Q&A for How to Tell Someone You Don't Want to Be Their Friend Without Hurting Their Feelings

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  • Question
    What should I do if the person keeps coming back, no matter what I try?
    Community Answer
    Unfortunately, you may have to be more firm and risk hurting the person's feelings. You will need to be up front and blunt, so that they won't misinterpret your words and actions. For example, you could say: "I don't want you to take this personally, it's just that I don't want to be friends with you anymore."
  • Question
    How do you deal with an annoying person who wants to be your best friend?
    Community Answer
    Tell them politely that you're sorry, but you don't want to be best friends. It is up to you whether you want to tell them the reason why - you could outright say that you find them annoying, or just that you don't think you're compatible.
  • Question
    What do I do if my friend starts cursing at me or spreading rumors about me after I tell her I don't want to be friends anymore?
    Community Answer
    Don't engage in or respond to her attacks. If she starts cursing or badmouthing you to others, this is just more evidence that you shouldn't be friends. If you're firm and keep your head high, she'll likely get over her hurt feelings and leave you alone. Don't be tempted to respond back with anger or spreading rumors yourself. Rely on support from friends, parents, or even counselors if the bullying continues.
  • Question
    What should you do if you want to be friends with a family member, but he doesn't treat you well?
    Community Answer
    Consider carefully if you really want to be friends with someone who isn't being nice to you or treating you well. If you feel like you have to get along with someone because they're a family member, be direct with them about what they're doing that's mean. Ask what you need from them to change. If they can't change, set limits around how much and how often you spend time with them.
  • Question
    How do I tell a friend that I want to end our friendship because she upsetting me, making me tired, and making me not like her anymore?
    Community Answer
    The easiest way is to be honest with her. Tell her directly that you're feeling tired and upset lately when you're around her, and this isn't what you want your friendship to be like. Be clear about what behaviors she's doing that are upsetting you and causing you stress, but be careful not to attack her personality.
  • Question
    What do you do when a best friend ignores you and ends the friendship, then tries to get back in your life? What do you do if the friendship was toxic in the first place?
    Community Answer
    Be careful of friends who come back into your life after treating you badly and ignoring you. If you're starting to realize that the friendship was bad now, trust your instincts. It's up to you if you want to try to be friends with them again, but watch out for toxic and mean behavior again. Start slowly, be careful of how much time you spend with them, and be careful of what you trust them with.
  • Question
    What if this person is mean to me all the time but wants to stay my friend?
    Community Answer
    Is it really worth it? You may be able to "hack it" for a time by telling yourself this person is your friend but eventually you'll have had enough of the behavior and you'll want something better for yourself. Remind yourself that you do actually deserve better than being with someone who is mean all the time.
  • Question
    Do people begin to hate their friends when their lives get hard?
    Community Answer
    When you're more stressed and busy, you tend to have a lot on your mind. Any normal or helpful behavior from a friend might seem irritating or annoying, so this is possible.
  • Question
    What if your parents are friends with their parents?
    Community Answer
    Well, that can be awkward but it's probably best to just try to avoid them altogether. Tell your parents what is happening and ask them not to talk about the situation with the other person's parents.
  • Question
    How do I deal with a mean girl who always tells on me?
    Community Answer
    Explain what she's doing to a teacher or parent. Maybe you can try talking to her, too
  • Question
    What if my friend is a bully who stole all my friends and is talking behind my back? If I end this "friendship" I know she will do worse and more direct things to me, and I would lose all my friends! What do I do?
    Community Answer
    All your friends? Those don't sound like friends to me. This person may have taken your friends, but they went with her and left you behind. Now, you've probably heard this before, but make new friends. It's the best thing you can do for yourself. When this same girl drops the friends she "stole" from you they'll come back to you because they think you'll be there. Don't let them come back, you'll have moved on with different people who like you, and want to be around you. That's good. If this person even tries to lay a hand on you tell your parents or a teacher immediately. Don't let this bully have power over you. Make your friends want to miss you.
  • Question
    How do I get rid of someone who turned me down, without being a jerk?
    Community Answer
    The easiest way is to walk away. If the person follows you, make an excuse that is realistic and reasonable enough that the person will leave you alone. If you can't tell an adult you can trust. That way you can vent your anger and not hold on to it.
  • Question
    My friend is very upset because his "best friend" is upsetting him. She looks through his school email, emails him creepy things, and hurts him. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Casually bring up unhealthy relationships with him or forward him articles about unhealthy relationships to make him aware. If he doesn't get the hint, speak to him about it. You say he's upset about it, so he should be open to the conversation. And make sure to be a great, healthy friend to him so he has backup.
  • Question
    I have this ex boyfriend, and we are really good friends, but he keeps getting in the way of one of my friendships. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    He's probably jealous of this friend. Tell him that you appreciate him and like having him as a friend, but he needs to be more respectful of your other friendships. Point out exactly what he's doing/saying so that he knows what behavior you're talking about.
  • Question
    What should I do when he gets mad and tells my family bad stuff about me?
    Community Answer
    Your family will not believe those things if you are honest and behave. Do not continue to be involved with him.
  • Question
    What do I do if this girl at school wants to be my friend but I don't want to be hers? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't know what to do.
    Community Answer
    If she asks to be your friend, then it will be very awkward and mean if you say you don't want to be friends. Say that you are okay with being friends. Maybe it will surprise you how kind she is! You can always keep a little distance if you really don't like her. You can also say it carefully, like this: "Look, I think you are very kind, but I don't think we will be great friends, sorry."
  • Question
    What if I sit right next to the person I hate in class and I can't move spots?
    Community Answer
    Just ignore them. Everyone has to deal with people they don't like. It's not the end of the world. If you really can't handle it, go to the teacher after class and tell him/her that being near this person is distracting you from your studies.
  • Question
    What do I do if they live close by?
    Community Answer
    Try not to walk past their house. And if they come to your house to ask you something, say you have plans.
  • Question
    Every time I tell her I don't want to be her friend, she starts crying and tells a teacher. Then the teacher gets mad at me for making her cry. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Ask to talk with the teacher in private some time and explain your POV. Perhaps she'll be more sympathetic once she hears your side. That said, you should still be nice to this girl, even if you don't formally want to be friends. Your teacher has every right to expect kindness and respect between students in her classroom.
  • Question
    There's this girl who really wants to be my friend, but I'm not interested. She follows me practically everywhere. She has a learning disability, so it's hard to say no to a friendship. What should I do?
    Top Answerer
    It doesn't matter if she has a learning disability. If you don't want to be friends, then don't be. You could, of course, give it a go. Who knows, maybe she's a hidden gem once you get to know her? At the very least, make it clear she can't be following people around.
  • Question
    What if the person I don't want to be friends with anymore has autism and they are sensitive?
    Community Answer
    I have the same "problem." I just let them think I'm their friend. Keep being nice to them and talking to them on occasion, but don't go out of your way, and if they ask you to hang out after school or something, just say you already have plans. They will probably eventually stop talking to you.
  • Question
    I only have one friend, but she's getting really annoying and I've started to ignore her and follow the steps here. She's now starting to tell my secrets to other people. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Ignore it. When she sees that she can't bother you, she'll get the message and stop doing it. If people try to talk to you about your secrets, just say that your "friend" is mad at you so she's spreading rumors. If this situation gets out of control, talk to an adult about it.
  • Question
    My friend can be unpredictable and unstable. They genuinely are sorry and want to start over, but I can never be sure it will stay that way. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Always allow people second chances, but never keep giving people chances if they mess them all up. If they are unpredictable, they are not worth you. Focus on getting only the best for yourself.
  • Question
    What if I like this person, but I can't trust her because she broke my heart?
    D
    Community Answer
    If you can't trust her and she broke your heart, then that means that she is not the right person for you.
  • Question
    This kid keeps stealing my money, food and homework, but wants to be my friend, what do I do?
    Community Answer
    Don't be friends with someone that doesn't respect you or your things. Tell them directly to leave you alone, and tell a teacher if they don't listen or if they keep taking your stuff.
  • Question
    How do you tell friends that you've been with for a long time that their starting to hurt you and you want to just be friends again?
    Maysoon Akram
    Community Answer
    If they are truly your real friends, they will understand but if they get mad at you and try to make excuses for their mean behavior, just leave. When you throw the trash out, you don't go back and check on the trash and be like "let me just see how this trash is doing." No ,you don't do that, as it is gone and will never come back and those friends of yours are the same way if they put your down and don't add the best to your life.
  • Question
    What if I'm friends with a person, but my group doesn't like him, and I'm starting to feel like I don't want to be around him either? How do I ignore him without hurting his feelings?
    Community Answer
    As hard as it is, it will hurt more if you just ignore him. If you can't politely say that you don't want to be friends in person, write a letter. Make sure you're not just doing this to go along with the group, though.
  • Question
    I hate a girl because she took my best friend and my best friend tells me she likes me the most but that girl wants her only and I don’t want to hurt her and then my best friend will hurt me also.
    Emma_wyliex
    Community Answer
    If your best friend is willing to leave you completely for another friend then she's obviously not a good friend. Try to put in the effort to become friends with the other girl and maybe you'll turn to a group of 3 friends, which is always great fun.
  • Question
    I feel anxiety to say I don't want to be friends, because it's a permanent decision. What if your friend does see you as a friend, but it's their romantic partner they are dating that's affecting it?
    Community Answer
    If you and their partner don't get along, try your best to be civil. Ask him about himself a lot, this way you don't have to do most of the talking. Try reminding your friend that it's also important to care about the long term friendship, not just the partner as friends will stick around for the long term.
  • Question
    How do I deal with my ex-BFF spreading lies about me?
    Community Answer
    Approach them directly and ask them about it. No need to be rude or mean or to insult them. Speak clearly and inform them that you are aware of what they’re doing. Tell them to stop. If they keep doing it, tell an adult, such as your parent or teachers.
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