Q&A for How to Deal With Racist Parents

Tell her you're just as much "basically Asian" as you are "basically white." They are both part of your identity, and if you weren't for that Asian man she was once with, you wouldn't exist. Tell her it offends you to hear those remarks and you don't want to hear them.

It is racist, by definition, because it is a belief that discriminates among people solely on the basis of race and forgets that everyone has a right to determine where and how they live in favor of a segregationist worldview.

You can try educating them. Try explaining how her race and your race have nothing to do with the fact you want to date each other. If you think this is a good idea, you may want to introduce her so they can see that she's just another human (this may backfire, though, so think about this before doing so). You can try to make her appealing to your parents; for example, try to match up things your parents value to things your girlfriend can do. But honestly, sometimes parents don't come around. This isn't to say you shouldn't try, but be prepared if it doesn't turn out perfectly.

You could try to educate them, though that doesn't always work and you may be left disappointed. I do suggest just saying nice things about your friends every once in a while. Maybe if they ever meet, tell your friends to be extra nice and polite. Although saying, "They're not all bad" isn't the best argument, it might be the best starting point.

Show them some statistics supporting your stance from reliable sources. Tell them that race is not something you can control, and thus is a very unhelpful way of judging someone.

You should be able to convince them by finding legitimate statistics from reliable sources. Try a site like Google Scholar to find reputable, peer-reviewed, academic sources.

Your parents are very ignorant, I'm sorry. But they also cannot control who you date and who you marry once you're an adult. In the meantime, you will have to follow their rules, but it's okay to politely, respectfully tell them that their views are closed-minded and wrong.

A good response to offensive jokes can be to pretend you don't understand the joke and ask them to explain it. This is a way to make them think about the assumptions and stereotypes in the joke, and to get them to directly think about their own racism.

Your friend isn't his parents and in fact, he may well be mightily embarrassed by them too but can't do anything about them until he's an adult. Even then, it's pretty hard to tell your parents to behave differently. Talk to him about it. For now, you don't have to go to his house if his parents are discriminating against you and instead, you could try to arrange him coming over to your house or both of you could go somewhere else. Tell him that you're not comfortable with the comments his parents are making and you don't feel comfortable around them, but that you still want to be his friend. He may well get it.