Q&A for How to Politely Tell Someone That Something They Said Offended You

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  • Question
    How do you handle inappropriate comments at work?
    Sheila A. Anderson
    Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
    Sheila A. Anderson is a Certified Image Consultant, International Branding Icon, and the Founder of Image Power Play, an impression management and personal branding company. With over three decades of experience, she specializes in empowering corporate professionals to raise their personal image to meet the value of their brand. Sheila is a Certified Image Consultant with The Image Resource Network and a Certified Universal Style Consultant with The Universal Style International. Sheila is a member of the C-Suite Network Advisors and the author of the book, I.C.U., The Comprehensive Guide to Breathing Life Back Into Your Personal Brand.
    Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
    Expert Answer
    Pause for a moment and ask the person to repeat what they said. Doing this gives the other person a chance to really hear and re-think their comment.
  • Question
    How do you respond to inappropriate remarks?
    Sheila A. Anderson
    Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
    Sheila A. Anderson is a Certified Image Consultant, International Branding Icon, and the Founder of Image Power Play, an impression management and personal branding company. With over three decades of experience, she specializes in empowering corporate professionals to raise their personal image to meet the value of their brand. Sheila is a Certified Image Consultant with The Image Resource Network and a Certified Universal Style Consultant with The Universal Style International. Sheila is a member of the C-Suite Network Advisors and the author of the book, I.C.U., The Comprehensive Guide to Breathing Life Back Into Your Personal Brand.
    Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
    Expert Answer
    Tell the person how their words may you feel—they might not realize that their comments came across as negative. You can also ask them to clarify what they mean as you work through the conversation.
  • Question
    Why is it important to be polite in the workplace?
    Sheila A. Anderson
    Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
    Sheila A. Anderson is a Certified Image Consultant, International Branding Icon, and the Founder of Image Power Play, an impression management and personal branding company. With over three decades of experience, she specializes in empowering corporate professionals to raise their personal image to meet the value of their brand. Sheila is a Certified Image Consultant with The Image Resource Network and a Certified Universal Style Consultant with The Universal Style International. Sheila is a member of the C-Suite Network Advisors and the author of the book, I.C.U., The Comprehensive Guide to Breathing Life Back Into Your Personal Brand.
    Certified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon
    Expert Answer
    Having good manners is a key part of having great executive presence. It says a lot about your character and trustworthiness when you handle yourself with grace and control during a difficult situation.
  • Question
    My best friend did some stuff that I do not think was meant to hurt me, but did. How can I tell her that it hurt me so that she will not repeat it, but still keep the good friendship we have?
    Community Answer
    Be honest, be direct, and bring it up immediately in your conversation. You have to stand up for yourself. Don't be accusatory, simply tell her how her actions made you feel.
  • Question
    What if a friend repeatedly puts me down?
    Community Answer
    If you have tried the methods in this article and your friend continues to treat you badly, you may need to end the friendship. You can even tell her that you're sad to do so. However, if she can't treat you with respect, you aren't able to spend time with her. It's not healthy for you.
  • Question
    I'm the head teacher and have disagreements about teaching styles with another teacher. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Don't immediately assert your power over her. Be gentle (I know it's hard) and drop hints about your authority. Try to list out the pros of your teaching style, but also listen to her teaching style, so that she feels you are listening. Then counter her style with your own.
  • Question
    I wear hearing aids and still have trouble hearing if a person talks very low. One friend gets irritated if I can't hear her and I ask her to repeat herself. This offends me, what do I do?
    Angiebrahimi
    Community Answer
    Try telling your friend that, even though you are wearing hearing aids, they don't make all sound perfectly clear. If she has a problem with that, tell her that she needs to speak louder to you. My neighbor wears hearing aids, so I know it can be kind of stressful to have to repeat yourself all the time, but she should be willing to put in the extra effort to accommodate you without being rude about it, especially if she is a friend.
  • Question
    I was on Devianart and I saw a friend's artwork, and one of the characters said "OMG," but spelled out all the way. I'm a Christian, so this made me mad. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Well, not everyone is a Christian, so not everyone finds this as offensive as you do. Unless they were drawing the picture for you, you should not be mad. They have a right to express themselves. If it was meant for you, just politely ask them to remove the "OMG" part.
  • Question
    At Christmas, I wanted to take photos of my 21-year-old grandson for his mother who couldn't be with us. He snapped when I asked him to smile. His remark shocked me so much I put the camera away.
    Community Answer
    It sounds like maybe he was upset about something else and lashed out at you, which isn't right, but it's not uncommon behavior for young people. You should ask him why he reacted like that, and let him know that he can talk to you at any time.
  • Question
    My neighbors on both sides went to our friend's home for dinner and I was not invited. I have always invited these people to my house.
    Community Answer
    Don't think too much of it this time, and keep inviting them to yours. If they continue not to invite you, then you may want to reevaluate these friendships. If they repeatedly spend time without you, and there's no reason for it, you deserve better and you should move on.
  • Question
    How do I tell my sister and mom they're being very rude to me?
    Community Answer
    Sit down with them. Tell them how you're feeling. Be polite, but assertive, and tell them exactly what they've done to upset you. Ask them if they could refrain from saying these things to you in the future.
  • Question
    Someone said that I only care about myself, when that's not true, and it really hurt me. I'm scared I will make them mad if I ask about it. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    If it's someone whose opinion matters to you, then you should talk to them about it. Ask them why they said this. Be calm, and show a genuine interest in their response. If you feel like they have a valid point, tell them you will make an effort to change. If it's someone whose opinion is not that important to you, try to just put this thought out of your head. They may have just been having a bad day, and if they don't know you very well, there's no reason to worry too much about their opinion.
  • Question
    My friends are being assholes and I don't like them. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Well, for starters, look at the situation. What have they done to irritate you? If it is something minor, look at it from a different perspective as they are human and make mistakes. If it something serious, ask yourself "why do I continue to put up with this?" You deserve better. Although making new friends is easier said than done it IS possible. If you are in middle/high school try to reach out to certain clubs that have hobbies that you enjoy, or join online communities. Focus on what you need right now, not how you can make everybody else happy. Toxic relationships will do anything BUT help you. They will hurt you and drag you down. Stop this before it goes further.
  • Question
    Every time I’m depressed my best friend will tell me to “Just think positive,” this makes me feel ashamed of being sad and offends me. How can I politely tell her that?
    Siren
    Community Answer
    For someone who deals with depression myself, I understand why you would feel like that and it also doesn't help to say that either because you can be so into the sadness where you can't get out of it. Tell them how you feel when you are in a more stable state. Maybe even think over what you're going to say and the different ways they could respond. Whatever feels more comfortable (in person or texting/calling if you have access to a phone). And you can say something like "Hey, those times where I get depressed and you tell me to think positive––I just would like you to be aware it doesn't help much because it makes me feel ashamed of being sad." And think of ways they can help you.
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