How to Assertively Deal with Body Shaming

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What to say when a stranger, friend, or person online body shames you
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Body shaming can be very hurtful, whether it’s coming from a stranger online or a close family member. It involves shaming someone by making inappropriate comments about their body—from their size, hairstyle, or skin color to their overall appearance. So, how should you react to body shaming? While it can be tough to deal with, there are also ways to take control of the situation, respond, and show body shamers that their comments are unacceptable. Here, we’ll show you the most effective ways to respond when someone body shames you—complete with examples so you’ll know exactly what to say.

Things You Should Know

  • Confront body shamers directly: “My appearance is none of your business, and I like my body just the way it is.”
  • Fight body shaming with positivity: “Thanks for your concern, but I’m really happy with how I look! I’m not looking for input about my weight.”
  • Explain that their words hurt: “You may not realize it, but when you talk about my looks, it makes me sad because I put lots of effort into my appearance.”
  • Stop internal body shaming by repeating affirmative mantras like: “I accept and love my body exactly as it is” and “My body is strong and beautiful.”
Method 1
Method 1 of 4:

Responding to Strangers

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  1. If people commonly comment on certain parts of your body, it can help you to practice a response to those comments. If you’re worried about getting negative comments about your weight, for instance, think up a few responses to use if it happens. That way, you won't be caught off guard by someone’s random critical remark. [1]
    • For example, say something like, "My weight is none of your business," or "I like my hair just the way it is, thank you."
  2. Calling body shamers out is an effective way to stop them from doing it again and encourage them to be more aware of what they’re saying. You don't have to tolerate rude comments, even if they are from strangers—plus, calling a person out may help you feel better about the situation because you're taking control. [2]
    • For example, if someone says, "Should you be ordering that? Do you really need those calories?" try responding, "I don't appreciate you commenting on my eating habits. My body, my choice."
    • However, if the stranger seems angry or aggressive, it may be best just to ignore them, particularly if you're in a secluded place. Always put your safety first!
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  3. You aren’t obligated to respond to a body-shaming comment—and, in some cases, reacting only gives the person the attention they want. So, if you don’t want to confront someone, try ignoring them instead. When you ignore them , you’re also giving them a chance to think about what they said and why it might have been inappropriate. [3]
    • When ignoring a person, don't even look in their direction. Keep doing whatever you’re doing and act like you don't hear what they're saying.
  4. In short, try not to let the body shaming get to you. While it's never okay for someone to comment on your body, you have the ability to decide if you’re going to let their negativity get to you. [4] Remember, comments like that are usually more about the other person than they are about you, so don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that they got under your skin.
    • For example, when someone makes a body-shaming comment, take a few moments to collect yourself. Take several deep breaths and visualize putting a barrier between yourself and their rude comments.
    • Repeat a soothing phrase like, “Their words can’t hurt me. I’m safe,” or “Their opinion doesn’t matter because I’m happy and healthy, and that’s what’s important.”
    • If they’re still trying to talk to you, detach from the conversation quickly and politely. Say something like, “I’m meeting someone and running a bit late, excuse me,” or “It was nice to talk to you, but I need to get going. Goodbye.”
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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:

Coping With Body-Shaming Online

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  1. Some people may use private messages to get under your skin. This method is particularly sneaky because it keeps them from looking bad publicly and takes away the support you might get from other internet users. When you get a nasty message, ask them to stop or block them outright—and delete the existing message.
    • To tell someone to stop messaging you, try saying, "Thanks for sharing your opinion with me, but I'm happy with who I am. Please stop messaging me."
    • If they don't stop, try blocking the person . Most social media platforms allow blocking.
    • If possible, add that person to a blocked email list on your email account, so they can't contact you there either.
    • Be sure to report any harassment or abuse you get on social media, as most websites will kick off users who abuse other members of the site.
  2. If you're body-shamed online, you may find yourself wanting to dive into the comments section. However, reading and re-reading those comments will only hurt you more in the long run. Instead, try to skip reading comments you know will be hurtful from past experience, and if you come across a negative comment, stop reading as soon as you realize it's body shaming.
  3. On the internet, it can be tempting to resort to name-calling and personal attacks when you feel like someone else is attacking you. However, that won’t get you anywhere; rather, it just brings you down to their level. Focus on responding to what they say, not attacking them in return. [5]
    • For instance, if someone says, "You have an ugly nose," it doesn't help to reply with something like, "You're one to talk; your face would stop traffic." That kind of reply would likely just start a nasty back-and-forth between you.
    • Instead, try saying, "I like my nose a lot. Thankfully, my opinion of myself isn't dependent on your opinion of me."
  4. If someone on the internet shames you for your appearance, show them that you’re owning your body and looks. [6] Turn the shaming on its head by posting a picture or two to show off how confident you are alongside a positive message and show bullies that their negativity can’t force you to feel bad about yourself.
    • For instance, if someone makes fun of your hair, post a flattering pic of your hair alongside a caption, such as, "Others may not love it, but I think my hair rocks!"
  5. There are some places on the internet (like the comments section of a YouTube video, for example) where people may not be receptive to any comments challenging body shaming. Rather than fighting back at every little comment, look for places you know your words may actually be heard—like on a friend’s post that unintentionally engages in body shaming.
    • For example, if you post a pic of yourself post-pregnancy and a friend writes, “Don’t worry, you’ll lose the weight eventually,” try responding with, “Thanks for the reassurance, but I’m not looking for comments about my body shape.”
    • You can't always choose where you stand up for yourself, but sometimes fighting back can do more harm than good. In some cases, it's better to walk away from the nasty comments and not look back.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:

Dealing With Friends, Family, and Acquaintances

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  1. When dealing with a body shaming comment from a friend or family member, let them know when they say something that’s out of line. [7] You don't have to be mean or snippy; rather, just say you don't appreciate their comment and move on. If you feel like it, briefly explain why their comment was inappropriate as well.
    • For instance, if a friend says something you consider body shaming, say, "Thank you for your concern, but I'm trying to be more positive about my body. I'd appreciate it if you didn't say things like that in the future."
  2. It may seem rude, but ignoring their comments may help them see that whatever they said was not okay. [8] Use this treatment for things like backhanded compliments—since you may not want to thank someone for an insult disguised as a compliment.
    • For instance, say your mother says something like, "That's a pretty dress, but it's not right for you," it may be best to ignore it.
  3. If the person who's been body shaming is generally a kind person, they may not realize what they’re doing wrong. They may think they're giving you helpful advice when in reality, they're saying hurtful things. Sit down with them and have a heart-to-heart to talk about why their comments bother you. [9]
    • Say something like, "You may not realize you're doing it, but when you say things like, 'Your hair is a little wild today. Why don't you go fix it?' it really hurts my feelings. It makes me feel sad because I work hard on my hair before coming over."
  4. Some people may not see the point of giving up their body shaming talk—so it may be best to spend less time with them. You’re not obligated to be around people who make you feel bad about yourself! As you spend less and less time with them, they may get the picture and change their behavior. If not, at least you don't have to be around their toxic language.
    • You may not be able to avoid some people altogether, but do what you can. For instance, if it's a family member you only see at group gatherings, try to avoid getting into conversations with them.
  5. Sometimes, people (even doctors) may make assumptions about you based on your body size. If you're a large person, your doctor may make assumptions about the way you eat, exercise, and take care of yourself. It's important to challenge those assumptions to ensure that your doctor treats you like any other patient. [10]
    • For instance, if your doctor suggests that the only way to treat an illness or condition is losing weight, ask the doctor if they would treat a thinner person the same way.
    • Additionally, ask your doctor to explain how your weight and condition are related. Say, "How does my weight cause this? Is this condition not diagnosed in thinner people?"
    • Be open-minded to what your doctor has to say so that you can see if they’re really trying to help you and not commenting on your looks.
    • Remember that even if your body size is contributing to your health problems, that doesn’t mean you should feel bad about yourself. Focus on working with your doctor to make positive changes for your health, not for your body size.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:

Building Body Positivity

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  1. Your health is always more important than your appearance, so take care of yourself ! You may have days where you don’t feel great about yourself, and body-shaming comments can make those feelings worse, but self-care and acceptance often help. [11] Eat well, spend time on hobbies that make you happy, and hang out with people who care about you.
    • When you look at your reflection in the mirror, pay attention to your inner dialogue. Is it critical? Stop negative commentary by firmly saying “No.”
    • Look for new ways to manage your stress . Exercising , meditating, and deep breathing can all help you feel calm and stop you from getting overwhelmed by stress—which, in turn, may help you deal with body-shaming comments.
  2. Body-shaming doesn’t just come from other people; when you have negative thoughts about yourself, body-shaming can come from within. [12] To prevent that, try shifting your focus to things you like about yourself. Be proud of the qualities that make you unique, and repeat uplifting mantras instead of negative thoughts.
    • For example, if you catch yourself thinking negative things about your body, stop yourself and repeat a mantra like, “I accept my body the way it is,” or “My body is strong and beautiful.”
    • It’s okay if you struggle with positivity at first. Rather than starting with positive affirmations right off the bat, try body neutrality instead—which essentially means respecting your body without having to love or hate it.
      • To practice body neutrality, replace negative self-talk with phrases that simply describe the things your body can do (and not what it looks like). [13]
      • For example, say something like, “My body helps me in many ways,” or “My body works hard and deserves respect.”
  3. Rather than wishing for all the things you think are missing, try to appreciate the body you have. After all, your body keeps you alive every day and allows you to live life to the fullest. What’s not to love about that? Take note of all the simple things your body can do that you don’t usually think about, and be thankful for those things. [14]
    • For example, you may not often register your breathing or heartbeat, but they’re both vital functions that every single body does, and that’s worth being thankful for.
  4. Spending a lot of time on social media may cause you more stress by exposing you to body-shaming comments. To protect yourself, unfollow all the people who make insensitive, body-shaming comments. [15] Then, try to build a body-positive feed on your account by only following friends and influencers who promote positivity.
    • Consider cutting back on your social media time if you use it a lot and refocus on other activities.
    • For example, use the time you would’ve spent scrolling down Twitter to connect with a friend in-person or go out and get some exercise.
  5. Practice mindful eating to remind yourself that, no matter how you feel about your body or what other people say, food is not your adversary. [16] No matter what you weigh or what your body looks like, you can still delight in eating. Plan tasty and nutritious meals for yourself ahead of time, and while you eat, focus on savoring each bite slowly to enjoy your food fully.
    • Try tuning out any distractions as well, like your phone or TV, so you can focus entirely on enjoying your meal instead.
  6. When you experience body shaming from someone else, reach out to a friend or family member and tell them what you’ve been dealing with—whether you see them in person or simply shoot them a quick text. A trusted confidante can give you an outlet to share your feelings and cope with the emotional strain of being body-shamed. [17]
    • If you feel you need additional support, consider finding a therapist or licensed mental health counselor. They’ll help you process your emotions and give you sound advice on how to deal with body shaming.
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      Tips

      • Keep in mind that you don't have to be large to be body shamed. People get picked on no matter their size for things like weight, hair, and muscle size (or lack of muscles).
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      • Be careful not to incorporate how others may see you into how you see yourself.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.pennlive.com/bodyandmind/index.ssf/2013/09/how_to_deal_with_intrusive_str.html
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-respond-to-rude-or-inappropriate-remarks
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-respond-to-rude-or-inappropriate-remarks
      4. ↑ https://more-love.org/2019/01/23/the-terrors-of-middle-school-body-harassment-and-how-to-help-your-child-navigate-body-shaming/
      5. ↑ https://more-love.org/2019/01/23/the-terrors-of-middle-school-body-harassment-and-how-to-help-your-child-navigate-body-shaming/
      6. ↑ https://more-love.org/2019/01/23/the-terrors-of-middle-school-body-harassment-and-how-to-help-your-child-navigate-body-shaming/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beauty-sick/201812/7-strategies-shut-down-body-shaming-family-members
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beauty-sick/201812/7-strategies-shut-down-body-shaming-family-members
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beauty-sick/201812/7-strategies-shut-down-body-shaming-family-members
      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/fat-shaming
      2. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/body-image.html
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-sex/201707/how-overcome-body-shame
      4. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/body-positivity-vs-body-neutrality/
      5. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/body-image.html
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-sex/201707/how-overcome-body-shame
      7. ↑ https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/taking-care-of-you/6-tips-to-overcome-body-shame
      8. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/body-image/get-help

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      It’s never cool for someone to body shame you, but you don’t have to let it go to you. Try to just ignore the comment and move on with your life. Body shaming can be hurtful, but try not to take it personally. Remember that the person’s probably projecting their own insecurity on you. If you can’t leave the situation and someone keeps making hurtful comments, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Say something like, “I don’t appreciate those kind of comments. My body has nothing to do with you.” If it happens online, just block the person and don’t reply, since they’re probably just trying to get a reaction out of you. For more tips from our co-author, including how to deal with friends and family members who body shame you, read on.

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      • Anonymous

        Feb 23, 2018

        "Thanks! My friends at school constantly fat-shamed me even though I'm 6'0 and weigh just around 50 kg."
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