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You meet lots of girls, but you won’t always be interested in pursuing a relationship with them. It’s important to learn how to reject a girl in an effective but kind way. You don’t want to embarrass or hurt her, so don’t be rude when you say no. If being straightforward doesn’t work, try some indirect approaches.
Steps
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Tell her that you appreciate her interest. You don’t want to be rude on purpose when you have to reject a girl. Whatever you say to her, make sure to mention you are flattered she asked. Tell her you respect her courage, even if you are still not interested in accepting her offer. [1] X Research source
- When you show her respect and appreciate how hard it was to approach you, you let her keep her dignity even in the face of rejection.
- Say something like, “I’m flattered that you are interested in me. I appreciate your bravery in telling me how you feel.”
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Use “I” statements that take responsibility for your answer. It’s tempting to put the blame on her for asking you out or showing interest in you, but avoid doing this. Take responsibility by answering her with statements that focus on yourself. Putting the blame on her makes her feel attacked and belittled. [2] X Research source
- This is all about keeping it friendly and not hurting her feelings. Don’t say, “You’re not pretty enough for me to be attracted to you.” It’s demeaning and makes you look bad.
- Say something like, “It’s been fun getting to know you, but I’m not looking for a relationship.” Or, “I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I want in a girl, so please don’t take it personally.”
- If she still continues to pursue you after you've told her how you feel, you can be more direct about your lack of interest and set boundaries around your time together.
- Reader Poll: We asked 296 wikiHow readers who've had a girl continue to pursue them after they've rejected her, and 56% of them agreed that the best way to handle the situation is by setting boundaries and clearly communicating . [Take Poll]
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Reject her early on if you aren’t feeling a connection. [3] X Expert Source Lisa Shield
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 December 2018. Don’t string her along past the point where you know you’re not interested. She will continue to develop feelings for you, which will make it worse when you let her down. It’s kinder to cut her off early than to string her along. [4] X Research source- Even when it seems cruel, this is better than making her think you are interested for a long time and then telling her that you aren’t.
- Say, “I’m sorry if it feels like I haven’t given you a chance, but I don’t want to pursue this relationship any further.”
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Be direct when you turn her down. [5] X Expert Source Lisa Shield
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 December 2018. It’s important to make it clear that you are saying no to whatever she has asked or offered. Don’t say something vague that leaves the door open to things happening between you later on. Always answer her directly so she knows you are rejecting her. [6] X Research source- An example of what not to say is, “Thanks for asking. I’m not sure right now, but maybe it will work out at some point.” This leaves it open that you might be interested.
- Say something like, “It feels good that you’re interested in me, but honestly I don’t feel the same. Thanks for asking, but I have to say no thanks to your offer.”
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Avoid making excuses for your answer. When you reject her, it’s not always necessary to give a reason. If you give a specific reason, she may think that it’s temporary. Unless you really have a reason you feel you have to give her, stick to letting her down without a specific reason. [7] X Research source
- Don’t say, “I don’t think I want to date right now. I’ve just started this new job and I know it’s going to keep me busy.” This implies that later on you’d be free to engage in a relationship.
- For example, if a friend asks you on a date, don’t say, “I don’t like to date friends.” She may try to convince you. Simply say, “I’m going to have to pass. Thanks for the offer.”
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Avoid offering alternatives if you know you aren’t interested. You may be tempted to ask if she wants to be friends or do something together that’s not a date. Don’t do this. If you know you aren’t interested in the way she is, don’t come up with something to soften the blow. Let your no simply be a no. [8] X Research source
- For example, you meet a girl at a friend’s party and she asks you out on a date for the next weekend. Don’t say, “I don’t know about a date, but some of us are hanging out at the lake if you want to join.”
- If you chat with a girl at a bar, say, “It’s been fun talking to you, but I’m not interested in pursuing something beyond this conversation.”
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Talk about another girl when you’re with her. If you can’t make the direct approach work, try getting her to leave you alone on her own. Ask about an attractive friend she has, or mention another girl you’ve met recently. It may seem rude, but if she gets mad at you, she may leave you alone. [9] X Research source
- Say, “Hey when we were at the bar the other day, who was the hot girl in the blue dress that was with you?” Essentially hitting on her friend might drive her away.
- Another way to do this is by saying, “I’ve actually been talking to this girl Lucy for about a week. It’s crazy how much we have in common.” Causing jealousy can be a useful rejection tool.
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Tell her you have a friend you’d love to set her up with. If you just met or you’ve been talking a while and you know it’s not going anywhere, mention a friend she should meet. Talk him up, and say how he and the girl have so much in common. She may take the hint that you aren’t interested in her. [10] X Research source
- Say, “You know, I’ve been meaning to introduce you to my friend Derek. He’s always talking about fitness stuff just like you. You two ought to go out sometime.”
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Ignore her communications. If you can’t face the girl to tell her how you feel, you always have the option of ignoring her. It’s considered rude and may cause you problems, but it’s an option. Don’t answer her calls, texts, or other forms of messaging. Completely break all digital communication with her. [11] X Research source
- She may keep contacting you for a while, but commit to ignoring her and she will most likely leave you alone.
- This is a rude approach, but it’s often highly effective.
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Give her the silent treatment in person. If you see the girl in common places and she won’t leave you alone, just stop talking to her. Even telling her you aren’t interested might keep her around because you’re willing to talk to her. The next time you see her, brush her off completely by being silent. [12] X Research source
- Make sure you realize how difficult this will be. She might get angry, insult you, or show you she’s disgusted with you. It’s not going to be pleasant most times.
- People will see this as rude and unacceptable. Make sure that this is your last resort. Try to let her down easy with other methods before giving her the silent treatment.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I tell a girl that I'm not interested in her?Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.The best thing that you can do is be direct and honest with her as soon as you can. That way, you won't hurt her feelings as much as if you waited.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/defining-memories/202301/the-other-side-of-unrequited-love-rejecting-unwanted-romance
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/funny-bone-pick/202202/how-reject-someone-and-help-them-the-same-time
- ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/defining-memories/202301/the-other-side-of-unrequited-love-rejecting-unwanted-romance
- ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-we-work/201302/nine-practices-to-help-you-say-no
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/defining-memories/202301/the-other-side-of-unrequited-love-rejecting-unwanted-romance
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/funny-bone-pick/202202/how-reject-someone-and-help-them-the-same-time
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-we-work/201302/nine-practices-to-help-you-say-no
About This Article
Article Summary
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To reject a girl, first tell her that you appreciate her interest so you don’t come across as rude. Then, use “I” statements that put emphasis on your own feelings instead of the reasons she’s not right for you. For example, say something like, “I’m flattered that you’re interested in me. I appreciate you telling me, but I’m not looking for a relationship.” When you reject the girl, avoid giving her false hope by saying things might change or you’re unsure. You should also try to tell her you’re not interested as soon as possible so you don’t leave her hanging. For more tips, including how to show a girl you’re not interested in her without directly saying it, read on!
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