Your guide to popping the question at a restaurant like a pro
Ah, the age-old debacle…should you propose before or after dinner? Proposing can be intimidating, but lucky for you, we’ve got you covered with all the pros and cons you need to decide whether you want to propose before or after dinner. Plus, we’ll provide you with some insider-approved tips that’ll make the ordeal go over with ease. Sit back, read up, and get excited—it’s time to put a ring on it!
Things You Should Know
- Proposing before dinner allows you to celebrate throughout your meal and get your nerves out of the way first thing.
- Proposing after dinner means that you can savor your meal and build up to the moment by discussing happy memories with your partner throughout the evening.
- Whether you propose before or after dinner, coordinate with the restaurant staff at least 1 week in advance so they have time to ensure you get engagement-worthy service.
Steps
Section 1 of 4:
Proposing before Dinner: Pros & Cons
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Pro: You get to celebrate the good news throughout the meal. Who wouldn’t want to enjoy a celebratory meal after a big accomplishment? Sit back, relax, and make merry! You might discuss exciting plans for your new future together throughout your meal, basking in the indulgences of good food and lasting love. [1] X Research source
- If you’re worried about forgetting what to say as you propose, consider writing a speech to pull out in times of crisis. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t memorized your speech—it’s a declaration of love, not a spelling bee.
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Con: The whole restaurant will be in your business. If you or your partner are super lowkey and aren’t into public gestures, it might become a bit overwhelming if you sit down and immediately propose. Since people already sitting down to their meal tend to gawk at the new people coming in and being seated, you might open yourself up to more fanfare than you’d prefer. [2] X Research source
- If you’re set on proposing before dinner but aren’t looking forward to public acknowledgment of the good news, know that it will pass quickly and that people are just trying to be polite. You might be so happy you won't even notice.
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Pro: You’ll get it over with sooner. Popping the question is nerve-wracking, so waiting to propose until after dinner might truly test your nerves. Proposing before dinner means you can get the big question out of the way and get to celebrating instead of being in your head, anticipating what’s about to happen next. [3] X Research source
- Regardless of when you decide to pop the question, try repeating some affirmations in your head before you go for it. You might think, “I am worthy of love no matter what happens,” or “I am capable of being vulnerable and enjoy expressing my love.”
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Con: If they say no, it might get awkward. Proposing before dinner could get uncomfortable if you get an answer you weren’t expecting. Even if they say they need time to think things over instead of an outright no, you’ll likely be less than thrilled to sit through a meal together. [4] X Research source
- If they say no, it just means it wasn’t meant to be. What’s meant for you will never miss you.
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Pro: You can invite friends and family. How do you make a good moment great? By including loved ones, of course! When we look back on our fondest memories, the majority of them were likely spent with friends and family. Inviting those closest to you to your pre-dinner proposal is an excellent way to enhance a magical moment even further. [5] X Research source
- Inviting your partner’s closest loved ones to your pre-dinner proposal could help them feel safe and secure and allow them to share in their joy as the magic moment happens.
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Con: Involving friends and family might make things difficult. Anyone who’s ever tried to plan a family event knows how challenging it can be to get everyone to agree on a date. When you’re already under a lot of pressure, it might be too stressful to coordinate not only your loved ones but your partner’s loved ones as well—plus, someone might spill the beans prematurely. [6] X Research source
- While getting loved ones together is difficult, they’re more likely to rally around you than ever—who’d want to miss such a special moment?
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Section 2 of 4:
Proposing after Dinner: Pros & Cons
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Pro: You can savor your meal and build up to the moment. Instead of jumping right into things, why not take your time and enjoy a delicious dinner together? Reminisce on old memories, happy moments, and why you fell in love. Then at the end of dinner, you’ll have set the scene for the perfect proposal. [7] X Research source
- To get the conversation going, ask your partner questions like, “What’s your favorite memory of us?” or “Do you remember the day we met?”
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Con: Nerves might affect your ability to enjoy your dinner. We’ve all been there—something’s making you nervous, and suddenly you can’t eat a bite. You should enjoy your proposal dinner, so if you feel like you’ll spend the whole night worrying and pushing food around your plate, it might be better to get it over with as soon as you sit down. [8] X Research source
- Being nervous on the day of your proposal is inevitable. Take a moment before the big night to meditate; this will help calm your nerves and affirm your intentions.
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Pro: Your celebration will be more intimate. If you and/or your partner tend to lean introverted and don’t like a lot of attention, an after-dinner proposal is just the thing. Instead of drawing attention to yourself right off the bat, proposing at the end of dinner might help you to blend in, as you’ve already been seated for some time and other restaurant goers won’t be paying much attention to you. [9] X Research source
- To keep things extra subtle, you could even pretend you dropped your napkin when you’re actually getting down on 1 knee. This theatrical stunt might help you to blend in and give your partner quite the surprise!
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Con: Ending your meal might feel abrupt. If you don’t have anything planned for after your proposal, it might feel a little awkward coming up with an idea of what to do next on the fly, especially if you and your partner don’t live together. Instead, consider proposing during dessert, so you still have another dish to sit and be merry over. [10] X Research source
- To make things easier on yourself, plan an after-party for when you leave your proposal dinner, or do something simple like have a nice bottle of wine ready at home.
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Pro: You can leave immediately if you get an unexpected no. Getting a no is obviously a less-than-desirable outcome, so if you propose after dinner (especially if you’ve already paid), you can skedaddle as quickly as possible. No one wants to sit through an entire dinner after getting rejected. [11] X Research source
- Call the restaurant beforehand and give them your card information so you don’t have to worry about payment. That way, whenever you propose and whatever they respond, you can get out of there lickety-split if need be.
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Con: You’ll be trapped if you drove together. Ok, you left the restaurant fast, but now you have to drive home together…awkward. While this could be a good opportunity to discuss your partner's reservations about getting engaged, it could also be extremely painful. As a backup plan, have your partner meet you at the restaurant so you both have alternate means of transportation. [12] X Research source
- Having your partner meet you at the restaurant might throw them off the scent of a proposal, as it’d be more expected for you to travel there together. It’s a win-win!
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References
- ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-propose-at-a-restaurant
- ↑ https://nextluxury.com/mens-lifestyle-advice/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner/
- ↑ https://modernweddings.com/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner/
- ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-propose-at-a-restaurant
- ↑ https://nextluxury.com/mens-lifestyle-advice/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner/
- ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/proposal-advice
- ↑ https://nextluxury.com/mens-lifestyle-advice/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner/
- ↑ https://parade.com/living/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner
- ↑ https://www.happierhuman.com/propose-dinner/
- ↑ https://www.happierhuman.com/propose-dinner/
- ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-propose-at-a-restaurant
- ↑ https://modernweddings.com/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner/
- ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-propose-at-a-restaurant
- ↑ https://nextluxury.com/mens-lifestyle-advice/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner/
- ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-propose-at-a-restaurant
- ↑ https://parade.com/living/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner
- ↑ https://modernweddings.com/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner/
- ↑ https://www.happierhuman.com/propose-dinner/
- ↑ https://modernweddings.com/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner/
- ↑ https://parade.com/living/should-i-propose-before-or-after-dinner
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