This article was co-authored by Lauren Sanders
and by wikiHow staff writer, Raven Minyard, BA
. Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.
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Everyone has a different opinion on whether it’s appropriate to kiss on the first date, and there’s no right or wrong answer. Kissing can help you figure out if you have chemistry with your date, but sometimes it’s better to take things slow if you’re not sure of your date’s intentions. In this article, we’ve gathered all the best reasons for and against kissing on the first date, how to approach the kiss, and what it might mean for your relationship. Plus, 3 relationship experts weigh in on whether kissing on the first date is a good idea.
Is It Okay to Kiss on the First Date?
It depends on your personal preferences and how you feel in the moment. If you feel a connection, want to pursue a relationship, and enjoy kissing, go for it. If you don’t feel a spark, prefer to take things slow, or your date doesn’t seem interested, it might be better to wait. Either way, communication and consent are key.
Steps
Reasons to Kiss on the First Date
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1You want to see if there’s chemistry. Sometimes, you may have difficulty figuring out if you’re attracted to your date romantically or if you just like them as a person. By kissing them, you can decide if you have physical chemistry and if it’s worth pursuing a romantic relationship or deciding to stay friends instead. [1] X Research source
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2The date went well. You may decide to kiss your date because you had a good time and want to see them again. Kissing them is a direct way of letting them know you’re attracted to them , so you don’t have to beat around the bush about wanting to see them again. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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3You want to move out of the friend zone. If you’ve been friends with your date for a while, kissing them can let them know you’re interested in a romantic relationship with them. It proves you’re attracted to them and you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level. [3] X Research source
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4You’re enjoying kissing. If you like the act of kissing and you’re physically attracted to your date, why not go for it? Kissing can relieve stress and boost your mood. Just make sure you and your date are on the same page so you don’t lead them on. [4] X Research source
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5You want to get more physical. Some people may want to take things to the next level by making out or even hooking up after the first date. If you want to do so, kissing your date is the first step to initiating that. As long as you both consent, do whatever feels natural. [5] X Research source
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6You want to make sure your date respects you. While some may enjoy hooking up after the first date, it’s okay to want to take things slow , too. If you kiss your date but don’t want to go any further, you can see if they’ll respect your decision or try to pressure you to keep going. This way, you can spot any potential red flags before agreeing to a second date. [6] X Research source
Reasons Not to Kiss on the First Date
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1You don’t feel a spark. Not every first date leads to a relationship, and that’s okay. If you can’t see the relationship going any further, don’t try to force it. Simply let your date know you had a good time and if they try to kiss you, politely tell them you’re not interested . [7] X Research source
- If you decide you want to just be friends, relationship expert Lauren Sanders says to be upfront about your intention. “First, offer a positive comment about your connection with them. The next step is to be 100% transparent about not wanting a relationship with them,” she says. “Reassure them that they are not to blame and they didn't necessarily do anything wrong. It's simply a matter of a lack of chemistry and connection present.”
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2You want to leave them wanting more. Even if you and your date have chemistry, you don’t have to kiss them. If you can tell they’re super into you, not kissing them might make them think of you even more after the date. Keep them on their toes so they can’t wait to see you again . [8] X Research source
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3You’re not sure if they want a second date. Sometimes, you think a date is going well, but your date doesn’t feel the same way. Pay attention to their body language before deciding if you should kiss them. If they cross their arms or feel closed off, they may not be as into it as you are. There’s usually no point in kissing them if it will probably be the last time you see them. [9] X Research source
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4You suspect they just want to hook up. If you’re not into hookups and you’re getting the vibe that’s all your date wants, it’s probably not a good idea to kiss them. Because kissing is often a precursor to sex, they may get the idea you also want to hook up, which could lead to some awkward miscommunication. Plus, you might feel like you’re wasting your time if you kiss them and know you’re looking for a relationship. [10] X Research source
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5You’re overthinking it. If you spend the whole date anxiously wondering whether they plan to kiss you, it’s probably a good sign you shouldn’t do it. You want your first kiss to feel exciting and natural, so if you’re overthinking to the point you can’t enjoy yourself, you might want to wait and see how you feel after a second date. [11] X Research source
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6You don’t feel like you know them well enough. With the rise of dating apps, you may find yourself on a date with someone you’ve never met before. It usually takes more than one date and a few text exchanges to feel comfortable with someone , so it’s perfectly natural to not want to kiss them. [12] X Research source
- Relationship expert Maya Diamond says, “Only kiss if you genuinely want to kiss the person. If they try to kiss you, say, ‘I would love to, but I'm not ready for that yet’. Delay it to the second, third, or fourth date, or whenever you feel comfortable. Pay attention to what your true genuine desire is.”
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7You simply don’t feel like it. Sometimes, everything can go right on a date, but you just don’t feel like kissing them. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re comfortable, you can opt for a hug instead, or you can wait to see how you feel when you see them again. Take things at your own pace. [13] X Research source
How to Kiss on the First Date
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1Read your date’s body language. Throughout the date, pay attention to the way your date moves and interacts with you. If they’re laughing, touching you, and making eye contact, they’re probably into you. If they put distance between you, cross their legs or arms, and look around the room constantly, they might not be enjoying the date that much. Use these factors to help decide if you should go in for the kiss . [14] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Relationship expert John Keegan suggests holding your date’s hand to see how they react. He says, “Just take their hand and hold it. That's a direct point where you’re saying, ‘Hey, I'm interested in holding your hand because I may be interested in dating you.’ See how they respond. If they leave their hand in for a moment or two, then that's a good sign that they’re moving in that direction with you.”
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2Choose the right time and place. It’s probably not a good idea to try to kiss your date in the middle of dinner at a crowded restaurant. It’s much better to wait till the end of the date when you can go somewhere a bit more private, like when you’re walking them to their car or their front door. This allows you to both feel more relaxed and you have the benefit of knowing if the whole date went well. [15] X Research source
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3Ask them if you can kiss them. Consent is key. Plus, the easiest way to know if your date wants you to kiss them is by asking them . Your answer should be an enthusiastic yes. If your date seems hesitant, ask if they’d prefer a hug instead or wait for the next date to initiate physical contact. [16] X Research source
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4Consider what type of kiss you want. A kiss on a first date doesn’t have to be a full-blown makeout session—though it can be if that’s what you two want. Many people prefer a quick, simple kiss on the lips, but if you’re feeling a bit nervous, you might go for a kiss on the cheek instead. It’s all about what you and your date feel most comfortable with. [17] X Research source
What a Kiss on the First Date Means
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In many cases, it means your date wants to pursue a relationship. Kissing is a sign of physical attraction and often builds an emotional connection with a potential partner. [18] X Research source Kissing on the first date usually means you and your date are interested in seeing where things go. However, sometimes a person just enjoys kissing or hopes it will lead to a hookup. This is why it’s so important to be upfront about what you’re looking for.
- Relationship expert Lauren Sanders believes a kiss means your date wants to continue the relationship. She says, “If they feel comfortable enough to exchange saliva, get in your personal space, and allow you to get in their personal space, as well, they definitely can see a potential future with you.” She does add that some people are just “touchy-feely” and that their love language could be physical touch.
Expert Q&A
Video
Tips
- Everyone moves at a different pace, and it’s okay to kiss or not to kiss on the first date. Never judge someone for what they feel comfortable with.Thanks
- Make sure you practice good hygiene before your date. Take a shower, brush your teeth, and wear deodorant. Your date won’t want to kiss someone with bad hygiene!Thanks
Warnings
- Remember, no means no. If your date doesn’t want to kiss you, don’t try to force or persuade them. Always respect their boundaries.Thanks
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Expert Interview
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Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships and dating, check out our in-depth interview with Lauren Sanders .
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-minds/202309/a-perfect-kiss-the-truth-behind-this-loving-and-sexy-signal
- ↑ https://beyondages.com/should-you-kiss-on-a-first-date/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-do-we-kiss#recap
- ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/kissing-and-your-health
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-do-we-kiss#purpose
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-to-respect-other-peoples-boundaries#tips-to-consider
- ↑ https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/first-date-tips/first-date-kiss/
- ↑ https://hellobetty.co/should-you-kiss-him-on-the-first-date/
- ↑ https://beyondages.com/should-you-kiss-on-a-first-date/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/why-we-kiss-and-how-do-it-right
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/201908/not-feeling-initial-spark-the-first-date
- ↑ https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/first-date-tips/first-date-kiss/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/201908/not-feeling-initial-spark-the-first-date
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
- ↑ https://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/32_dating_advice.html
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent/how-do-i-talk-about-consent
- ↑ https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/first-date-tips/first-date-kiss/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-do-we-kiss#purpose