What Is Relationship Reciprocity?

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The 3 types of reciprocity and how they impact relationships
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Is your romantic relationship healthy? Understanding where you and your partner stand on the reciprocity scale can help you find out. Relationship reciprocity is all about give and take; if one side gives or takes a little more than the other, it may lead to toxicity. So, what is relationship reciprocity, and how can you practice it? Keep reading to find out.

Things You Should Know

  • Relationship reciprocity is an even exchange of give and take in a relationship where each partner offers support and emotional intimacy.
  • The 3 types of reciprocity are balanced reciprocity, generalized reciprocity, and negative reciprocity.
  • To build reciprocity in your relationship, communicate honestly, ask your partner’s wants and needs, and set boundaries.
Section 1 of 5:

What does reciprocity mean in a relationship?

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    If a relationship has reciprocity, both partners value each other emotionally and physically. They give and take energy in a mutually beneficial way, crafting a healthy and supportive relationship. Each partner is there to help one another with no strings attached. [1]
    • For instance, say you got laid off. In a reciprocal relationship, your partner will be a shoulder to cry on and your biggest support system, offering everything you need in the moment. In turn, you’ll support them the next time something unforeseen comes up in their life.
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Section 2 of 5:

Types of Relationship Reciprocity

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    In a relationship that has balanced reciprocity, both partners give and take the same amount. In other words, when one performs a supportive act, the other is expected to give something in return (and vice versa). [2]
    • For example, say you give your partner a present for their birthday. Balanced reciprocity would be when you expect and receive one in return on your birthday.
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    Generalized reciprocity is when you give and expect nothing in return. In this form of relationship reciprocity, there’s mutual respect and connection. Neither party expects one or the other to do anything special for them if they offer support or help. [3]
    • Let’s say you make your partner dinner after they’ve had a long day at work. Generalized reciprocity would be not expecting them to do the same for you—you just do it from the kindness of your heart.
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    If a relationship has negative reciprocity, one partner gives the bare minimum but expects the most in return. Basically, it’s an attempt to “get something for nothing.” [4] There’s an unequal amount of energy given and taken, which often leads to a toxic and unhealthy relationship, stress, and poor overall health. [5]
    • For instance, if you ask your partner to clean the house and, when you get home, only 1 room is clean, and they expect dinner on the table, that’s negative reciprocity.
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Section 3 of 5:

How to Build Reciprocity in a Relationship

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    The best way to practice reciprocity in a relationship is to be open and honest with one another. Practice active listening with your partner, and express your wants and needs often. This way, you’ll both know what to give and take in the relationship to make each other happy. [6]
    • Use “I” statements when talking about your emotions. For example, try saying something like, “I like when you make breakfast. It takes a lot off my plate,” or “I wish we could spend more time together after work. I miss talking to you.”
    • Ask your partner what they want and need too. Then, put what they say into action. If they prefer to be alone when they’re sick, give them some space, for example.
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    Selfishness won’t get you anywhere when it comes to relationship reciprocity. Sometimes it’s best to put your loved one’s needs first (at least for a little while). If your partner is struggling, do what you can to give them what they want and need with no strings attached.
    • Use phrases like, “Is there anything I can do to help?” or “What can I do to make it better?” to find out what they need in the moment.
    • If they need and want nothing, that’s okay! Continue offering help and support, and be ready to be there when they need you.
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    An important part of reciprocity is interdependence or supporting one another while being mindful of yourself. Yes, being there for your partner is important, but it’s also vital to be there for yourself. Don’t let your partner’s worries consume you. [7]
    • Practice self-care to stay in tune with yourself. Take a bubble bath after a long day, listen to your favorite music, or unwind with a good book.
    • Set boundaries with your partner upfront. If there’s something you’re not comfortable with emotionally or physically, let them know. [8]
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    Relationship reciprocity relies on give and take, so don’t only be a giver—remember to take a little too! Asking for emotional or physical support from your partner isn’t a crime. For relationship reciprocity to work, both partners need to equally take and give from the other; otherwise, one side could easily take advantage of the other. [9]
    • Tell your partner when you need extra support. For instance, ask them to pick up the groceries so you can meet with a friend, or see if they can watch the pets while you take a bath.
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    Getting caught up in a single mistake or situation can be easy. Look at the big picture rather than judging someone’s reciprocity in one moment. If your partner doesn’t offer support or help one time, it doesn’t mean they never will—be gracious.
    • Consider the bigger picture by thinking about when your partner has shown support. If they’re there for you 90% of the time, maybe they just missed a social cue when you were down today. However, if they’ve failed to offer help most of the time, there may be negative reciprocity.
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Section 4 of 5:

Why is reciprocity in relationships important?

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    Partnership is all about emotional and physical support, and healthy relationships thrive on understanding their partner’s wants and needs. Reciprocity establishes a strong foundation, happiness, and boundaries that help a relationship thrive. [10]
    • In other words, recognizing what’s important to your partner can help you support one another and easily resolve conflicts.
Section 5 of 5:

Can reciprocity be used in other things?

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    The idea of give and take isn’t just for relationships; it’s also a brilliant business strategy. Reciprocity builds respect and trust, so those in business or commercial marketing will often use it to sell products, build connections and employee morale, or raise money. [11]
    • For instance, perhaps a company gives a free sample to a customer with the hope that they’ll purchase something in the future or promote their product.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/reciprocity
      2. ↑ https://hraf.yale.edu/teach-ehraf/reciprocity-exchange-the-kula-ring/
      3. ↑ https://hraf.yale.edu/teach-ehraf/reciprocity-exchange-the-kula-ring/
      4. ↑ https://hraf.yale.edu/teach-ehraf/reciprocity-exchange-the-kula-ring/
      5. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2072816/
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      7. ↑ https://www.amherst.edu/campuslife/health-safety-wellness/counseling/self_care/healthy_relationships/10_tips_for_health_relationships
      8. ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      2. ↑ https://pubs.aeaweb.org/doi/pdf/10.1257/aer.102.4.1644

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