Expert Q&A for How to Deal With a Cheating Girlfriend

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What should I do if I know my girlfriend cheated on me for a fact?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Counselor
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Counselor

Expert Answer

Nobody can tell you what to do since your path forward here is going to totally depend on what you think is best for you. The point is, you do not automatically have to break up with her. You can choose to stick it out and try to work through it together to rebuild your relationship, you can break up with her, or you can get support from a therapist. There is no single right answer here.

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Question

What if I'm not sure she has actually cheated, but I'm suspicious?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Counselor
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Counselor

Expert Answer

The fact that you're even having this thought is a sign that something is wrong. Either she is cheating and there's a problem there, or you think that she's cheating and there's a problem there. In either case, the first step is going to be to talk to her about it.

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Question

How do I confront my girlfriend to get her to admit it?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Counselor
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Relationship Counselor

Expert Answer

You don't. Confrontation is just going to make her shut down or push back. Try approaching the conversation from a more neutral, open perspective. That's going to be the best way to have a productive conversation where she's actually going to open up.

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Question

How do I deal with a cheating partner?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You deal with a cheating partner with directness and honesty. You are in charge...whether you forgive, need to ask more questions, or need to build in some time and space.

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Question

What should I do if my girlfriend is ignoring me?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Just come out and ask her if she needs some space. Let her know it is okay if she does. Don't stalk her if she wants some time apart. You deserve to know what is going one. Try to be patient.

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Question

How do you get over a cheating girlfriend fast?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You don't do this fast--so don't expect that! It is all a process; you have feelings involved that you have to own. Be kind to yourself if it takes some time. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.

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Question

If she's continuing with this after all the above steps are taken, what must I do?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

If your girlfriend continuously cheats on you, it's likely your relationship doesn't have a future. Tend to your own feelings and let the relationship go.

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Question

Can I revenge on her so I could feel better?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

It's unlikely that getting revenge would make you feel any better. It's immature to seek revenge and will likely harm you in the long term. Instead, talk things out with your girlfriend. Then, decide if you want to stay with her or move on.

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