Q&A for How to Not Be Creepy

Yes. That would be both creepy and morally wrong. It could also get you into legal trouble, as that could be seen as identity theft.

Of course not! If you're autistic, interacting well with other people will take more effort, but it can be done. Work on being kind, patient, and understanding. If you're confused about other people's thoughts or feelings, just ask: "Are you upset?" "Is now a good time?" "Am I bothering you?" Explain that reading body language is hard for you, and ask people to clarify. Respect any boundaries they set. A developmental disability doesn't make someone creepy; it just means that there may be extra challenges. Building a reputation as a respectful, kind person can go a long way.

No. Taking a quick glance at them actually makes you seems normal, just that you show interest in them. And if you're actually talking to the person, you should be looking at them most of the time.

It's all about balance. You should definitely be yourself, be outgoing and energetic, but learn to rein it in a bit, especially around people you don't know too well.

Yes, some of the examples in this article are indeed illegal if you do the opposite. Not respecting boundaries is a big one. If you show up at someone's house uninvited, or repeatedly, they may have you arrested for stalking. If you make unwanted sexual advances, you can get arrested as well. Or even if you sneak up on someone, that can be harassment, which can have legal consequences. Though when you flirt a little with a staff member of a restaurant, they won't immediately get the police to taser you, unless you don't stop as soon as they indicate you to stop. Then it's jail for you.

Yes, very much so. Even if you don't follow them around, the schedule-referencing is already creepy. What use do you have for any of this information? "Oh, you say you were at the library? But your schedule says you were hanging out with Rosie!" Creepy! And it's worse if you follow them around. "The library? Then why did I see you with Rosie at the hamburger place?" Super creepy! If they are your children, then obviously you ought to know their schedules; since you made it yourself, you don't need to look it up.

Yes! Unless you have permission, you should absolutely never go through someone else's stuff.

Yes, it can be creepy to trick people into doing things that makes them uncomfortable, depending on what you're tricking them into doing. This shows that you don't respect their boundaries and have no problem forcing them to do things that they have clearly said they don't enjoy.

Keep it casual. It doesn't have to be creepy at all, just say "Hey, [their name] this is [your name], I got your number from [whoever], just wanted to say hi," and then go from there, assuming you receive a favorable response.

Sure. For example, if you have personal boundaries against anyone with a red t-shirt, you cannot invoke those boundaries to demand they all leave the room, or change clothes, or never wear red again when they know they'll meet you. My boundaries end where yours begin. And that is true for everyone. Anytime you try to infringe on someone else's boundaries just to safeguard your own, you're abusing your own boundaries.

Nakedness leads to sex, which leads to babies. Not only is a pregnant woman unable to "work the fields" and contribute to the "survival" of our "tribe", meaning the other tribe members have to carry her share of the work, it also means the tribe has an extra mouth to feed, at least for five years before any useful work can be expected from the kid, like herding the sheep. This is, obviously, millennia ago, but the roots of it still apply. To make sure whoever got her pregnant also takes his responsibility in this extra work, we invented marriage, and to prevent frivolous sex, we invented clothes. Also, clothes keep us warm.

Because it is unexpected. Imagine you have a safe at a bank, a really big one. It's deep inside the bank's building, with layers of security just to get to it, not to mention your personal codes and keys. But when you open it, a clown steps out. It is an unexpected event at a very personal level. An exhibitionist may feel the need to show their stuff in public, but at some unconscious level it also forces anyone who sees it to consider the question of them engaging in sexual acts with this person, which is not something you ask before saying "Hi, my name is ..." There are steps to take before you get to sex, and skipping them is intimidating.

Absolutely. This is a creepy thing to do on a date.

If you aren't sure how to touch someone without coming off as creepy, it's best to not touch people until you become more familiar with them and their likes/dislikes in terms of physical contact.

Because she feels her autonomy is threatened. If someone is confronted, men and women alike, they feel they have not been given time to consider what they want, and have to decide on your question then and there. If she's walking alone in the afternoon and you see your chance to tell her you love her, she is forced to deal with it then and there, while she was having other thoughts to think about. You're claiming her time, and by doing so saying, "Your thoughts are not as important as what I want". This is intimidating and can be infuriating.

Ignore the bully and talk to the victim. Smile at them and say "Hi, how are you?", "Want to come sit with me?" or "Are you okay?" You can also physically get in between the bully and the victim, to impede the bully. Help the victim get away from the bully, and be kind to the victim.

It can be illegal to do that; it is inappropriate behavior, definitely if you do this repeatedly. Also, nobody in the whole wide world would believe this excuse. She knows you were staring, everyone around you knows, and you yourself know. But there's one more reason why you shouldn't stare: now it's likely too late to talk to her. You may already be "that creepy staring dude", so there's no chance she'll consider you romantically. The lesson is: as soon as you like someone, talk to her. Get to know her, fall for the actual person, instead of your imagination. Give her a chance to get used to you, get to know you.

No, it is not. The laws governing consent differ from country to country, but laws reflect the highest standard of human interaction. The current thinking is that you need consent twice: once to be allowed to film, and once more to be allowed to post it anywhere. In addition, once consent is given, it can be taken away at any time. If consent is taken back, then any filming you do afterward is illegal, but not the filming you did during the time frame when consent was given. If you deliberately film or photograph someone without their permission, you expose yourself to legal repercussions.

The debate on this is still very much ongoing. As far as I can find, the key argument here is that most women in prostitution are doing this against their will. If a woman should feel like having lots of sex with lots of men while getting paid for it, I'm personally not sure if that is so wrong, though I wouldn't go for it myself, what with being safe and protecting yourself from diseases. But if she's there against her will, not even getting any of the money her customers pay, that's wrong.

Not in and of itself, no. This behavior is bad, but not necessarily creepy; it depends on what you're lying about.

That, too, is inappropriate behavior. If you feel threatened, scared, creeped out, etc., then you are, regardless of whether it's the other person's intent. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you have the right to ask someone to stop this behavior. If asking directly doesn't work, always go a level higher (teacher, police, etc.).

Avoid looking for one-on-one situations with her - if you see her by herself, do not, I repeat, do not go up to her. Instead, actively show that you're leaving her alone. In a group, show that you're not a creep.

Leave both of them well and true alone. No contact, no messages, no texts, no conversations, not even being friends on social media - nothing. Stay away from them. You said it yourself: you were majorly creepy. It takes time for that to go away before it will get better again. Block her from harassing you, but leave both of them alone.

Did you know the army salute of a hand to the temple comes from knights in their armor? They used to raise the visors on their helmets in a gesture that said "This is me, I am not hiding behind a mask." That same openness makes you look less creepy, no matter what you wear. Just approach each human interaction with openness, respect and kindness. Listen more than you speak, and take an interest in the other person.

Your freedom ends where someone else's begins. You are free to be as creepy as you like for as long as you like. But once you cross someone else's borders, you will receive consequences. If you act creepy, the other person will feel creeped out, and sooner or later you'll get a complaint against you. Those will pile up, you'll get charged; keep it up and you'll go to jail. But it gets worse. Sooner or later you're going to want something from someone, and no one will be left willing to help you.

I work in Brussels, where French-speaking colleagues greet each other with a kiss on the cheek (men too). Now imagine if I secretly loved a female colleague. If I in any way let it show that I like her kissing me, I'd get fired. It's not the distance you keep, it's your behavior. The kiss is just a greeting, a normal cultural act, and if I read or put more into it than there is to it, that would be creepy. You can get as close to any woman as you want, but only with her permission, and you have to respect her boundaries.

If you think she doesn't think you're looking at her, but you are looking at her, and if she then does think you're looking at her, then she's right. And it makes you super creepy. Having been creepy in the past, sets a precedent. And if she now says you're looking at her even if you're not, that precedent speaks against you. You have to make an extra effort to not look at her, not to better hide it.

To fix it, you have to make sure to not be creepy ever again, and if you were not but only came off as so, then never again come off as so. Beyond this, you just have to hope that the person will want to stick around long enough to change impressions of you.

Not creepy, no, but callous, selfish and overpowering? Yes. Now, you can't have anything in between either having or not having kids. You can't have just a leg, nor can you take out a kid from the library for three weeks. So if they want kids and you don't, there's no compromise. It may be that they have their heart set on having kids, know you don't want to, and since they decided to be with you anyway they calmed their stress by telling themselves "they'll change their minds". It can be a rough awakening if you never do. But it's not up to them to change your mind. And if they force, or worse: manipulate you to change your mind, the awakening will be even rougher.

Nothing. Because there's nothing wrong with you, especially since you're already doing this introspection to check if you're okay. Look, just because people say you're creepy, it doesn't mean you are. What if their creepiness meter is way off and they find everyone with shoes creepy? Will you stop wearing shoes? Sure, ask some people you trust, have them be honest, even if it's rough on you. Like my friends telling me in high school I should wear deodorant - I had no idea that people wear deodorant! But assume you are mostly alright with a few improvements, and they just have some perception in their head.