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Take care of your partner and let her know that you love her
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You know that you care about your girlfriend, but you worry that you're not doing a great job showing it. Maybe she's starting to seem a little bored. Here are some steps you can take to add the spice back into your relationship and show her that she's the most important thing in the world to you whether you've been together for weeks, four month or four years.
This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- Say it! Telling her outright that you care for her is the most surefire and direct way to let her know that you value your relationship.
- Ask her questions about herself, like how her day went, and listen intently to the answer. Ask follow-up questions about what she said to show her you're interested.
- Surprise her with gifts like flowers, sweets, love notes, or a date night to give her tangible tokens of your affection.
Steps
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Be direct. Don't assume your girlfriend knows how you feel about her. Be sure to tell her exactly how you feel. Ambiguity leads to uncertainty, and that can put a strain on your relationship.
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Ask her how her day has been. You are her confidant, so be sure to listen to everything she has to say. Help her unwind by talking through any problems she has. Empathize with her, share her highs and lows. This will help bond you together.Advertisement
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Listen. The importance of listening in a relationship cannot be stressed enough. [1] X Research source
- Even if what she is saying is boring to you, pay attention because it isn't boring to her.
- Learn to listen "between the lines" and infer what you can do to help her.
- Listening shows that you are invested in her life, and will build her trust.
- Beyond just listening, react to what she says. Become involved in the conversation, but don't take it over. Do not try to solve all her problems, since she probably just wants to feel heard.
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Pay her a simple compliment. Always be sincere, because it will be obvious when you're not being truthful.
- Let her know that she's especially vibrant today.
- When she changes her hairstyle, praise the new look.
- Compliment her on something that she did in class/at work.
- Make a positive comment about the clothes she is wearing.
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Trust her. If you don't trust your girlfriend, she's not going to trust you back. Every good relationship is based on a solid foundation of trust. [2] X Research source
- If she's going out with friends, don't call or text her every twenty minutes. Allow her to have fun without you.
- Avoid jealousy. Let her talk to other guys without your jumping in the conversation and getting defensive. Just because you are dating doesn't mean she can only talk to you.
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Be respectful. Always treat her with the utmost respect, even when you're fighting.
- Be respectful to her even when she's not around. Don't trash talk her behind her back.
- Bring up any concerns directly with her. Don't stew on issues you have, be upfront and direct.
- Respect her intelligence. Don't assume that she needs help with everything.
- Don't shoot down all her ideas. A relationship is an equal partnership.
- Never resort to name-calling or physical abuse.
EXPERT TIPMarriage & Family TherapistMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Don't forget to respect the demands of your girlfriend's schedule. Try to be flexible with your calendar, and plan dates in advance to connect. Being understanding while still making sure you both prioritize the relationship will help you maintain a strong connection.
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Write her a love note. A written note shows her that you care enough to share your feelings with her. Make sure it is handwritten; don't type and print a note! Here are some starters:
- "I've been thinking about you all day..."
- "I wish I could be there with you, but this note will have to do..."
- "I can't wait until I see you next..."
- Place the note where it will have the most impact. Ideally, finding the note should be a surprise. For example, if you know she has to read certain pages of a book for school, place it between those pages. If you are sleeping together, write a note on the bathroom mirror with soap, or place a love note on her nightstand.
Gain ideas to demonstrate affection.
"My girlfriend wanted me to find creative ways to show her I care. Unsure where to start, I turned to this article for tips. The thoughtful gestures like love notes, sweet treats, and getting to know her loved ones gave me so many great ideas to prove to her she's a priority. Putting these simple but meaningful steps into action has brought us closer."
- Mohamed M.
Equip a partner with relationship tools.
"When my boyfriend was struggling to open up emotionally, I could tell he wanted to make me feel special but didn't know how. Finding this guide full of practical, actionable advice on listening, trusting, respecting, and surprising your partner gave him the blueprint he needed. Already, I see him applying these techniques that foster intimacy. I feel hopeful for our future!"
- Amy Y.
Make her heart happy.
"I used to assume grand romantic gestures were necessary to show affection. But this article revealed how consistency in small acts of thoughtfulness and care means more. After practicing steps like asking about her day, tuck-in calls, and handwritten notes, I saw her spirits lift and joy return. Simple habits that uplift her mood make her feel cherished."
- Zacharie J.
Go above and beyond expectations.
"All healthy relationships require mutual effort, but too often, partners get complacent. This piece reminded me that we should strive to outdo each other in caring, not compete or keep score. Planning surprise adventures, making homecooked meals just because, introducing each other to friends — going the extra mile reaps huge rewards of fulfillment and fun. I'm inspired to step up!"
- Nathan T.
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Don't ever forget to say that you love her because she will never forget the moment you explained your love to her.
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Get in touch with her before bed. Call or text her when she's getting ready to go to sleep. This is known as the "tuck in call," and it is a very powerful way to show her you care.
- The tuck in call lets her know that she's on your mind.
- You will be the last thing she thinks about before falling asleep.
- It gives her someone to talk with about any of the problems she may have had that day, which will help her sleep better.
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Surprise her with a sweet treat.
- Chocolates range from the cheap to the quite expensive. You don't have to spend an arm and a leg, but avoid just giving her a bar from the candy aisle. Look for boutique chocolates and remember that a little goes a long way.
- Imported candies are a fancy way to show that you care about her, and can be exciting to try. They're not terribly expensive either.
- Bake her some cookies. This shows thoughtfulness as well as adeptness in the kitchen.
- If she doesn't like sweets, surprise her with her favorite snack.
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Give her flowers. This is one of the most traditional ways to show affection, and is very effective. They are bright and cheery, and the freshness is a vitalizing gift. Flowers can get expensive, however, so save them for truly special occasions. [3] X Research source
- Most supermarkets have bouquets available for less than $20.
- If you know your girlfriend's favorite colors or flowers, talk to a florist and have them help you design a bouquet.
- If you have access to wildflowers, pick and make her one yourself. Just be sure that you don't cut someone's private flowers.
- If your girlfriend is having a bad day at the office, have some flowers delivered. This can be expensive, but it shows you care and she can show off to her coworkers.
- A single flower can be just as good as a whole bouquet. It's the gesture of giving that is the most important.
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Give a simple gift. A surprise gift can spice up a normally dull day and really let her know that you're thinking of her. Some suggestions:
- Love coupons. Give her a set of coupons that she can redeem to get you to do things for her. For example, romantic dinners, movie night, hugs and kisses on demand, etc.
- An accessory. Clothes can be expensive, but a nice accessory can make a great gift and not break the bank. Look for hats, scarves, or handbags.
- A bottle of wine and a pair of wineglasses.
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Show affection when she least expects it. Catch her off guard and you'll make a much more lasting impact. [4] X Research source
- Sneak up on her while she's working and give her a quick kiss.
- Give her an extra hug before she heads off to work or school.
- Pull her in closer while walking together on a cold day.
- Take her hand while walking out in public.
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Get to know her friends and family. Do everything in your power to get along and be friendly with these people. They are an important part of your girlfriend's life, and you should demonstrate that you respect that. This will let your girlfriend know that you are serious when it comes to your relationship.
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Plan a treasure hunt. This can be a fun way to spend an afternoon, and the thought and planning that goes into it will show her that you really care.
- First, come up with the treasure. This can be almost anything, from a piece of jewelry to a nice dinner out, or something more personal.
- Plan the hunt. Decide how long you want the hunt to be, and where you want it to take place. Common stops for romantic hunts include "the first place we met," or "our first dinner together."
- Write the notes. Place the first one where you know she'll find it. Write something like "I have a little game for you to play, you can find the next note at [first clue]."
- Don't make the hunt too difficult, this is supposed to be fun!
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Cook her a meal. Not only does this make for a good date, it shows that you know your way around the kitchen. Don't worry too much about messing up, the thought matters much more than the execution.
- Plan your meal. Find some simple recipes that don't have too many steps. Try to time your preparations so that all the items are ready at the same time.
- Make sure the meal is balanced. Include a vegetable side, and don't serve huge portions.
- Pasta is usually a safe choice, as it is fairly easy to cook and most people will enjoy it.
- The dining area should be cleaned before dinner. Light a candle or two and make sure that all the dinnerware is placed correctly.
- If you're old enough, serve dinner with a modest bottle of wine.
Ina Garten, Television Personality & CookCooking is an act of love. "Cooking is one of the great gifts you can give to those you love. It says “you’re important enough to me to spend the time and effort to cook for you."
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Make her a Mix CD/Playlist.
- The concept of the Mix CD goes way back to the days of Mix Tapes. Basically, you want to collect songs that you feel she will enjoy, as well as songs that show how you feel about her. Memory is heavily influenced by music, and a good Mix CD will be remembered for a long time. [5] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Create the track list. You want her to be able to listen to the whole thing without getting bored or skipping tracks. Make sure that the first song grabs her attention, and that the subsequent songs flow well.
- Most music software will let you burn CD's. Check here for specific instructions on how to burn the CD
- If she uses a service like iTunes or Spotify, you can create a digital playlist and share it with her. This will allow you to make a playlist longer than a CD allows, but the lack of a tangible item can make the gift seem a little less special.
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Plan a picnic. Similar to cooking her a meal, planning a picnic shows that you care about her and that you think ahead.
- Make sure the weather is good. Forecasts change all the time, so be ready to change plans if the day before it starts pouring down rain.
- Prepare a light lunch. A picnic should be a light and airy affair, and the food should reflect that. Make sandwiches, slice up some fruit, and pack a bag of light chips. For drinks, brew some ice tea.
- Take the picnic somewhere fun. Depending on your location, find a place that boasts a lot of natural beauty. Riversides, beaches, and meadows all make good picnic locations. Scout the place out ahead of time and look for secluded locations.
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QuestionHow do you express how much you love your girlfriend?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Do your best to keep the relationship fresh and alive. There's so much stuff to do in the world, so you must not get lazy. If the relationship isn't fresh, she'll start longing for something different. Show your appreciation and keep flirting, always!
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-you-and-me/201706/why-and-how-be-better-listener-in-your-relationship
- ↑ https://www.sutterhealth.org/pamf/health/teens/relationships-social-skills/trust
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/147470490500300109
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joyful-parenting/201512/20-ways-surprise-your-partner
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2776393/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you’re a guy who wants to show your girlfriend how much you care, tell her how important she is to you, which she will really appreciate. For example, say something like, "I just want you to know how important you are to me. I don't know what I'd do without you." You can also ask her about her day and encourage her to talk about her problems, which will also bring you closer together. When she's not around, write her a cute love note and leave it for her to find, which shows that you think about her when you're alone. If you want to make a romantic gesture, surprise her by cooking her favorite meal and having it ready when she gets in. For more tips, including how to show your girlfriend you care by making an effort with her friends and family, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "All healthy relationships require mutual effort, but too often, partners get complacent. This piece reminded me that we should strive to outdo each other in caring, not compete or keep score. Planning surprise adventures, making homecooked meals just because, introducing each other to friends — going the extra mile reaps huge rewards of fulfillment and fun. I'm inspired to step up!" ..." more
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"All healthy relationships require mutual effort, but too often, partners get complacent. This piece reminded me that we should strive to outdo each other in caring, not compete or keep score. Planning surprise adventures, making homecooked meals just because, introducing each other to friends — going the extra mile reaps huge rewards of fulfillment and fun. I'm inspired to step up!"
..."
more
"When my boyfriend was struggling to open up emotionally, I could tell he wanted to make me feel special but didn't know how. Finding this guide full of practical, actionable advice on listening, trusting, respecting, and surprising your partner gave him the blueprint he needed. Already, I see him applying these techniques that foster intimacy. I feel hopeful for our future!"
..."
more
"I used to assume grand romantic gestures were necessary to show affection. But this article revealed how consistency in small acts of thoughtfulness and care means more. After practicing steps like asking about her day, tuck-in calls, and handwritten notes, I saw her spirits lift and joy return. Simple habits that uplift her mood make her feel cherished."
..."
more
"My girlfriend wanted me to find creative ways to show her I care. Unsure where to start, I turned to this article for tips. The thoughtful gestures like love notes, sweet treats, and getting to know her loved ones gave me so many great ideas to prove to her she's a priority. Putting these simple but meaningful steps into action has brought us closer."
..."
more
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