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How do you get over an ex you still love?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

The fastest way to recover surely is removing all associations with the other person. You can also rebuild associations with friends or new dates, so you don't need to stop going to your favorite restaurant just because it reminds you of with the other person.

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Question

What is the healthiest way to get over a breakup?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try to take ownership of the ways in which you might have contributed to it and really take a closer look at that and maybe work on it. As best as you can, just try to see the other person with compassion as they too are dealing with a breakup, even though they might have been the one to prompt it. It's easy to blame yourself, but I don't believe that is really the best direction for how to move forward.

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Question

What should I do if I cannot stop thinking about my ex?

Community Answer

There are some helpful tips in Stop Thinking About Your Ex .

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Question

How do I move on from my ex if we have children together?

Community Answer

Work on bettering yourself, and setting up boundaries between you and your ex partner. Remember, you may be exes, but you are still parents of the same children. You will always stay in each others' lives, regardless.

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Question

Why do people break up?

Community Answer

There are a lot of reasons. Sometimes people realize they were just with their partner because they were afraid of being alone. Some end up meeting a person better suited to them then their current partner. In some instances, it's because they've realized their true sexuality isn't aligned with their relationship. A lot of the time, however, it's simply because people and their priorities change over time, and often in different directions.

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Question

How do I know if he doesn't love me?

Community Answer

If you guys broke up and he's not actively trying to get back together with you, assume that he's moved and do the same.

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Question

How do I avoid communication?

Community Answer

Block the person's phone number, and block on e-mail and all social media. Ignore the person as much as possible in real life; if you do have to discuss any final arrangements, keep things civil and as short as possible. If your ex tries to bring up any topics other than what's necessary, simply say "I really don't feel like discussing that; let's stay on topic so we can finish up." If your ex refuses, simply leave.

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How do I get both my ex and me to move on from the relationship?

Community Answer

If you have to convince yourself and your ex lover to move on, I would re-evaluate why you broke up in the first place.

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Why does a breakup hurt so much?

Community Answer

It hurts because you have spent time with the person, and you've invested emotions, effort time and money with the person. You have likely visualized a future together. It's just that you have a part of him/her that will always long for the person and you know in yourself you can't have them back.

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Question

My ex is with someone I strongly dislike, and I really want to be with him, but he doesn't like me. What should I do?

Community Answer

If he doesn't like you, then it is time to look for someone who does. You have good qualities that somebody will notice and like you for who you are. Yearning after an ex who doesn't want you is a recipe for unhappiness and prolonged pain. You deserve more.

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