What Does Shelaborating Mean? (Plus, Why People Do It)

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Discover the new word that rivals "mansplaining"
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You've probably have heard the term “shelaborating” on social media, but what exactly does it mean? When a person (usually a woman) over-explains or elaborates with too much detail, they're shelaborating. Despite being a gendered term, anyone can "shelaborate." Keep reading for the term's full meaning, how and why it’s used, and how it compares to “mansplaining.”

What is shelaborating?

“Shelaborating” is when someone (often a woman) over-explains or elaborates—their answer includes far more information than the other person needs. Someone usually "shelaborates" to establish a connection with whoever they’re talking to and to come across as a good communicator.

Section 1 of 6:

What does “shelaborating” mean?

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  1. When asked about something or posed a question, the person who is “shelaborating” answers using much more detail than is expected of them. “Shelaborating” is considered the female equivalent of “mansplaining,” but it is possible for both women and men to “shelaborate,” just as both men and women can be accused of “mansplaining.”
    • The word “shelaborating” is a compound word made up of “she,” referring to women, and “elaborating.”
    • For example, when asked about their day, a “shelaborator” might describe everything from their first cup of coffee to what happened on the drive home.
    • When asked a generic “how are you doing,” they might answer by explaining every problem that they’re currently going through.
    • They might offer personal opinions, along with a backstory, when asked objective questions like “Is the office closed tomorrow?”
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Section 2 of 6:

Why People “Shelaborate"

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  1. 1
    To be helpful “Shelaborating” is related to the idea that women try to help or please those around them. As girls, they’re traditionally taught to think about how what they say and do affects others; they over-explain to help the other person understand the bigger picture. [1]
  2. 2
    To justify their point of view Fear, guilt, or self-doubt sometimes get in the way when women speak or give an answer. This is rooted in gender-bias norms stating that men speak to be assertive and women speak to connect. “Shelaborating” may be what happens when a woman feels the need to offer background, context, or prove their credibility.
  3. 3
    To create and maintain a sense of harmony Women who “shelaborate” are said to experience a “mental overload,” especially as caretakers (to children, spouses, or parents). To compensate for being overwhelmed, women may over explain things because they're already expecting further issues or follow-up questions and they're trying to avoid that. It may also be a coping mechanism that women use at home and in the workplace.
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Section 3 of 6:

Is “shelaborating” the female version of mansplaining?

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  1. Yes, “shalaborating” is considered the female form of “mansplaining.” While “shelaborating” is often thought of as the female counterpart of “mansplaining," it comes from a different place. "Mansplaining" is associated with the belief that men over-explain things to another person (usually a woman) to show off or reinforce an imbalance of power. “Shelaborating” is associated with the belief that women and girls use language to connect to whoever they’re talking to.
    • Problems occur when there is a disconnect with the person you’re speaking with. “Mansplaining” may offend those who think men are over-explaining, while “shelaborating” may offer them far more information than they might need or want.
Section 4 of 6:

Is “shelaborating” a bad thing?"

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  1. “Shelaborating” isn’t inherently bad but may not always be appreciated. When someone “shelaborates,” they usually do it from a place of wanting to connect and engage with the other person or fully express themselves in conversation. Other people may not always appreciate it, though, and in some cases, they may feel talked down to by those “shelaborating” in a way similar to how they would someone who is “mansplaining.” “Shelaborating” has both positive and negative aspects, depending on how and when it’s used.
    • For example, it’s considered positive if someone “shelaborates” to make the other person feel more comfortable.
    • It’s considered negative if they “shelaborate” just to hear themselves talk or to dominate the conversation.
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Section 5 of 6:

Ways to Avoid “Shelaborating”

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  1. If someone asks your opinion about a new coffee shop, do they really need to know the number of times you’ve gone there or how nice the barista was to you? Consider your relationship to the person asking the question and decide whether it warrants the amount of detail you’re giving them—if they’re a good friend, maybe it does, but if they’re a work colleague or an acquaintance, they probably just want a simple opinion. [2]
    • For example, if asked “what do you think of the new coffee shop downstairs?” you can simply answer “I like the coffee a lot; they have good prices and really tasty baked goods too.”
  2. 2
    Anticipate what point of view the listener is coming from. Reflect on the question or statement so you can quickly figure out why they’re asking the question. Rather than offer them a long story involving other people, time frames, and situations, you can always ask them a follow-up question if you’re unsure about your answer. [3]
    • For example, if someone asks something unclear, like “Do you know if packages came yet?” don’t tell them about when it usually comes or how long you’ve been waiting. Follow up by asking, “Do you mean the mail or the UPS?” They may specify the UPS, which helps you know what information they need.
  3. 3
    Consider how the other person might perceive your answer. If you overly explain an answer, do you come across as catty, chatty, or gossipy? Perhaps it makes you appear nervous or unsure of yourself. Gather your confidence, consider if you know the answer or have the information they need, and be clear, succinct, and kind when you speak. [4]
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Section 6 of 6:

Final Thoughts

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  1. It occurs when someone over-explains or elaborates in response to someone else; they offer much more information than the other person needs. Like “mansplaining” is usually attributed to men, “shelaborating” is thought to belong to women. Many believe “shelaborating” happens because women are looking to connect to the person they’re speaking to or they want them to feel comfortable. Others don’t appreciate “shelaborating,” since it can make a conversation feel unbalanced. If you choose to “shelaborate,” make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons whenever possible.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/ambigamy/202105/the-trap-over-accommodating-others
      2. ↑ https://youtu.be/YGQXuA0yKYE?si=0qMRBqsP0ZWKhBLq&t=208
      3. ↑ https://youtu.be/YGQXuA0yKYE?si=OA1TlQTClUiec_RB&t=228
      4. ↑ https://youtu.be/YGQXuA0yKYE?si=oIp4LEK7H6d5xMz4&t=250

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