How to Respond to an Adult Bully

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Bullying doesn’t always stop in adulthood, but that doesn’t mean you should have to put up with it. It’s never okay for someone to bully you, whether they’re a friend, coworker, family member, or stranger. The good news is that it’s completely possible to respond to an adult bully in a calm, mature way and shut down their bullying behavior. If they still keep bothering you, there are other things you can do to get the bullying to stop and feel more assertive and confident when you’re around them.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Handling Bullying Behavior

PDF download Download Article
  1. If you are faced with a bully, one of the best strategies to use is removing yourself from the situation. Take a different route to class. Walk in a group where you are less likely to be singled out. If it is not possible to avoid the bully all together, make sure you are never alone with them. The bully may not want witnesses to the bad behavior so even taking the step to have another person with you may help to end the problem.
    • Bullies target those they know that they can get a reaction out of, so don't make it obvious that you're avoiding them.
    • If the bully is on social media, block the profile and remove any connections you share with them. [1] Be aware, however, that the bully may create a new profile, so be careful when accepting new requests. Consider disabling comments on your social media accounts if the harassment continues. [2]
  2. A bully may call names or try to embarrass you, but ignoring the taunts may send the message that they will not be getting a reaction out of you. The bully will likely move on. This is going to be very hard to do in some cases, but think of it as a game and it may get easier [3]
    • Don't explain anything to the bully; chances are, they know that they're being ignored and why. Telling them this will only give them the satisfaction that they're bothering you.
    Advertisement
  3. Making a joke at someone else’s expense is often the go-to behavior for a bully. You can take the sting out of this by simply laughing along. This approach also works if the bully uses sarcastic compliments to be mean. [4]
    • For example, instead of getting upset when they sarcastically tell you that you look nice, say “Why, thanks, Bethany!” as nicely as you can and walk away.
    • Using humor may seem odd, but if the bully sees you don't care or don't “get” you're being made fun of, the jokes will stop.
  4. If you are being bullied by a coworker or a family member whom you interact with frequently, you need to speak with this person privately about their behavior.
    • Talk to the bully in private but not in complete isolation. For example, talk to them in the breakroom at work, rather than in the back parking lot.
    • Enlist the help of another co-worker, if you're at work, who can be close by if needed to get help. [5]
    • Mention the behavior, but don't tell the bully that it makes you feel bad. For example, say “The taunting is disrupting my day. I’d appreciate it if you stopped.” Also, if you say anything about going to HR if this is at work, be ready to do just that.
    • Sticking up for yourself when it is safe to do so may not undo what the bully has already done, but it will help in preserving your sense of self-respect. [6]
    5. Advertisement
Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Choosing to Not Be a Victim

PDF download Download Article
  1. [7] Bullies often target people they know they can get a rise out of. Do not give the bully what they want. Take a deep breath and continue on with what you were doing, or walk away. [8]
    • It might help to repeat a mantra in your head to maintain your calm in the face of a bully. Repeat something like “Don’t give them a reaction” or “Keep it cool.”
  2. Studies show that people are less likely to get teased or bullied if they exhibit an assertive attitude. You can stop being a victim to bullying by changing your reaction. Beware of your body language. Lift your chin, keep your back straight, and pull your shoulders back. [9] Remaining aware and in control of your body will also help you remain calm and clear-headed. [10]
    • If showing strong, positive signals doesn’t come naturally, practice your assertive attitude at home while you’re away from the bully.
    • If you have friends that you trust, consider asking them to help and advice. Have them point out when you're lacking confidence or when you're being assertive.
  3. Keeping a record of the bully’s taunts will help you to keep dates straight and establish a pattern. You will need to establish a pattern if this goes further and you report the behavior to a boss at work or the police if this is a domestic situation that you need help for.
    • Save emails and take screenshots of social media comments right away. If you wait too long, the bully may delete them.
  4. Make sure this conversation includes a clear picture of the pattern and any documentation. If you are at school, you can tell an instructor or a school administrator. [11]
    • If this is at work, go to the meeting with suggestions as to how this can be fixed. This might include moving the bully to a different department or working with HR. Be prepared to answer what you want to have happen.
    • If you meet with the person at work face-to-face, follow up with an email documenting when the meeting took place and follow ups so you have it in writing what occurred. This will be included in the documentation if the behavior continues.
    5. Advertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Avoiding Bullying Traps

PDF download Download Article
  1. The behavior, no matter how personal of an attack that is used, is never about you. It’s about the need of the bully to get attention or to perseverate behaviors picked up elsewhere.
    • Understanding a bully's motive may help you realize that their behavior is not personal. For example, they could just feel jealous or threatened.
    • Remember, you’re not doing anything wrong—it’s not about you. [12]
  2. This probably is not the first time the bully has acted like this so they are probably pretty good at it. You do not want to open yourself up to a situation where the only behavior anyone sees is your reaction and you get into trouble. [13]
    • Don't bully back online. If the bully deletes their content, it will look like you are the one who did all the bullying!
    Responding with anger doesn't help. "I am dealing with a family member who has been disrupting the family. He had a big blow-up last night and everyone's anger was building. A family counselor told us that he was a bully and we were responding to him with anger which wasn't helping. Things have changed now that we understand how to communicate with him." - Patrick U.
    Bullies are selfish. "This article inspired me to gather the courage to attend a family event tonight, despite my daughter and I being bullied by members of our family. I now know that I don't have to exist under their control and they just wish to rob me of these precious moments in order to feel victorious." - Raymond T.
    We want to hear from you! Advice from our readers makes our articles better. If you have a story you’d like to share, tell us here .
  3. Becoming physical with a bully should be avoided at all costs. Whether you are at school, work, or in another environment, getting into an altercation can mean being arrested and charged with assault.
    • Physical self-defense should only be used as a last resort when required to protect yourself from the other person. Try to avoid this if you can. [14]
  4. The bully may choose to intimidate you to the point that you feel like there’s no one you can turn to. Share the experience with others. See a counselor. Deny this person the opportunity to steal away your voice. [15]
    5. Advertisement


Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    Why do moms judge other moms?
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA.
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    They probably have huge insecurities and problems in their own life and are taking them out on someone else. If you're a victim of bullying, remember that you aren't the person with the problem; the bully is.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 16
  • Question
    What are some ways I can control my body language in an anxiety-provoking situation?
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan is a Clinical Psychologist in Berkeley, CA. He specializes in Coherence Therapy and works with clients on anxiety, depression, anger management, and weight loss among other issues. He received his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA.
    Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    When we get anxious, we tend to lose contact with our body, so it's a great practice to be aware of your body in those moments. I often tell people, feel your feet on the floor and feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to focus your attention all the way down there so that you're not spinning in mental agitation. Take a few minutes to just keep breathing, and then allow your mind to problem solve.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 4 Helpful 12
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • It's not always easy to tell the difference between what is bullying and what might just be the result of somebody's temporary bad mood. Be charitable initially but do not tolerate persistent bad moods and bad behavior; repetition is a sign that you are being targeted.
        Thanks
        Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0
      • Harassment and threats are criminal offenses and should never be ignored. Contact the police immediately and press charges if a crime has been committed.
        Thanks
        Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0

      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Learn how to give a dignified response, a polite but concise rebuke that makes you look mature, calm & powerful, maintaining your self respect.
      • Sometimes, the only thing to do in a bullying situation is to walk away.
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      Warnings

      • Assertive behavior can be very effective if used in the early stages of bullying. However, if the bullying has already been going on for a long time it might not have the desired effects.
        Thanks
        Helpful 20 Not Helpful 2
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Communicate Assertively
      How to
      Deal With a Bullying Boss
      How to
      Deal with Workplace Bullying and Harassment
      How to
      Deal With Verbal Bullying
      How to
      Stop Bullying
      How to
      Stop Cyber Bullying
      How to
      Deal With Bullies
      How to
      Deal With Being Called Ugly
      How to
      Be Confident when Someone Insults You
      How to
      Handle Being Laughed at Behind Your Back
      How to
      React when Someone Teases You
      How to
      Stop People from Mocking
      An Expert-Approved Guide to Dealing With Bullying
      How to
      Stop a Mean Girl Bully
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/take_action/stop_block_and_tell.html
      2. ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201106/dealing-adult-bullies
      4. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-handle-being-bullied-as-an-adult-1726099137
      5. ↑ https://www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/Content.do?contentId=4887
      6. ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
      7. ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
      8. ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/at-play/Pages/Avoiding-Bullying.aspx
      9. ↑ https://www.kidpower.org/library/article/prevent-bullying/
      1. ↑ Dr. Niall Geoghegan, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview.24 July 2019.
      2. ↑ https://www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/Content.do?contentId=10627
      3. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-handle-being-bullied-as-an-adult-1726099137
      4. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-handle-being-bullied-as-an-adult-1726099137
      5. ↑ https://www.kidpower.org/library/article/prevent-bullying/
      6. ↑ https://www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/Content.do?contentId=4887

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      The easiest way to deal with an adult bully is to avoid them as much as you can, but if that's not possible, try your best to ignore their comments. Take a different route to class or work if this means you won’t be around them. If you can’t avoid being around the bully, remain calm by taking a deep breath, since they’ll continue bullying you if they get a reaction. Ignore any nasty comments rather than trying to respond, which will probably cause the bully to move on after a while. If you have to work with the bully, confront them about their behavior in a private place, like the break room at work, but not somewhere where you’re entirely alone. Alternatively, report the person to your supervisor. For tips on how to avoid reciprocating a bully’s behavior, keep reading!

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 683,425 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Patrick U.

        Apr 19, 2017

        "I am dealing with a family member who has been disrupting the family. He had a big blow-up last night and ..." more
        Rated this article:
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement