you're a nice person. If you continue to date him in secret and they find out, they really won't like you.
  • Question
    What should I do if my parents found out I was dating someone in secret? We decided not to stop seeing each other.
    Sarah Battilana
    Community Answer
    Be prepared for the consequences if your parents find out you're still seeing each other. Consider if the relationship is really worth lying to your parents and losing their trust. If you decide to keep seeing each other, be even more careful about keeping things secret as your parents will be watching you much more closely.
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