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How do you not get used by friends?

Christy Irvine, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Christy Irvine is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the owner of her private practice out of Portland, Oregon. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in individual and couples therapy using various techniques including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Interpersonal-Process Therapy, and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT). Dr. Irvine holds a B.A. in Psychology from Whitman College and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The University of Connecticut.

Christy Irvine, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

If you think that your friends are using you, it may be time to look at these relationships and ask yourself what you're getting out of these friends. If they're taking advantage of you, they may not be the best people to associate with.

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Question

What if I don't think they're using me on purpose?

Christy Irvine, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Christy Irvine is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the owner of her private practice out of Portland, Oregon. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in individual and couples therapy using various techniques including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Interpersonal-Process Therapy, and Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT). Dr. Irvine holds a B.A. in Psychology from Whitman College and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The University of Connecticut.

Christy Irvine, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

If this is the case, just talk to them about it. Set some clear boundaries regarding what you're willing to put up with. It's possible that they don't even know what they're doing.

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How can I handle a social event when I'm not accepted or liked by the members of my peer group?

Community Answer

Assuming you have done nothing to give the group a reason for reject or dislike you, if you do not have to be there, don't go. Send the host a note thanking them for the invitation, but say you cannot attend. If you must attend, make an exit plan before you arrive. Be respectful and hold your head up. Stay for a reasonable amount of time. Bring a book or focus on your phone to pass time. Then, go to your exit plan.

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Question

What if the person is my friend? And without her, I will be a loner and I have tried making other friends but it never works out. By the way, I have known this person since I was three.

Community Answer

Look, it's never a good idea to stay with someone who treats you badly just because you're scared of being alone, in friendships or romantic relationships. Sometimes you have to let go to open yourself up to new experiences and new people.

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If my friend is being used, can I use these steps to help them?

Community Answer

Yes. Try to open their eyes and let them see they're being used. Make sure you support and tell them you're there for them.

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Question

What if the person is holding something important over me (e.g. ride to college, food)?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Get a third person involved. If you keep it between the two of you, nothing will ever change. It's a bit like if you're sick, and you go to the doctor who can cure you, but only if you bake him an apple pie every day. In that case you would get a supervisor or a board or physicians involved, so do the same here. Alternatively, you can point that the person is being unfair. If it was agreed that you ride along to college, then that must be honored, without additional favors from you. I would also look into other ways to get to college.

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Question

My husband uses me whenever he wants! What should I do?

Rainie's

Community Answer

What do you mean by "uses"? I've learned that we teach people how to treat us. Meaning if you allow him to use you, then he will. If you communicate and let him know how you feel and refuse to accept his behavior, he should change. You definitely need to have a conversation about your feelings.

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My in- laws take me for granted, and my husband doesn't tell his parents they are wrong. What should I do?

Community Answer

Stand up to them, and tell them no. And, ask your husband to talk to his parents.

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