Q&A for How to Deal with a Cranky Senior Citizen

It's difficult to be old; everything hurts and their bodies don't work as well as they used to, and the world has changed so much from the time of their youth. It can be frustrating and frightening, and lots of people respond to these emotions with anger. Be compassionate.

Explain to him that there is a lot more identity theft going in these days and the doctor's office is trying to make sure they are treating the right person. Along those lines, also explain that the security measures they are taking are to protect him, not infringe on his privacy. See if you can get him another photo ID that you can keep and show to the medical personnel.

If you want your parents to be nicer to you, start listening or pretend to understand their rules, or how they are feeling. Sometimes when parents are mean, they are stressed out, and are taking it out on you. If you comfort them, or ask them if they are okay they might start to notice that you notice something is wrong with their emotions. Something that really makes parents mad, is talking back, or proving yourself right. It's hard not to talk back, but say something that they might agree with, or if have been disrespectful in any way, it does not hurt to apologize to them. (Even if you did not do anything.) Be respectful, listen to them actively and reflect back their concerns with some offers of help or basic advice. Don't stay around them too long and point out when they start complaining that there are solutions they can avail themselves of.

You may find that the methods in Handle Angry Customers work well in this situation.

Seniors often don't need a bath every day. They are not getting hot and sweaty from exercise, work, etc. My 83-year-old father in law gets a shower every other day or every 3 days and (luckily) does not smell! The exercise/walking is a bigger challenge. Is he physically capable, just unwilling? You might try putting on some music and doing some gentle exercises together with him. As for walking, does he need a walker/cane/wheelchair? Is he afraid of falling or tripping? Does he have suitable shoes to wear? Could an outside physical therapist assess him and possibly do home visits to help encourage him? Sometimes a fresh/new and exciting/outside face can get better results than family.

Remember that spending time with your grandparent is doing a great kindness to him/her. Really that's really all elderly people want... companionship. Also, try to remember that one day you too will be old (but hopefully less cranky). If the crankiness is really troublesome, focus on your grandparent for a specific amount of time. That way you both know when it will end. Say, for example: "Hi Grandpa, I can spend two hours here with you. Let's play a game/look at this photo album/listen to this record, and then I will need to go home and study."