How to Know If You Should Call Him

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Simple answers to dating's toughest question
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To call him, to call him not—a tale as old as the telephone itself. We’ve been there before, staring at our cell phone screens with his contact pulled up. Usually, all it takes is a second opinion to get some clarity on the situation. That’s why we talked to relationship and dating experts to help you answer the age-old question: Should I call him?

This article is based on an interview with our licensed psychologist, Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

  • Give him a call if you’re waiting for someone to make the first move, or after a good date that left you wanting more.
  • Call him if you think he’s shy or too timid to reach out, or if you have something in mind that you want to say, like a casual question.
  • Don’t call him if he’s your ex, if he said he’d call you, or if he’s not responding to your last texts or calls.
Section 1 of 2:

When You Should Call Him

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    Look, it’s the 21st century. You don’t have to wait around for the guy to show interest first. Dating coach John Keegan says, “A woman can break the ice anytime, anywhere with any guy. And for most men, it would be a great relief, because most men don't do it.”
    • If you’re nervous, make the first move with a text instead of a call, to ease some pressure.
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    If he’s the one who slipped you his number, rather than the other way around, then the ball’s in your court. He has no way to contact you, so shoot your shot. Just be sure to give him your number before you hang up.
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    If you’re excited to talk to him again, why wait? Following up after a date , even with a simple, “Hey, you make it home alright?” shows him that you’re interested and that you care, which he’ll appreciate.
    • This also makes a super casual and friendly text, if you don’t want to follow up with a call so soon.
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    Some guys are just bashful, or need a little encouragement. As dating coach John Keegan tells us, we all have a “fear of being rejected… we hate that feeling of feeling weird,” and it’s more acute for some. It could be that all he needs is the green light to open up.
    • When talking to a shy guy , take it slow and keep your interactions brief at first, gradually chatting for longer and longer periods.
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    You saw something that reminded you of a conversation you had with him, or you have a particular question you’d like to ask. Call him! He’ll be glad you thought of him, and it’s a natural, harmless way to connect to someone.
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    Guys often like a chase, but don’t make him run in circles for you. Mutual effort is a must in any budding relationship. If he’s always the one to call, return the favor every now and then.
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    Sometimes you’re not even sure he likes you, but if you don’t find out, it feels like the uncertainty will kill you. Go ahead and give him a ring, just to test the water.
    • Remember, if you call him and it doesn’t work out, at least you can say you tried. Otherwise, you’ll always wonder what might’ve happened…
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    Short of a full breakup, it’s not too late to repair your relationship. Extending that olive branch and apologizing first shows him that you do care, and that you want to make things work. [1]
    • That said, he may need some space. You might drop a text telling you love him, then call him later when you’ve both cooled your heads.
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    Love is a funny, fickle thing, and often, it’s best to fall back on instinct. If your heart is reaching for that phone, then why not follow your intuition ? The worst that could happen is you learn a little about yourself and move on, better for it.
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Section 2 of 2:

When You Shouldn’t Call Him

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    It might not be the answer you want to hear, but you broke up for a reason. That reason might seem silly now, but it’ll come rushing back sooner or later if you find yourself by his side again. Take it from us: never call your ex.
    • Relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz adds, “ Block em’ on Instagram ; block them on Facebook… If you're not with that person, you just weren't a good match. The sooner you can move on and find your person, the happier you’ll be.”
    • Stop thinking about your ex by hitting up a friend instead, or taking yourself to a movie, or even hopping on the dating apps.
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    Take his word for it. And if he ends up not calling you, don’t write him off just yet; he might just be busy or preoccupied, it happens. We say wait a day or two, and if he doesn’t reach out, then go ahead and make that call.
    • That said, take note of how much effort he puts into reaching out. If you’re constantly the one initiating conversation, it might be a one-sided dynamic, and time to look elsewhere for the effort you deserve.
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    We know, it’s so tempting—whether you’re calling just for fun or to confess some big emotions. [2] But trust us, those emotions are better professed sober, when you know you really mean it and it’s not just the booze talking.
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    On some dates, you pay more attention to your watch, or the exit, than the guy in front of you. If that's the case, let him go. You’ll know if you want to see the guy again, no question. Otherwise, a second date probably won’t convince you otherwise.
    • A little awkwardness is normal, so feel free to call if you think the date wasn’t a total disaster and you still find that you’re interested.
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    Relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz says, “Everyone has a different comfort level with how connected they want to be.” Many people may need a bit of space in those early stages.

    If you want to feel less clingy , keep your calls to one a day, or one every couple days, which is a comfy amount of talking for most.
    • Of course, if it’s the norm in your relationship to call each other multiple times a day, don’t sweat it! Do what feels natural and good.
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    A call is much more personal and intimate, and is a great shortcut for personal connections. But other times, like when you just need to confirm an address or when you know he’s busy, dropping a text will do just fine.
    • That said, a call or a voicemail adds a personal touch to even simple questions. If you’re really trying to charm him, opt for the call.
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    Chances are, they might be ghosting you. Relationship psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz weighs in: “They’re just basically saying, ‘I’m not interested,’ and they didn’t have the guts to say it to your face.”
    • Don’t let it stop you from finding your one. This guy was just a little mackerel in a whole sea of bigger and better fish.
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    He’s always late, or doesn’t always respond in a reasonable time frame, or worse, he tends to flake. A guy who doesn’t respect your time and energy isn’t worth yours.

    And if he’s leading you on—playing hot and cold, flirting with other people, going AWOL— beat him at his own mind games by losing his number.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about dating, check out our in-depth interview with Sarah Schewitz, PsyD .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200207/the-power-apology
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/adventures-in-dating/201402/why-do-people-drunk-dial-0

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