Q&A for How to Spot an Online Dating Scammer

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  • Question
    Who do romance scammers target?
    Maya Diamond, MA
    Relationship Coach
    Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 15 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Scammers can target anyone. If you haven't met someone in person and they're saying, "I love you," there's a good chance they're a scammer, especially if they haven't made an effort to meet you. Another huge clue is when they say that they're working in another country, but that they need money to come to your country to visit you. Unfortunately, that's a common scam that affects a lot of people, even people who are very smart, intelligent, and successful.
  • Question
    What should I do if a man asks for my full name and address so he can send me gifts from overseas?
    Community Answer
    Don't do it. That is too much information for someone you don't know.
  • Question
    How can I know if people are scammers online?
    Community Answer
    Pay careful attention to whether there are any inconsistencies in their stories. Also, beware of anyone who addresses you with "Dear..." Most scammers do this.
  • Question
    Should I trust my gut when speaking to a someone through an online dating service?
    Community Answer
    You shouldn't trust anybody online until you have met them in person. This is especially for dating sites.
  • Question
    How do I get more pictures of someone online who I think might be a scammer?
    Community Answer
    Make this a condition for you two to talk any further. If you pursue this conditional stance, and the other person gets mad or says he's hurt, walk away.
  • Question
    My online suitor for eight months would like to transfer his account from another country to my account. It's a big amount. I haven't met the guy before. I don't believe he could easily trust me since we met only online. Is there a sign of fraud in this?
    Community Answer
    He would need your account info. Once he has that, he can withdraw money from your account. Have him open an account with your bank, and transfer the money to that account. Once that is done, and in time, he can add you to that account. Once you see that all is good, then you could have him transfer it to your account, but I would encourage you to keep separate bank accounts, just in case things don't work out. My gut though, is telling me he is a very patient scammer.
  • Question
    Can they still be scamming you even if they don't ask for money? Do they contact you once you call them scammers?
    Community Answer
    Some scammers find ways to get your money without asking for it. Some scammers will disappear if you call them scammers, but some will try to convince you otherwise.
  • Question
    Should I trust a girl who won't give me her phone number or let me see her Facebook account?
    Community Answer
    If she contacted you first that might be a red flag, but if you contacted her first, she might be trying to be cautious. Look for other signs.
  • Question
    How long should you communicate on site before giving someone your number?
    Community Answer
    Online isn't the best place to hand over your number. Suggest a meet-up in a public place instead.
  • Question
    I have a friend that uses a dating site and the women he's speaking to lied about their age. Now apparently her father is making threats to him unless he sends money via Western Union. The phone number is on the other side of the states and she is threatening to get the law is involved. What should he do?
    Community Answer
    He should report this threat to the site and see what they do. Then, it's best to get him to tell police or another family member on the issue because he is a victim of extortion. Help him to see he is not the one in the wrong.
  • Question
    If someone I met online is always spending money on me, and then asking me to send them money in return, could these be signs of a scam?
    Community Answer
    Scammers don't usually spend money on their victims, rather they demand money from their victims and it never stops. However, spending money on you and then turning around and asking for money could be a case of bait and switch to lower your guard, so be careful. Ask why they need money so badly if they are spending it on you, as it'd just be easier if they kept that money for their own needs!
  • Question
    How can I tell if someone is an online scammer?
    David M. Curtis
    Community Answer
    First, determine if their photos are real, by asking them to take a photo touching a specific place on their face, their nose, eyebrow, somewhere people normally never touch while taking photos. Second, be upfront with them and say, "If you ever ask for money or other gifts, you will never hear from me again, I wont be able to trust your motives after that." Most scammers when spoken to that directly will end the conversation, and won't reply to you again. If you are still not certain, you can be even more direct by saying that you report any dating fraud you encounter to the FBI's Internet Crimes Division, IC3, which is something you actually are able to do.
  • Question
    This woman I met on a dating site was told she has to empty money from an account from her late father, but he died 10 years ago. There are some taxes to pay before she can receive millions. Is this a scam or real?
    Community Answer
    Definitely a scam. Don't let anyone you meet online trick you into giving them money.
  • Question
    Is it a scam if someone online asks that I pay for a package to be sent to my country?
    Community Answer
    Yes, it is a scam.
  • Question
    My online girl keeps asking me to get a credit card to send money. She said to get an Exxon card, is she trying to scam me?
    ture znipp
    Community Answer
    Yes, that's a scam. "She" just wants money. Just leave "her" and don't send her anything.
  • Question
    Is it a scam if the person I am talking to claims she lives alone and wants me to fly to where she is, but she never answers when I video call her?
    Community Answer
    Likely. If you fly out of town then your home might be available to be robbed. Not all scammers fit the normal scammer profiles.
  • Question
    There is a man from Gambia asking me to send money or buy him a battery for his phone. What should I say or do?
    Moonmodule1998
    Top Answerer
    Ignore him. Block him on whatever sites or platforms he's contacting you on. This is almost certainly a scam.
  • Question
    If a 24-year-old woman from Ghana asks a 60-year-old man for money, it is probably a scam?
    Moonmodule1998
    Top Answerer
    Yes, probably a scam. Never give money to people on dating sites. Especially if you're older, as you're more likely to be targeted.
  • Question
    Where I can report a scammer from the UK?
    Gold Dollz
    Community Answer
    Since you can't get the person's real id, your best bet is to try and involve your town police in your conversation. They can trace his IP address.
  • Question
    My mom started dating a guy who apparently got a huge deal for a contract in South Africa. His luggage got lost on the ride there, and he needed my mom to send him a new phone and computer. He mainly emails her and tells her how much he loves her. Is this a scam?
    Community Answer
    Yes. Scammers fake love to get what they want.
  • Question
    Someone asked for money for surgery due to a car accident in Cape Town. He is in the hospital and had no insurance when he got there. Should I consider this a scam?
    Community Answer
    Unless this is someone you know from outside the internet, then absolutely! This is a major red flag! No decent person would try to ask a random stranger for a large amount of money from a different country, regardless of the situation.
  • Question
    Can a scammer send you money?
    Community Answer
    Yes, this is common in Nigerian scams. I was scammed on Craigslist by a man pretending to be a woman, who mailed me a fraudulent check for thousands and wanted me to cash it and pay them the difference. I got out of it though. Beware!
  • Question
    Could she be a scammer? I think the pictures are real, because every time I ask for one, she sends one. But she won't video chat and she's asking for money for a plane ticket to see me.
    Community Answer
    That's totally a scam. Don't send "her" anything. "She" just wants your money. Those pictures could be coming from anywhere. You could be talking to a guy who's sending you pictures of his girlfriend. Trust me, this isn't on the level.
  • Question
    I joined a dating site called "Law of Attraction Singles" that I paid for, but I can't access the site, and I haven't received an answer to my communication. Is this a scam? If so, what do I do?
    Community Answer
    Try to get a refund. A dating site should be free, and the website you signed up for was most likely a scam. If you don't manage to cancel your account, you can contact your bank/credit card issuer and have them stop any further payments from being withdrawn by this company.
  • Question
    Why would a scammer want a photo of my driver's license?
    Community Answer
    Someone might want this photo to obtain your personal information or produce a fake copy to use for themselves. You should never give a stranger any of your personal information.
  • Question
    What if I have been added to his credit card, from which I take out money and deposit it into multiple other accounts?
    Community Answer
    This sounds a lot like fraud. This could be a way for him to launder money. It would be best to remove yourself from all of his accounts by contacting the credit card company directly.
  • Question
    What if I gave someone my number already? Can I still be scammed?
    Community Answer
    Of course you can. What number did you give them? If you mean your phone number, just make sure you don't reveal any more personal information over the phone. If you mean your credit/debit card number, you've already been scammed. Call your bank or credit card company and tell them what happened.
  • Question
    I have a friend who is being scammed, but she believes everything he says. I have even showed her pictures of the man that the scammer is using, and she still believes everything he says.
    Community Answer
    If you have tried absolutely everything to stop her, but she still doesn't believe you, then there isn't really much you can do. Tell her to be cautious, and try not to gloat too much when this situation inevitably goes wrong.
  • Question
    On a dating site, if one of my matches asks for my personal email, should I be worried?
    Community Answer
    You shouldn't automatically be worried, but you should be cautious. If you haven't talked to the person much, you can tell them you're not comfortable giving out your personal email at this point or that you'd just rather talk on the site for now. If you've been talking for a while and you're very comfortable with the person, you can share if you want. You could also just create a new email address separate from your regular email and use that. If you end up getting spam or inappropriate messages from someone, you can delete that email account or just stop checking it.
  • Question
    Why are the scammers asking for iTune cards? I have had several of these emails in the last couple of weeks.
    Fort ifier
    Community Answer
    They don't want to make it seem like they're literally asking you for money. They're scamming you in a way that is so unusual and confusing that you don't even think about the fact that they're asking you to spend money on them!
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