Q&A for How to Tell Your Girl (Friend) You Love Her As a Girl

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How do I let go and move on?

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor

Expert Answer

Have another conversation with her if you feel like you need closure from the situation. Go into this conversation with a goal, so you can get the most out of your chat.

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Question

What if she has a lover?

Community Answer

She may feel the same about you but is scared to admit it. You need to tell your friend. Don't assume that she will leave her lover. Tell her you are becoming attracted to her, but not sure if you want anything from it. That way she will respect your viewpoints but also respect her own relationship

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What can I do if she's not very talkative, or if her parents might be homophobic?

Community Answer

Her parents being homophobic is nothing that you can change, nor should you try. People are only going to change if they want to. If she isn't talkative, try to ask her questions that will open her up to conversation.

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Question

What words should I use to tell a girl I love her?

Community Answer

Keep it simple and sweet and tell her how you feel.

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Question

What words can I use to tell a girl I love her?

CJ Cain

Community Answer

Use your own words. Just make her feel like the most amazing person on earth, and own your words.

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Question

Is it a good idea to confess my feelings when she is going to a different country?

Community Answer

Yes, but only if you feel like you can maintain a long-distance relationship. Otherwise, I would keep your feelings to yourself.

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Question

What if she's scared to admit that she likes me too? Should I stop myself from falling in love?

Community Answer

You can't stop yourself from falling in love, and you shouldn't try! If she's scared to admit it, it means that she feels the same and doesn't want to say it. But she still likes you, and you should pursue your feelings.

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Question

What if I don't have a crush on her but I still look up to her a lot and she's two years older than me?

Community Answer

That's great! You should tell her that, I bet she'd love to hear it.

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Question

How do I tell her I love her and then act like nothing happened and still be BFFs?

Community Answer

If your friend did not reciprocate your feelings and you want to just be friends again, tell her that. After you've done that, all you can do is wait. Things might be awkward for a little while, but it will blow over.

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Question

How can I get over the butterflies beforehand?

Community Answer

Getting rid of butterflies is very tricky. Breathe deeply, think of something other than him/her, think about what would happen if asked you out and focus on coming up with something pleasant to say.

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Question

What if I can only ask through text?

Community Answer

Avoid doing it through text at all costs. Sending a letter would be better.

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Question

What if I'm scared to tell her and we've been friends for 10 years?

Madokamiranda

Community Answer

If you have not come out to her yet, I would suggest doing that first. See if she treats you any differently after coming out. If she seems weirded out, uncomfortable, etc., then she probably just wants to be friends, or just doesn't like gay people. If she seems okay with it, happy, or acts sort of shy around you, tell her how you feel.

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Question

I want to tell her over text because I feel comfortable enough like that because of my social anxiety. Is this okay? We're both 11.

Community Answer

Yes, this is fine, but keep in mind that things can be very easily misread through text.

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Question

What if I have a crush on her brother too? Will she think I'm weird? She might be straight, and I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I really want to date her.

Community Answer

She may think it's strange if you confess to also crushing on her brother. Perhaps you should take your time and enjoy your friendship with her without pushing for anything more. If she has lesbian leanings, that will become clear with time.

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Question

I want to tell her I like her, but because we are both in school and have three classes together, I'm afraid it will be awkward. What should I do?

Jesslynn Lagasse

Community Answer

You should talk to her alone and communicate your feelings. Tell her that you don't want things to be awkward. Say that you like her, but if she doesn't feel the same way, it's okay, and you still want to be friends.

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Question

How do I have this conversation over text?

Community Answer

Please do not do it over text! Important conversations like this really need to happen in person.

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Question

What if she is asexual?

Community Answer

If your girlfriend or crush is ace, then don't have sex with her. Asexuality doesn't mean aromantic, although sometimes they go hand in hand. She could still be in love with you and want to date you, but not have sex. Just respect that she is ace and don't try to force yourself on her.

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Question

We've been best friends for 2 years. I like her and I assume she likes me too but I don't know how to tell her without her making fun of it.

Community Answer

Tell her that you have to talk about something that means a lot to you, and would rather her not joke about it. Then tell her firmly but kindly, "that you like her as more than just friends and that you can't ignore your feelings" as to not ruin your friendship.

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What if she has not come out to her family yet?

Community Answer

You will have to think about whether or not you'd be willing to be with someone who needs to keep the relationship a secret or not. There's also a chance she might not be ready to date yet, since her family doesn't know. This doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her how you feel, these are just things to consider before doing so.

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Question

What if she absolutely finds me scary and wants nothing to do with me after I have told her about my feelings?

Community Answer

First of all, if this is just something you're worried MIGHT happen, it probably won't. If it did happen, you should just let her go and move on, because if she behaved like that she's probably homophobic, and you don't need that kind of ignorance and negativity in your life.

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Question

How do I tell someone I like them when they already have a significant other?

Community Answer

You shouldn't. That person is in a relationship already and you should respect that instead of putting them in an awkward situation or trying to break up their relationship. Wait until she's single again, then tell her.

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Question

What if she gets freaked out and decides to end the friendship?

Community Answer

Ask her to still be your friend, even if she does not share those feelings.

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Question

What if she says no?

Ruby

Top Answerer

Respect that. She might not be attracted to girls, or maybe you just are not her type. Whatever her reason, if she isn't up for a relationship, respect that. Hopefully you can remain friends.

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Question

What if I only just decided I'm into girls?

Community Answer

Then I'd wait a little bit if I were you. Take your time and make sure that you're sure. Then, if you haven't already, start by telling her that you like girls. If she's okay with that, tell her you like her.

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Question

Once my friend said to me that when we are older, we can go on holiday together. Does that mean she likes me?

Community Answer

Yes! It sounds like she imagines being your friend for a long time, so she definitely likes you.

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Question

My best friend is bisexual, and I have just started to have feelings towards her. What should I do?! She knows I have a crush on a boy, but I’ve never told anyone that I have feelings for girls too!

Community Answer

Since you know she's bisexual, it will be a little easier. Just sit her down and tell her you've started having feelings for girls, and that you think you have a crush on her. Let her know you still want to be friends no matter what if she doesn't feel the same way. If she just wants to be friends, no big deal. Things might be a little awkward for awhile, but your friendship will recover.

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Question

What should I do if she rejected me?

WikiHowCollaborator

Community Answer

If she rejects you, respect her decision. Don't be annoying about it or insist on starting a relationship, but also don't be super awkward around her if you two continue to be friends, maybe for a few days after the rejection, but not long enough that it can damage your friendship.

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Question

I have a crush on my best friend. I asked her one day if she would date a girl. She said "Depends on the girl!'' I was happy. But now I'm too scared to tell her- I feel I am too young to date. Help!

Purple Person

Community Answer

Depending on how young you are, and on your current relationship with her, you could go either way. You should, however, tell her you have these feelings, even if you don't ask her out. Be honest! If you're not sure going out is what's best, it might not be, but it could also be a really great relationship. Remember, if she doesn't feel the same way, it's okay! Just be honest and remember that in the end it's your choice.

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Question

What if she's currently my roommate? Should I tell her now, or should I wait until we're no longer roommates? I don't want things to get awkward between us when we're living together during college.

Nightcorerose18

Community Answer

That's a difficult situation you're in. If you don't want it to be awkward, keep it in until you're no longer roommates.

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Question

What do I do if she just got out of a relationship? Her ex gf didn’t like me (I’m lesbian she’s pan). I’ve had a crush on her for two years (since we first met). I think she likes me too but idk.

Community Answer

Give her a little more time before you mention anything. But not too much because she might get a rebound. Let it settle and then tell her how you feel. I know it can seem so scary but if you're friends it will be a bit easier than a stranger. You might think it'll ruin your friendship, but if she's a true friend she'll be able to see past it. Go for it!

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