Q&A for How to Deal With an Extremely Codependent Family

Setting boundaries is best done with a graceful or neutral tone. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you take care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier. When setting boundaries, there is no need to justify, give excuses, or explain your feelings—just be firm, gracious, and direct. When faced with resistance, repeat your statement or request. For example, if you have family members that show up unannounced, you might say "We appreciate seeing you and at the same time, we ask that you respect our privacy and call us first."

Not necessarily, unless the relationship becomes crippling and/or you are unable to establish boundaries. Regardless of the situation, if the individual involved is an able bodied adult and they've become dependent off of you, you must stop it or this individual will continue to be enabled. (Not healthy for you.)

You should help her by making her get a job. Tell her that you can no longer support her. If she respects you, she will comply. If not, you've more than fulfilled any responsibility you might have had for her and she will have to figure it out herself.

It rather seems your daughter is codependent and her partner shows narcissistic character traits. She needs to gain self-esteem, as she is being manipulated into believing his every word. Try to get her to build a strong relationship with friends/family members. She needs to understand that she can't change him. Maybe there is a traumatic experience she went through as a child. An experienced counsellor would be the best option

Claudia Black's "It'll Never Happen to Me" and her other books are good. Melody Beattie's "Letting Go" and "Codependent No More" and her other books are also great resources. Finally, check out ACA WSO "Adult Children:Alcoholic/Dysfunctional Families" and their other publications.

It would have been confusing to her at that age. To her it was about betrayal and not loving her Dad enough. Also take into account that for a little child who is grieving the greatest loss of her life, it would have been so traumatizing if she thought you were not grieving with her. Talk to her now and help her to understand your perspective. Take her out for social gatherings and help her to mingle with few friends. She will lighten up a bit and get a grip on real life. It seems like she is a bit withdrawn. If all else fails, go to a professional and get family counseling.

My suggestion would be to attend therapy with your husband. The therapist can listen to what both of you are thinking, and help him understand that he cannot save her from herself. Ultimately, this is an issue that should be taken up with a professional, rather than help groups. Once you make progress in therapy, then look for local groups where parents can discuss their stories. Alanon is for families of those who suffer substance abuse, and can help teach your husband about distancing and setting boundaries.

It's really up to you. But you're not responsible for your sibling. If they're in bad health and can't hold down a job, perhaps they're entitled to disability benefits from the government? Help them look into community resources and federal benefits. In other words, help them help themselves. Don't just give them money, because if you do that, you'll likely be doing it for the rest of your life.

Not unless they are willing to admit the codependency and get help to stop it. Otherwise, it is best for you to end things and leave. Often the codependent parent/child relationship is more important than any other and you don't want to spend your life feeling like a third wheel.