How to Set Boundaries in Christian Dating

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

When you set them up right, boundaries can make dating even more enjoyable and comfortable. As a Christian, you already know that intimacy is something reserved for marriage. As a result, you might be wondering about how to best preserve your commitment to God when temptation seems to creep in to your relationship. We’re here to help by guiding you through how to set boundaries in Christian dating, so read on for some helpful advice.

1

Know your own boundaries beforehand.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a6\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a6\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-1.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Write down what kinds of emotional and physical boundaries you would need to save for a serious relationship, and which boundaries you want to save for marriage. Sometimes, the excitement of meeting someone new can make us relax our boundaries, but by writing them down beforehand, you can make sure you don’t get too carried away.
    • For example, many Christians are comfortable with a kiss on the cheek to show affection, but draw the line at long make-out sessions or anything below the belt. Your boundaries may be different: it’s important that you not compare your boundaries to others, and instead do what feels spiritually right to you. [1]
    • The boundaries you journal might look something like this: “I want to save sex for marriage and kissing for a fiance after we’ve been engaged. I want to wait to say “I love you” at least until we’ve already had serious conversations about our future lives together, and wait until marriage before moving in together.”
    • In Biblical times, people didn’t date, and instead marriages were generally pre-arranged. Therefore, the Bible doesn’t explicitly say what acts are acceptable before marriage, but you should draw a line between acts of affection and acts of a sexual nature. Where that line should be depends on you and your own personal understanding of faith.
    2. Advertisement
2

Talk about physical boundaries early in your relationship.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-2.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It can feel awkward to bring this topic up at the start of a new relationship, but someone who wants to help you honor your commitment to God will understand. Start a conversation by saying something like “Before we get more serious in our relationship, I want us to be on the same page about what kind of intimacy we want to save for marriage.” [2]
    • It’s okay if you and your partner come into the relationship with different expectations for boundaries, but try to leave this conversation with the same ones. Neither you or your partner should commit to going any farther than either of you feels is comfortable—no one should feel pushed to loosen their boundaries. [3]
    • For example, if your partner is okay with spending the night at your place, but you’d rather have a curfew after which you return to your respective homes, the curfew should be the boundary for your relationship.
3

Stay emotionally independent at first.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e9\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e9\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-3.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Set up emotional boundaries for yourself: for example, there’s no such thing as taking things too slow, so wait to tell your partner you love them until you’re absolutely sure. Instead of quick declarations of love, focus first on building a strong friendship with someone you’re interested in before moving on to a romantic relationship. [4]
    • Wait until you feel very committed to your partner before deciding to pray together. Praying together can build spiritual intimacy before your relationship is ready—remember that God is interested in our authentic, private selves, not the selves we use to impress potential romantic partners. [5]
    • Be wary of emotionally depending on your partner. At least until you’re married, you should feel comfortable living your life independent of your partner—your partner’s presence should feel like something enjoyable, not something necessary.
    • As scripture tells us: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Just as Christians are called to guard their hearts against negative influences and evil intentions, they are likewise asked to be judicious about who they give their heart to.
    2. Advertisement
4

Help each other stay accountable.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/35\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/35\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-4.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Make a habit of reminding each other of your commitments to God whenever you’re in a situation that could threaten your boundaries. For example, if you’re alone in a room together, open the door, and tell your partner something like, “I love spending time with you, and I’m doing this so that we can feel more relaxed.” [6]
    • In your married life, sexual desire will come and go—it’s only natural. Dating in a way that is spiritually pure is good practice for showing affection in other ways. [7] Think of keeping each other accountable as building a relationship that’s not solely about sex [8]
    • Reader Poll: If you’re practicing abstinence, you might be curious to hear that we asked 546 wikiHow readers who are also practicing to tell us their biggest challenge: and 59% agreed that resisting temptation is the hardest part. [Take Poll]
    • If you and your partner feel this way at times too, you’re not alone!
5

Steer clear of tempting situations.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/86\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/86\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-5.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    When you’re with someone you’re interested in, try to spend time with them in public—this can help reduce the temptation to break your boundaries. [9]
    • Remember that all temptations can be overcome. Keep this verse from the Bible in mind: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Cor. 10-13). [10]
    2. Advertisement
6

Practice modesty around your partner.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/6e\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/6e\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-6.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Think about the Christ-like people in your life, and try to emulate their behavior. There’s no need to show your interest in someone by acting or dressing in a provocative way—instead, focus on building a strong foundation of trust and friendship. [11]
    • Try to avoid doing things that would make it difficult for you or your partner to stay away from temptation. A good rule of thumb is to dress and act around each other like you would if your grandma was in the room.
7

Have a friend help you stay on the right track.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b3\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b3\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-7.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    For example, if you’re taking a trip with your partner, ask a friend if they can call you at night to make sure you make it back to your own room at a reasonable hour. Scheduling double dates with a friend who is also seeing someone can help keep you both accountable, and also be a lot of fun. [12]
    2. Advertisement
8

Talk to Christian mentors.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/3a\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/3a\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-8.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Try spending your time as a couple in your church community and get to know people who have been in your shoes. Many of them will be more than happy to help you navigate your relationship, and can give you advice about keeping your relationship healthy and in line with God’s plan. [13]
    • Don’t be afraid to ask a couple about any issues you’re having in your relationship. Your church community is meant to support you, and you shouldn’t feel like certain topics are off-limits.
9

Relax your emotional and physical boundaries with caution.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/96\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/96\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-9.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It’s possible that you’ll decide to renegotiate your boundaries, and end up feeling comfortable spiritually and emotionally taking things further with your partner. If you do, make sure it’s not a spur-of-the-moment decision you may later regret. Have this conversation ahead of time, and make sure both of you have thought it through. [14]
    • Temptation can be a slippery slope—one night you might decide to spend a little too long kissing your partner, and the next night you might end up taking things further.
    2. Advertisement
10

Date for marriage.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/41\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/41\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-10.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Christians are called to use dating to find a future spouse with whom they can share a life. [15] Dating can be fun, but it’s something that has a purpose. Be honest with yourself on whether you see your relationship as one with a future—if not, it may be time to have a difficult conversation. [16]
    • Initiating a breakup can be extremely hard, and it’s important to have a support system of friends, family, and religious brothers and sisters to help you through it. A breakup can be a drawn-out conversation, but you’ll want to say something like, “Although I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you, I just can’t see a future in our relationship.”
11

Remember that God is forgiving.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/17\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/17\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-11.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Find the courage to be open about your mistake to a religious mentor who can get you back on the right track. Then, think about why the mistake happened, and take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. This could mean limiting the amount of time you spend with each other unsupervised or coming up with new ways to stay accountable. [17]
    • God is full of forgiveness, and His grace is for everyone who truly repents of falling into temptation. As the Bible tells us, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).
    2. Advertisement
12

Take action if your partner crosses your boundaries.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/bb\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-12.jpg\/v4-460px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-12.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/bb\/Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-12.jpg\/aid12944720-v4-728px-Set-Boundaries-in-Christian-Dating-Step-12.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If your partner pushes you into something you’re not comfortable with, it’s important that you take action, including leaving this person, however painful that might be. [18] Someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries doesn’t respect you, and a lack of respect for you is not something you should tolerate in a relationship. [19]
    • If breaking your relationship’s physical boundaries was not something that you both consented to, understand that you may be a victim of sexual assault. In that case, it’s really important that you find a source of support to help you navigate these emotions. Please get in touch with a trusted friend, family member, or mentor. You can also contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 to speak to someone who can help you.


Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    How important is the use of body language in extending a relationship?
    Erika Kaplan
    Matchmaker
    Erika Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29.
    Erika Kaplan
    Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    Body language is important in communicating to your partner how you feel. It reveals your vulnerability when confiding in your partner but be sure not to overshare.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 5
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Turn a Girl On
      How to
      Make Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With You
      45 Sweet Paragraphs That’ll Make Your Girlfriend Cry
      28 Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Prepare for Your First Time for Guys
      How to
      Find Out if a Guy Secretly Likes You
      Signs a Woman is Sexually Attracted to You
      24 Different Ways to Kiss Your Boyfriend (and Be a Better Kisser)
      Romantic and Thoughtful Texts to Send to Your Boyfriend to Make Him Feel Special
      How to
      Kiss Your Boyfriend to Make Him Crazy
      How to
      Tell if Your Boyfriend Is Gay
      How to
      Get Your Boyfriend's Attention Sexually
      How to
      Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset
      50+ Conversation, Board, and Video Games to Play with Your Girlfriend
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Relationship Advisor. Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-life/how-should-christians-approach-dating.html
      3. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Relationship Advisor. Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
      4. ↑ https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/what-does-guard-your-heart-really-mean-in-dating/
      5. ↑ https://www.boundless.org/blog/3-cautions-before-you-start-praying-together/
      6. ↑ https://christianity.net.au/questions/how_do_i_manage_sexual_temptation_in_my_relationship
      7. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Relationship Advisor. Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
      8. ↑ https://christianity.net.au/questions/how_do_i_manage_sexual_temptation_in_my_relationship
      9. ↑ https://www.crosswalk.com/family/singles/3-ways-to-fight-dating-temptations.html
      1. ↑ https://www.crosswalk.com/family/singles/3-ways-to-fight-dating-temptations.html
      2. ↑ https://www.singleroots.com/of-modesty-and-men/
      3. ↑ https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-life/how-should-christians-approach-dating.html
      4. ↑ https://preengaged.com/should-we-have-mentors-even-while-dating-spiritual-intimacy-and-dating-part-5/
      5. ↑ https://www.boundless.org/adulthood/reestablishing-sexual-boundaries-after-youve-gone-too-far/
      6. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Relationship Advisor. Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-life/how-should-christians-approach-dating.html
      8. ↑ https://www.boundless.org/adulthood/reestablishing-sexual-boundaries-after-youve-gone-too-far/
      9. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Relationship Advisor. Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
      10. ↑ https://www.boundless.org/adulthood/reestablishing-sexual-boundaries-after-youve-gone-too-far/

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 38,192 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement