Q&A for How to Deal With a Friend's Death

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Is dreaming about my best friend normal?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Yes, dreaming about the person you lost is a normal part of dealing with a death.

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Question

My best friend died last week in a car crash and I can't stop crying. I cry so much that I can't breathe and I feel like hurting myself. What do I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Let friends and family know how you feel and seek out their support. If you feel like hurting yourself, then it may be helpful to seek out professional help. Also, consider creating/doing something in their honor so that you can redirect your pain into something constructive.

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Question

How long does it take to grieve?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Grieving is an individual process and may ebb and flow over a long period of time depending on how one copes. If someone is allowed to grieve freely, it may take less time than someone who suppresses it.

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Question

What is a traumatic loss?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

A traumatic loss is one that is unexpected and sudden, sometimes under violent circumstances.

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Question

What do you say when someone dies?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

It depends on how well you know the person to whom you are talking, but simplicity can be effective. “My condolences” or “I’m sorry for your loss” is perfectly acceptable.

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Question

How do I get over a loss?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

A combination of expressing emotions in a healthy way, social support, and time are the best ways to get through loss.

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Question

How can I move on after a close friend passed away?

Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA.

Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

Find a way to grieve that feels true to you. Some people grieve outwardly, for instance—in that case, you might find it helpful to do something that would honor your friend. On the other hand, if you turn grief inward, you might find it more helpful to journal or write a letter to your friend telling them how much they meant to you.

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