Q&A for How to Tell Your Lesbian Friend That You Are Straight and Not Interested in Her

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How do you politely reject a friend?

Kateri Berasi, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Kateri Berasi is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder of Transcendent Self, PLLC, a group therapy practice offering affirmative, collaborative, and intentional care, based in Brooklyn, New York. With over ten years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in working with adults from the LGBTQIA+ community and creative industries through individual therapy, couples counseling, group therapy, and costume therapy. She holds a BA in Psychology, Art History, and French Language and Literature from George Washington University and an MA and MEd in Mental Health Counseling from Columbia University. Dr. Berasi also holds a PsyD in Clinical Psychology from Long Island University.

Kateri Berasi, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

In this case, just tell them you’re flattered but you’re straight! Believe me, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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Question

My friend shows romantic interest and eye contact, is she a lesbian? I have doubts as to whether she is interested in me.

Community Answer

You'd have to ask her to know if she's a lesbian and if she is interested in you. There's really no other way to know for sure.

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Question

A year ago I thought I was bisexual and told all my friends. After some time I figured that I was just confused. I didn't tell all my friends that, and now I think one of my lesbian friends likes me. What do I do?

Community Answer

First off, you should just be able to "come out" to your friends yet again. That'd be step one, and probably the most difficult of them all. The problem with coming out is that people tend take your word on it; this way, if you say you're straight, then they'll think you're straight; if you say you're Bi, Pan, Gay, etc, they'll take your word on it. You just have to explain to them that you were confused and hope they understand. I assure you they'll understand, even if they don't believe it at first.

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Question

My friend came out and told me she was lesbian and a few days later she told me she likes me. I'm straight and I'm scared she won't want to be friends anymore if I tell her.

Community Answer

Just be honest with her. She may be disappointed but she'll appreciate your honesty.

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Question

I am in the opposite position. I have a straight friend who is interested in me but I am not interested in him because I am lesbian. What do I do?

Community Answer

Don't just blurt out "I'm a lesbian!" Instead, try explaining to him that, while you're flattered that he likes you, you're not into guys.

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Question

My friend said, "I love you" so I responded, "Love you too, as a friend." Then she said, "Maybe not friend." Did she mean as a sister? She put her head on my shoulder before. She doesn't show any other signs. Help?

Community Answer

The best way to solve this is to communicate. It might seem awkward, but it's important to let her know how you feel and will probably strengthen your friendship. Remember not to be too harsh, and to tell her you support her no matter what.

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Question

I see this girl everywhere at school. She stares at me and is jealous when l talk to others girls. What do I do?

Community Answer

Are you friends with the girl? If you are, just tell her how you feel. If you are not, try to avoid making eye contact with her or talking to her until she gets the message.

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Question

I am lesbian, and I am not sure that this guy likes me. I am in a difficult position now, and I need help. What should I do?

Jay The emo

Community Answer

Tell him the truth. It might be hard, but it's importaint to tell the truth.

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Question

Some stranger is interested in me and I am scared to tell her that I am not a lesbian. She even gave me her number and asked me to call her. I am uncomfortable. What do I do?

Community Answer

There is no reason to be scared. All you have to say is, "I don't date women," or "I'm sorry, I'm straight so I'm not interested." It would be nice to also include, "I hope we can be friends" if you are comfortable with that. Lesbians know that most girls/women are not gay, so it certainly will not be the first time she has heard this. Just be respectful and you have nothing to worry about.

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Question

This girl knows I'm straight, but she insists I'm gay. And when I asked her if she liked me, she thought I was using reverse psychology. She has a boyfriend. What do I do?

Community Answer

She's trying to manipulate you for some reason, maybe just to be cruel, or maybe she's acting like this because she's gay but she's not comfortable with herself. Either way, just avoid and ignore her. If she says these things to you again, don't make a big deal about it. Just say, "I'm not gay, but even if I were it wouldn't be any of your business. Please leave me alone." If she continues bothering you, tell an adult.

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Question

My friend is pansexual and she keeps trying to "make me gay." No matter how hard I try to explain, she just won't stop. What do I do?

Community Answer

Tell her one more time, firmly, that you're straight and that nothing is going to change that. Let her know that she's making you really uncomfortable (and be specific about the things she's doing and saying that are bothering you). If she continues behaving this way after that, you should end the friendship. Don't stay friends with someone who can't respect your boundaries.

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Question

How can I tell a lady at my church that I'm straight and not interested in her?

Community Answer

Make it clear that the situation makes you uncomfortable and talk to someone about it if she persists. Also make it clear that you are straight and happy with your current romantic life.

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Question

My friend constantly keeps confessing her love for me. It's vacation and I haven't seen her after she confessed to me, and I want to let her down gently. What do I do?

Community Answer

Just tell her that you're very flattered, but you're not interested in girls, and you don't see that changing in the future. Let her know that you really value her friendship and that you hope you can still be friends.

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Question

My best friend for a long time now admitted that she was pan, and likes me, but I'm demi-asexual. What do I do?

Riverdoesthings

Community Answer

If you like her back, don't be afraid to say that. If you don't, say something like "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in being any more than friends."

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Question

I'm straight. A girl asked to be friends with me, I said yes. A few days later she said she had a crush on me in a letter, I wrote back and said that I don't like her. I don't want to be friends because she's rude.

Riverdoesthings

Community Answer

You don't owe her your friendship. Tell her respectfully that you wouldn't like to be friends.

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