How to Show an Ex You Care

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

After a breakup it can hard to know how to deal with your ex in social situations. Even though you are no longer together, that doesn't mean that you will have necessarily stopped caring for your ex. You can show him that you care for him and want him to be happy without giving the wrong impression. Just being friendly and available to talk can help, but if you don't want to get back together you need to be careful that he understands that.

Method 1
Method 1 of 2:

Actions and Gestures

PDF download Download Article
  1. You might not want him to be your boyfriend, but you probably still care about his happiness. It can be very difficult know how to react when you see your ex around. Maybe you are in classes together or are members of the same sports club. If you do see your ex around quite often and you want to maintain some cordial relations with him and show him that you do care, don't blank or ignore him.
    • If you never speak, it is likely that any festering resentment between you will continue to grow.
    • Just making an effort to acknowledge each other and smile when you see each other can demonstrate that you want to be friends. [1]
    • It can be very difficult to build a friendship with an ex so remain patient and don't expect to develop a good friendship quickly.
  2. It can be very awkward when you find yourself in a social situation with your ex and neither or you know quite how to approach it, or react to each other. Avoid any long silences by making neutral small talk about everyday things that are nothing to do with your relationship. If you can get used to just talking about normal things you can try to develop a platonic friendship.
    • Keeping conversation friendly but brief can help ease you both into the new relationship dynamic.
    • You could say, "Hey, did you see the game last night?"
    • You could ask about mutual friends or work.
    Advertisement
  3. Being generally helpful and attentive will help you to indicate to your ex that you do still care about him. Small gestures can be a good way to show your ex that you still think of him. For example, if your ex used to love eating a particular candy bar and you find you have one left over from lunch, pass it on to him and just say "I had this left over, and thought you might want it".
    • If you just want to show your ex that you still care, not that you want to get back together make sure these gestures do not give the wrong impression. [2]
    • When you speak to him keep your tone friendly and polite but fairly neutral and unemotional.
    • If he is still pining after you, a misjudged gesture could make things worse so use your judgement.
  4. One way to show that you are not avoiding your ex, you are still keen to be friends, and still care about him is to do social activities as part of a larger group of friends. Having more people there will take the pressure off and dilute the situation. You will also have people there for moral support if things become awkward. [3]
    • Your ex is probably less likely to make a scene or misinterpret your actions if you are in a group of friends.
    • If you don't want to get back together be sure you avoid anything that could be perceived as a group date.
    • For example, don't go to the cinema with a couple or you risk giving your ex the wrong idea.
  5. Although you might want to show your ex that you still care about him and would like to be friends, you need to understand that he might not feel the same way. A breakup can be very upsetting and how people deal with it varies enormously. If he doesn't want to talk to you, or see you at all, you should respect that and allow him time to get over you.
    • If your ex is hurting from your breakup, time apart can be the best way to heal. [4]
    • If you are polite and respectful, but he does not want to talk to you, you can't force him.
    • Tell him in a sincere way that you are there for him if he ever needs to talk, and be sure to listen more than you talk.
    6. Advertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 2:

What To Avoid

PDF download Download Article
  1. While you are just trying to show your ex that you still care about him, there is a chance that he might interpret your friendliness as a sign that you want to get back together. You should be wary of this, treat the situation with tact, but be clear about where you draw the line. If he asks you to help him with something, or to do something together, don't feel obliged to say yes if you are uncomfortable.
    • Be clear in your response, but show that you understand his feelings. You could say something like "I still care about you, but we're not together any more and I can't do that for you". [5]
    • Explain yourself by saying things like, "I know this is difficult", "I know this is an awkward situation".
    • Talking like this while affirming your position will show that you are acknowledging and validating his feelings.
  2. You may still miss each other. It's natural to feel this way, but don't let your emotions take over. When you let your emotions take over, you may find yourself saying or doing things that you will regret and will only make things harder in the long-run. Think about the happy moments that you've had with each other, but realise that they are in the past.
    • Respecting each other means respecting the decision you made to break up.
    • It can often take a long time for people who were in a relationship to become friends again.
    • It's normal to feel sorry for yourself and have doubts after a break up, but remember that you broke up for a reason. [6]
  3. While you might be making a big effort to be kind and friendly to your ex so he can get over you and be happy, it's important that you don't neglect yourself. Start thinking about the future and looking forward rather than back. Take some time off to set some realistic goals and give yourself the right amount of time to start accomplishing them. Visit some of your closest friends or family member and discuss your future plans with them.
    • Don't forget to try and have fun with friends too. Your don't have to stop everything in order to avoid upsetting your ex. Just be sensitive and considerate.
    • If you keep thinking of the past you might find it harder to take the new opportunities that arise.
    4. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    What do you do when your ex keeps calling you?
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Set clear boundaries. Say something like "We don't have that kind of relationship anymore. I'm no longer your confidant or support system."
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 2
  • Question
    Is it healthy to keep in touch with an ex?
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    It's okay to have friendly interactions, such as wishing each other a happy birthday, but be sure to draw the line and establish boundaries.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 9 Helpful 1
  • Question
    How do I set boundaries with my ex?
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Come right out and say where you need your boundaries so they know where the relationship stands.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 7 Helpful 1
See more answers
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      • It's okay to tell people that you still care for that person, but only as a friend. Honesty is the best policy.
        Thanks
        Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
      • Tell your ex that you are happy to have had a relationship with him, and let him know through your actions that you don't regret it even if it is over.
        Thanks
        Helpful 1 Not Helpful 1
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Tell if Your Ex Still Cares
      How to
      Get Your Ex Back Fast by Text Message
      How Long Before Your Ex Misses You? Signs and Triggers
      How to
      Get Your Ex Back
      How to
      Get a Fearful Avoidant Back
      16 Ways to Tell If Your Ex Still Likes You (Even If They Say They Don’t)
      How to
      Get Your Ex Back Quickly
      How to
      Use the No Contact Rule
      How to
      Win Him Back & Get Him Interested Again: 14 Expert Tips
      The Best Ways to Make a Man Regret Leaving You
      How to
      Make Him Miss You
      How to
      Know if Your Partner Still Loves Their Ex
      11 Reasons Why Your Ex Might Want to Stay Friends
      80+ Questions to Ask Your Ex to Understand Your Relationship
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 18 February 2021
      2. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 11 March 2021
      3. ↑ http://www.mydailymoment.com/moms/mom_time/playing_nice_with_your_ex_here_s_how.php?page=5
      4. ↑ http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a2375/getting-over-it-ex-boyfriend/
      5. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 11 March 2021
      6. ↑ http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a2375/getting-over-it-ex-boyfriend/

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 115,730 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Shelby T.

        Sep 12, 2016

        "I'm planning on breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, and it's been really weighing on my mind. ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement