Am I Clingy? (And Why?)

Take this quiz to see if you're too attached to the people in your life.

Everyone’s clingy sometimes! While it’s natural for people to want to stick close to the people you like, have you ever wondered if you’ve stuck a little too close?

Answer these quick, confidential questions honestly, and we’ll tell you whether or not you’re a clingy person, and why you might be that way.

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Questions Overview

1. It's been a few hours since you texted your friend, and they haven't replied. How do you feel?
  1. They must hate me. They'll never talk to me again.
  2. They've been in a terrible accident! It's the only explanation.
  3. I call them until they pick up. I want to talk, and nothing will get in my way!
  4. As long as they get back to me eventually, I'm not worried.
2. You’ve already hung out with your partner twice this week. You ask to see them tonight, but they say they can’t. How do you feel?
  1. I feel so sad and stressed. Even for just one night, I feel like I’ll miss them.
  2. I’m worrying that they don’t want to hang out because I’m not fun to be around.
  3. I wonder if this is a sign that they’re about to break up with me.
  4. It's okay. There's always the next one!
3. Your partner goes on a long trip without you. How do you feel?
  1. I worry something bad has happened to them.
  2. I miss them, but I'll keep myself busy until they're back.
  3. I worry they're meeting someone new.
  4. I roam around the house. I don't know what to do with myself without them.
4. Your friend brings you to a stranger's party then ditches you. What do you do?
  1. I mingle and meet new people.
  2. Find my friend ASAP. I can't believe they left me alone.
  3. Stand awkwardly in the corner, petting the dog.
  4. I leave the party. There's no point in being there without my friend.
5. You find out that your friend is hanging out with someone you don’t know well. You:
  1. Feel jealous and wish they would’ve invited you.
  2. Think that your friend must like them better. Or maybe they’re talking behind your back
  3. Don't worry. I’ll look forward to meeting the other friend eventually!
6. Your best friend seems mad at you. What do you do?
  1. Call them and beg their forgiveness for whatever I did.
  2. Act natural and wait for them to bring it up. If they have a problem, they'll tell me.
  3. Shower them with gifts. They can't be mad at me if I'm giving them presents.
  4. Act a little cold and distant. Two can play at this game.
7. How often do you text your best friend or partner?
  1. Now and then. It depends on how chatty I'm feeling.
  2. All day, every day. I have things to say!
  3. Barely ever. We don't have to be yapping 24/7.
8. What would you do if your best friend announced they were moving away?
  1. Pack my things. I'm going with them!
  2. Get to work making new friends ASAP.
  3. I'd be fine. People come and go.
  4. I'd try to convince them to stay.
9. Do you think it's okay for romantic partners to keep secrets from each other?
  1. No. They shouldn't have anything to hide from each other.
  2. Sure. Everyone has a few secrets.
  3. Maybe some secrets, but not big ones.
10. Your partner cancels a date at the last minute. How do you feel?
  1. That's too bad, but we can always reschedule.
  2. I wonder if something's wrong, like they got sick or are hurt.
  3. I worry that they're secretly seeing someone else tonight.
  4. I'm a little frustrated, tbh. I was counting on spending time with them.
11. What would hurt your feelings the most in a relationship?
  1. My partner giving me the cold shoulder or excluding me.
  2. My partner messing around with other people.
  3. My partner pointing out or mocking my flaws.
  4. My partner pitying me or treating me like a child.
12. Would you ever eat at a restaurant alone?
  1. Sure! I like going on solo adventures.
  2. No. I'd feel too self-conscious.
  3. Nah, I'd feel a little lonely.
  4. Maybe, but I'd rather bring a friend or partner.

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Still, if you want to feel less clingy, try to ask the people you love more questions about how they\u2019d prefer you treat them. For example, \"Do you want me to come with? Or are you good doing this by yourself?\" or, \"Do you want some alone time?\" or, \"Can I call you in a little bit, or is now not a good time?\". Communication goes a long way toward respecting boundaries!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Find-out-if-You-Are-Too-Clingy"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Clingy"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Find out if You Are Too Clingy","id":417926,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Find-out-if-You-Are-Too-Clingy","image":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b0\/Find-out-if-You-Are-Too-Clingy-Step-17.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Find-out-if-You-Are-Too-Clingy-Step-17.jpg","alt":"How to Find out if You Are Too Clingy"},{"title":"How to Be Less Clingy","id":697746,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Clingy","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/16\/Be-Less-Clingy-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-Less-Clingy-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Be Less Clingy"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":2,"text":"You're clingy because you're a little insecure.","meaning":"Based on your answers, it seems like you might be a little bit clingy. It also seems like that clinginess comes from some kind of insecurity. Do you feel like you crave reassurance? Often, that craving comes from a lack of confidence. It could be that you're not convinced of your own value and worth, and so you look to other people to tell you that you're wanted and loved, but you lean on that reassurance a bit too much, which can sometimes come across as clinginess.

To solve this, you need to get to the heart of the problem: your self-esteem. Take it from us, you're a valuable and worthy person, it's just a matter of believing it. Then, you won't feel the need to have others validate you.

Boost your self-esteem by focusing on your skills and things you're good at. Are you a great artist? A quick thinker? A kind soul? When you define yourself by what you are, instead of what you aren't, you start to have more confidence and security, and won't feel the need to get those things from other people.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Overcome-Low-Self-Esteem"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Clingy"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Overcome Low Self Esteem","id":691816,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Overcome-Low-Self-Esteem","image":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/cf\/Stop-Bullying-Step-1-Version-3.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Bullying-Step-1-Version-3.jpg","alt":"How to Overcome Low Self Esteem"},{"title":"How to Be Less Clingy","id":697746,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Clingy","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/16\/Be-Less-Clingy-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-Less-Clingy-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Be Less Clingy"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"You're clingy because you're anxious.","meaning":"Based on your answers, it seems like you might be a little bit clingy. It also seems like that clinginess might come from anxiety or worry. You might be someone who tends to wonder how people feel about you, and you start to worry that maybe they don\u2019t like you as much as they say, so you need them to reassure you, or prove it. It\u2019s a totally natural feeling, but one that we all need to keep an eye on.

When you feel anxious about your relationship with someone, ask yourself if they've ever actually done anything to earn your mistrust, or if you're being unfair to them. You wouldn't want them to feel that way about you, would you?

One way to improve is to communicate more, and more honestly, about your own worries. Then, remind yourself that you can only control your own actions, not other people's, and that you have to trust them to make the right choices. If something bad happens, you'll deal with it then, but in the meantime, it's not fair to assume the worst of the people who love you.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Trust"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Clingy"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Trust","id":400278,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Trust","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1b\/Trust-Step-21-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Trust-Step-21-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Trust"},{"title":"How to Be Less Clingy","id":697746,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Clingy","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/16\/Be-Less-Clingy-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-Less-Clingy-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Be Less Clingy"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":4,"text":"You're clingy because you're a little dependent.","meaning":"Based on your answers, it seems like you might be a bit clingy. It also seems like that clinginess comes from overdependence on your partner or your loved ones. When you love someone, it\u2019s easy to get used to them, and to lean on them more than you lean on other people. It\u2019s easy to forget that they\u2019re their own people, with full lives of their own. It\u2019s good to rely on someone else, but we all need to remember that our loved ones need some room to breathe, too!

The solution to this is building healthy boundaries and practicing independence. Try doing more things on your own, like running errands, going to movies, or even just spending your downtime by yourself. Once you are more comfortable in your own company, and realize that you're capable of providing for yourself, you'll be less dependent on the people around you.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Dependent-in-a-Relationship"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Clingy"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Be Less Dependent in a Relationship","id":12632885,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Dependent-in-a-Relationship","image":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/64\/Be-Less-Dependent-in-a-Relationship-Step-10.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-Less-Dependent-in-a-Relationship-Step-10.jpg","alt":"How to Be Less Dependent in a Relationship"},{"title":"How to Be Less Clingy","id":697746,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Be-Less-Clingy","image":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/16\/Be-Less-Clingy-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Be-Less-Clingy-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","alt":"How to Be Less Clingy"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Friendship<\/picture>","alt":"What's My Friendship Style Quiz"},{"title":"Are They Your True Friend Quiz","id":14577181,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Are-They-Your-Real-Friend-Test","image":"\"Are<\/picture>","alt":"Are They Your True Friend Quiz"},{"title":"Are They a Good Friend Quiz","id":14580345,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Friend-Quiz","image":"\"Friend<\/picture>","alt":"Are They a Good Friend Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"Romantic partners","result":"Interesting! In that case, why not check out these quizzes?","next_quizzes":[{"title":"Am I In a Situationship Quiz","id":14462765,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Situationship-Quiz","image":"\"Situationship<\/picture>","alt":"Am I In a Situationship Quiz"},{"title":"Will I Ever Find Love Quiz","id":14125254,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Will-I-Ever-Find-Love","image":"\"Will<\/picture>","alt":"Will I Ever Find Love Quiz"},{"title":"Compatibility Test","id":14562823,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Compatibility-Test","image":"\"Compatibility<\/picture>","alt":"Compatibility Test"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>

Being Less Clingy

Nobody likes to feel clingy. It makes you start to feel like you’re a burden or a nuisance for the people you love, when all you really want to do is show them how much you enjoy and appreciate them.

Clinginess can be caused by many things. Usually, it’s caused by insecurity, dependence, or anxiety. The common factor is that all these things originate from inside you, but they can also all be worked on and improved to make you less clingy.

Here are helpful things you can do:

Build your own confidence. When you love the person you are, you rely less on other people to make you feel good about yourself. Take a moment, right now, to write down 3 strengths you have, or 3 things you like about yourself. Do this every day, and each day try to find 3 different things. Or, practice something you’re good at, like a skill or art form. When you do something well, you show yourself that you’re capable and worthy.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. Another big source of clinginess is a lack of trust. You might feel that the people you love don’t actually feel that way about you, or that they do things behind your back, so you feel the urge to monitor or control them. Trust is a tricky thing, but mostly it’s just a matter of putting faith in people. For the most part, nobody is out to get you, and your loved ones do want you around. Once you start believing that, you’ll become less clingy.

Do more things alone. When your clinginess comes from dependency, you start to feel like you need someone by your side all the time. But you’re a complete person who can fend for yourself! Convince yourself of this by doing more things alone. Go shopping, take yourself to a restaurant, wander around a museum. The more time you spend with yourself, the more you’ll see that you don’t always need someone to keep you company.

Make your own goals to work toward. When you’re clingy, you start to invest more in other people and less in yourself. As a result, you lose touch with your own personality and who you want to be. Overcome this by setting your own personal goals. Is there a skill you want to learn? A career you want to obtain? A place you’d like to travel to? Find a goal and start working toward it, and you’ll find that you’ll naturally become a more distinct, independent, and less clingy person.

Want to learn more?

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