What's My Friendship Style?

Take this quiz to find out!

Did you know that the way you connect and make friends can say a lot about you socially? Well, it can!

Your friendship style is all about how you connect with other people socially. You might be a shy wallflower who likes to keep to themselves, an outgoing butterfly who craves frequent socialization, a sturdy evergreen who values deep connections, or a bright firefly who likes to space out social interactions. Answer these questions about your everyday social life to find out where you fall on the friendship style scale!

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Questions Overview

1. You’re invited to a party last minute. What do you do?
  1. Call a friend right away to help me plan an outfit. No way I’m missing it!
  2. Check my calendar. Maybe I’ll go if I’m not busy tomorrow.
  3. Text the group chat to see who else is going. If I go, I want to know someone there.
  4. Say I can’t go. I’m already cozy and ready to unwind from the day.
2. When something exciting happens in your life, what’s the first thing you do?
  1. Post about it on social media, duh!
  2. Message the group chat, of course!
  3. Call my bestie. We’ll have to celebrate together!
  4. Treat myself! Maybe I’ll go out for ice cream or buy a new outfit.
3. What’s your ideal weekend evening look like?
  1. Going out on the town and meeting as many people as possible.
  2. Seeing a movie or theater show with a group of like-minded people.
  3. Sitting around a campfire chatting with close friends.
  4. Lounging on the couch and watching TV in my PJs.
4. What types of conversations do you crave most?
  1. Ones fun and lighthearted. I love small talk.
  2. Ones deep and insightful. I want to know people’s hearts.
  3. Ones meaningful and invigorating. I crave deeper connections.
  4. Ones genuine and quick. I appreciate that less is more.
5. How would your best friends describe you?
  1. Outgoing and talkative
  2. Fun but realistic
  3. Friendly but reserved
  4. Shy but attentive
6. A friend comes to you for support. How do you likely react?
  1. “I don’t know. I’m not the best at advice. Just do whatever.”
  2. “Honey, that sounds awful. Tell me more.”
  3. “Based on what happened in the past, you should probably…”
  4. “I’m always here to listen.”
7. You’re planning a get-together at your place. What does it look like?
  1. A total smasher! There will be loud music and good food. Everyone will bring a plus one!
  2. Something relatively big. But only friends and family members I know can be there.
  3. Something small. Maybe a movie night for just my closest friends.
  4. A get-together? That doesn’t sound like something I’d do.
8. What does your calendar look like?
  1. Girl, it’s jam-packed with social activities!
  2. Pretty busy. My weekends are booked with fun social outings.
  3. Fairly empty. But my besties and I don’t schedule when we hang out.
  4. Vacant. I like keeping things quiet and relaxed.
9. How often do you lean on your friends for support?
  1. Never! I can lean on myself.
  2. Sometimes. It depends on who I’m chatting with.
  3. All of the time! My friends are my lifeline.
  4. Not very often. There’s only a handful of people I can go to.
10. What’s your ideal social setting?
  1. Anywhere! I make friends everywhere I go.
  2. A friend’s party. I like meeting friends of friends.
  3. A small get-together at my bestie’s. I want to hang out with my people only.
  4. Being alone. I don’t do social settings (if I can help it).
11. What would you say is your biggest strength as a friend?
  1. Being able to make anyone smile
  2. Having deep, eye-opening conversations
  3. Remembering details about others
  4. Being a good listener
12. When it comes to making friends, are you picky?
  1. Nope! Everyone I meet is a friend!
  2. Not really. I can open up to just about anyone.
  3. Sometimes. But that’s because I have such close friends already.
  4. Absolutely. I’m very selective about who’s in my inner circle.

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As a social butterfly, you likely:
<\/u>

  • Thrive in social settings.<\/li>
  • Recharge by chatting or being around other people.<\/li>
  • Are an excellent host and party guest.<\/li>
  • Feel the most comfortable when you\u2019re with other people.<\/li><\/ul>","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Social-Butterfly"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Host-a-Good-Party"}],"link_data":[{"title":"What Does it Mean to be a Social Butterfly?","id":14196056,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Social-Butterfly","image":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/43\/Social-Butterfly-Step-9-Version-2.jpeg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Social-Butterfly-Step-9-Version-2.jpeg","alt":"What Does it Mean to be a Social Butterfly?"},{"title":"16 Tips to Help You Host a Fun Party","id":443329,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Host-a-Good-Party","image":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/75\/Host-a-Good-Party-Step-15-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Host-a-Good-Party-Step-15-Version-3.jpg","alt":"16 Tips to Help You Host a Fun Party"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You like your solo time and have a \u201cfirefly\u201d friendship style.","meaning":"Based on your answers, we bet you love socializing and putting yourself out there, but like a firefly, you need time to recharge your bright light! Connecting with people and making new friends is totally your jam. You love cultivating deep interactions and getting to know someone at their core, but you also crave solitude. After a long day of socializing, you likely feel fulfilled but drained. You need some alone time to recharge your social battery so you can have the most meaningful conversations.

    As a bright firefly, you likely:
    <\/u>
    • Value strong connections.<\/li>
    • Recharge by spending time alone.<\/li>
    • Are extremely reflective and empathetic.<\/li>
    • Feel the most comfortable when you know someone on a deeper level.<\/li><\/ul>","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Start-a-Conversation-with-a-Stranger"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Have-a-Deep-Conversation"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Start a Conversation with a Stranger","id":34361,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Start-a-Conversation-with-a-Stranger","image":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/eb\/Start-a-Conversation-with-a-Stranger-Step-20.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Start-a-Conversation-with-a-Stranger-Step-20.jpg","alt":"How to Start a Conversation with a Stranger"},{"title":"How to Have a Deep Conversation","id":674377,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Have-a-Deep-Conversation","image":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/59\/Deal-With-a-Backstabbing-Friend-Step-2-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-With-a-Backstabbing-Friend-Step-2-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Have a Deep Conversation"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You value deep connections and have an \u201cevergreen\u201d friendship style.","meaning":"Based on your answers, we bet you value strong and supportive relationships. Like an evergreen tree, your roots run deep, and that doesn\u2019t stop with your friendships! You crave regular interactions that go beneath the surface and help you understand someone (and yourself) on a deeper level. It\u2019s relatively easy for you to make friends, but you hold those within your inner circle close. For you, life is about understanding others on a super intimate level\u2014and that\u2019s exactly what you plan to do!

      As a sturdy evergreen, you likely:
      <\/u>
      • Value meaningful and thoughtful discussions.<\/li>
      • Recharge by being around someone you love.<\/li>
      • Give and receive love easily.<\/li>
      • Feel the most comfortable around close friends and family.<\/li><\/ul>","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Have-a-Deep-Conversation"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-to-Know-Someone-Better"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Have a Deep Conversation","id":674377,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Have-a-Deep-Conversation","image":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/59\/Deal-With-a-Backstabbing-Friend-Step-2-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-With-a-Backstabbing-Friend-Step-2-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Have a Deep Conversation"},{"title":"The Best Ways to Get to Know Someone on a Deeper Level","id":1385166,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Get-to-Know-Someone-Better","image":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/23\/Get-to-Know-Someone-Better-Step-16.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Get-to-Know-Someone-Better-Step-16.jpg","alt":"The Best Ways to Get to Know Someone on a Deeper Level"}],"minimum":0},{"text":"You\u2019re a little shy and have a \u201cwallflower\u201d friendship style.","meaning":"Based on your answers, we bet you\u2019re an intelligent observer. You\u2019re likely introverted and, at a first glance, come across as shy and quiet. Parties probably aren\u2019t your thing, as you\u2019d much rather spend a cozy night in than socialize all night. But just because you\u2019d prefer time alone doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re not an incredible friend to the people close to you\u2014because you are. You\u2019re likely very selective about who you open up with, but when you blossom, you radiate positive and empathetic energy. You\u2019re a fantastic listener and will do whatever you can to support those you love (even if it\u2019s from the sidelines).

        As a wallflower, you likely:
        <\/u>
        • Are detail-oriented and observant.<\/li>
        • Recharge by spending time alone.<\/li>
        • Have a light social calendar.<\/li>
        • Feel the most comfortable when you\u2019re by yourself.<\/li><\/ul>","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Alone-on-a-Friday-Night"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Socialize-As-an-Introvert"}],"link_data":[{"title":"20+ Ways to Have Fun When You\u2019re Alone on Friday Night","id":13831748,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Alone-on-a-Friday-Night","image":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/3a\/Alone-on-a-Friday-Night-Step-20.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Alone-on-a-Friday-Night-Step-20.jpg","alt":"20+ Ways to Have Fun When You\u2019re Alone on Friday Night"},{"title":"How to Socialize As an Introvert","id":8331742,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Socialize-As-an-Introvert","image":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/85\/Be-an-Extrovert-Step-14.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-an-Extrovert-Step-14.jpg","alt":"How to Socialize As an Introvert"}],"minimum":0}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Friend<\/picture>","alt":"Are They a Good Friend Quiz"},{"title":"Are You Best Friends Quiz","id":13457572,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Best-Friend-Quiz","image":"\"Best<\/picture>","alt":"Are You Best Friends Quiz"},{"title":"Is My Friend Toxic Quiz","id":13445321,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Is-My-Friend-Toxic-Quiz","image":"\"Is<\/picture>","alt":"Is My Friend Toxic Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"I want to know more about what type of friend I am.","result":"Awesome! Take these quizzes to learn more about yourself:","next_quizzes":[{"title":"Which Friend Am I Quiz","id":13964430,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Which-Friend-Are-You","image":"\"Which<\/picture>","alt":"Which Friend Am I Quiz"},{"title":"What Type of Person Am I Quiz","id":13974160,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/What-Type-of-Person-Am-I","image":"\"What<\/picture>","alt":"What Type of Person Am I Quiz"},{"title":"Am I a Likable Person Quiz","id":14061268,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Likable-Person-Test","image":"\"Likable<\/picture>","alt":"Am I a Likable Person Quiz"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>

What Are Friendship Styles?

Friendship or social styles describe how you interact and thrive in social settings. In other words, your friendship style determines what type of connections you crave. Author Kasley Killam, MPH outlined the 4 social styles in her book The Art and Science of Connection . The styles go beyond being introverted or extroverted and focus on the types of conversations people seek and how they recharge their “social batteries.”

So, what are the styles? The 4 friendship styles are:

  • Butterfly: A person who thrives with frequent social interaction and doesn’t enjoy spending time alone.
  • Firefly: A person who enjoys social engagements, but needs time alone to recharge.
  • Evergreen: A person who values deep connections with close friends most.
  • Wallflower: A person who’s shy but attentive and craves time alone.

Killam’s theory on friendship styles became mainstream in June 2024 after The New York Times published an online quiz that would determine a person’s style.

Want to learn more?

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