Q&A for How to Deal with Your Boyfriend Going Out

If he is engaging in behavior that is suspicious, then you have a right to not trust them. If he is going out with his friends all the time on weeknights, or going out late on weekends without you, and he is past a certain age and it is not really the standard behavior for his demographic, again, you have a right to be a little bit jealous. But if none of those things are going on, and you can't let your friend go out with his friends once in a while, or get jealous anytime he is talking to another person, that's a reflection on your insecurities. Then you have to figure out where these insecurities are coming from, why you're feeling this way and work on fixing them, otherwise the lack of trust will destroy your relationship over time.

There are a lot of reasons why you might feel anxious. It’s natural to worry if your boyfriend has given you reason to be concerned, like refusing to tell you where he’s going or what he’s doing, or behaving inappropriately when you’re not with him. If your boyfriend has never done anything like that and you still worry, it might be because you had trust problems in a previous relationship. Help clarify your worries by thinking about what exactly it is you’re afraid of. Try to identify what’s triggering those specific fears so you can resolve them.

It depends a lot on the kind of relationship you have with your boyfriend. In general, it’s best to save texting for when something urgent comes up, since blowing up his phone with texts will interrupt his time with his friends. However, if you and your boyfriend text each other all the time anyway, it’s probably fine. You can always ask him how he feels about it, too!

Trust is a key element in any healthy and successful relationship. If you feel like you can’t trust your boyfriend, it’s important to communicate with him openly and honestly. Tell him how you feel in a way that doesn’t sound accusatory, and make a suggestion about what he could do to reassure you. For example, “I feel worried and insecure when you’re out with friends and I don’t hear from you. Can you check in with me occasionally while you’re out?” If you’re in a serious relationship and trust is a major issue, consider asking him to go to couples counseling with you.

If you're feeling upset or down in the dumps, it's totally fine to reach out to your boyfriend, even if he's busy. Just keep in mind that your boyfriend may want to hang out with his friends longer, so he may not stop hanging out with them right away. However, you can always ask him to hang out with you later or the next day.