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This article was written by John Keegan
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
There are 18 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 359,730 times.
Is that guy at work checking you out, or are you imagining things? Is he fantasizing about you, or is he just being friendly? If you’re hoping he’s into you—or if you’re really hoping he isn’t—there are plenty of ways to tell if his feelings are platonic or romantic. Keep reading for the ultimate list of signals that your coworker is keeping a crush under wraps.
Things You Should Know
- He probably likes you if he sits next to you in meetings, chooses you for his team, and sticks up for you in front of others.
- If he’s attracted to you, he’ll send nonverbal cues like light touching, leaning in when you talk, and improving the way he dresses.
- Your coworker likely has a crush if he loves talking to you, remembers small details about you, and compliments you.
- He might be into you if he invites you to lunch, messages you outside of work, and wants to hang out.
Steps
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If he enjoys being near you, he might have romantic feelings for you. During meetings, he may casually slide into the chair next to yours while being careful not to look overly eager. Or maybe he takes detours by your desk. If he looks for opportunities to be close to you, it’s a good indicator that he has a crush.
- He doesn’t want to make it obvious, so he’ll always have some excuse to be there. Really, he needs to sharpen his pencil by your cubicle again? It’s crazy how they just keep breaking!
- Try this experiment: when he’s standing next to you, move to another area of the room. If he nonchalantly strolls over after a few minutes, there’s a good chance he wants to be near you because he has a secretly likes you.
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If he's very supportive of you, it might be proof of romantic feelings. For example, if another employee is rude to you, he may call it out. Or if you totally rock a work assignment, he might praise you publicly. Of course, he won’t totally gush over you because he doesn’t want to shine a spotlight on his feelings. He builds you up in a low-key way, but it’s a clue that he admires you. [1] X Research source
- If you decide to get romantically involved, experts recommend disclosing the relationship sooner rather than later. Otherwise, employees will re-examine interactions like these and feel suspicious about ulterior motives. [2] X Research source
- Plus, many employers have policies that require you to tell HR (human resources) when you’re in a workplace relationship. Check your company’s handbook for more info. [3] X Research source
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If he truly enjoys conversations with you, he might be falling for you. [4] X Research source He’ll probably downplay his crush by opening the chat with a relevant work-related question, but it won’t be long before he branches off into other topics. [5] X Research source If your coworker loves talking with you but hasn’t asked you out yet, he might be trying to get a better read on whether you like him before he makes a move.
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If he notices your new look, he might be checking you out. For example, if you switch your hairstyle he’ll instantly pick up on it. Or if you get new glasses, he'll point it out. Hmm, that sounds like he spends a lot of time looking at you! [6] X Research source
- However, some people are just naturally observant. Does he notice when other people get a haircut or braces? If so, this is likely just friendly behavior.
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If he’s into you, he’ll cheer up when you walk by and wave. Even if he has a bad day, his attitude will switch from gloomy to glad when he sees you. He doesn’t realize that his mood shifts hint at his true feelings! [7] X Research source
- One reason he might be hiding his feelings? He might worry that if he asks you out, things could get really awkward, really fast. He may be taking it slow because he loves how you make him feel and doesn’t want to risk losing that.
- Just behave normally and give him the chance to build his confidence. Confronting him about it too soon may put a strain on your friendship. [8] X Research source
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If he seems jealous when you're with male coworkers, he may like you. He probably plays it cool by hiding his feelings behind humor, such as calling Chris your “work husband.” But if he teases you, there may be an unspoken question: “Do you like him more than me?” [9] X Research source
- If you’re interested in dating your coworker, tell him, “Chris is nice, but he isn’t really my type.” Your coworker will probably take the opening to ask about your type…if you describe him, he’ll get the picture!
- Brush it off if you don't want to pursue a relationship. Say, “Yeah, right, I need a boyfriend like a fish needs a bicycle.” Or, tell him, “I’d never get involved with a coworker—too messy!”
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If he brings up your name often, it’s because you’re on his mind. When chatting with other employees, he might keep bringing the conversation around to you: a joke you told, your opinion about the latest movie, or your experience at a restaurant. If he can’t seem to stop talking about you, it’s probably because you’re one of his favorite topics. [10] X Research source
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If he leans in when you speak to him, he might be attracted to you. He might also touch his hair or mirror your body position. If his pupils widen when he’s near you, that’s an obvious clue that he has the hots for you. [11] X Research source
- Some people are “close talkers” and don’t give others much personal space. Pay attention to additional nonverbal cues (such as widening pupils) to determine whether he’s simply being friendly.
- Remember that you also communicate with body language . If you aren’t interested in your coworker, express that by crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, and taking a step backward. [12] X Research source
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If he steps up his game around you, he may be trying to impress you. For example, he might speak up boldly in the meetings you attend. Or maybe his productivity jumps when you’re on the same shift. He’s motivated to show you his skills because he wants to earn your admiration. [13] X Research source
- He might not be comfortable telling you how he feels because he thinks he could be rejected. It’s possible that he’s trying to show you he’s talented and worthy of your affection.
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If he's scrolling through your feed, he may be trying to learn about you. He’s probably trying to get to know you better and find out what your life outside of work is like. Sure, his comments are likely chill. But the farther back his likes or comments go, the more obvious his secret becomes: he is definitely into you. [14] X Research source
- If he only likes or comments on recent posts, that’s typical buddy behavior.
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If he wants you on his team, maybe he's trying to spend time with you. This could be his way of getting closer to you while still keeping things professional. [15] X Research source He might be on to something: research on workplace romance shows that the more often we interact with someone, the faster attraction builds. [16] X Research source
- On the other hand, it’s wise to consider how a workplace romance might mess up your mojo, especially if you work closely with them every day.
- If you want to find out if he secretly likes you , ask why he requested to work with you. If he responds with, “Because you’re good at making spreadsheets,” he might only see you as a fellow professional. However, his feelings might run deeper if he replies, “Because you’re fun to be with.”
- It’s possible that he’s keeping his feelings private because he thinks a work relationship might complicate his job. His main focus right now might be his career.
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If he's trying to hold his feelings in, he might be tongue-tied. Or he doesn’t know what to say because he suddenly feels nervous around you. Perhaps he’s so distracted by your charm that he can’t think straight! If he’s usually a smooth-talking dude, this is a clue he’s crushing on you. [17] X Research source
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If he’s always paying attention to you, that’s a strong hint he likes you. He might comment that you looked drowsy at your desk earlier. Or he might joke about seeing you send a text during a meeting. If you always seem to be on his radar, it's clear he’s been eyeing you on the sly. [18] X Research source
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If he always has your back, it could mean he has romantic feelings. Maybe he steps in to help you figure out why the copier is on the fritz. Perhaps he gives you a hand hauling boxes to the basement. If he always wants to help, he might be quietly showing you how much he cares. [19] X Research source
- It’s possible that he’s just the kind of guy who goes the extra mile. But does he drop everything to assist other coworkers like he does to help you? If yes, he’s simply a nice dude. If no…he’s interested in you.
- You’ve heard of “relationship red flags;” this is a definite “relationship green flag.” He’s demonstrating that you can trust him to be there for you during times of need.
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If he remembers tons of facts about you, that shows he’s pretty invested. When a coworker knows the name of your pet, your biggest phobia, and how you feel about pineapple on pizza, that’s a big clue that he has a romantic interest in you! He may recall small details because he finds you absolutely fascinating. [20] X Research source
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If your schedules match, maybe he's trying to maximize time with you. Perhaps he used to have Tuesdays off, but now you’re both off on Fridays. Or maybe he used to arrive a bit late, but now pulls into the parking lot at the same time as you. He might clock out for lunch as soon as he sees you heading for the door. Coincidence? Probably not. [21] X Research source
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If he gives you a funny nickname, it might be a term of endearment. He’ll make it a silly one to throw you off track—after all, something sweet like “Sunshine” might show his hand. So, maybe calling you “Bubbles” because you snorted Pepsi out of your nose that one time isn’t exactly romantic, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t affectionate! [22] X Research source
- A little bit of good-natured teasing is often a sign of attraction. But if your coworker is the sort of person who thinks of goofy nicknames for everyone, don’t read too much into it.
- As adorable as nicknames are, make sure that your workplace interactions align with the company culture. Trying to change the norms is awkward for everyone. [23] X Research source
- For example, if you work in a casual kitchen environment, silly nicknames are probably fine. If you’re employed at a bank, nicknames might be viewed as unprofessional.
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If he wants you to see another side of him, he could have a crush. He might show you a TikTok of his guitar solo. Or, he might ask if you want to see pics of his weekend snowboarding trip. If he shares these parts of himself with you, it could be a subtle sign that he's into you. [24] X Research source
- Determine whether he’s only being friendly by finding out whether he’s showing other coworkers videos of him shredding slopes or if it’s just you.
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If your coworker frequently glances at you, he’s likely trying to connect. For example, if you’re in a meeting and the boss asks for suggestions, he might instinctively turn to you. If juicy work drama is going down, he might look your way to share a “WTH?!” moment. Like Jim from The Office , his meaningful glances reveal more than he realizes. [25] X Research source
- Some people just aren’t comfortable with making a lot of eye contact. So if your coworker doesn’t hold your gaze, there’s still a chance he might have a crush on you.
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He may be trying to attract you if he changes his look. Maybe he retires his ill-fitting jeans and replaces them with something trendier. Perhaps he gets a nice haircut or starts growing a beard. If he’s focusing more on how he presents himself, he may be trying to make a good impression on you.
- It’s possible that he’s keeping his feelings private because he believes you’re out of his league. He may be trying to build up his confidence by altering his appearance.
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If he gives you little gifts, it shows he’s thinking about you. He might bring you a caramel Frappuccino (your favorite!) to start your day off right. Or maybe he grabs you chips from the vending machine, or a box of tissues when you have the sniffles. It’s never anything big—he doesn’t want you to catch on to how he feels—but he loves to put a smile on your face because he really cares about you. [26] X Research source
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If he often says kind things, it might be a sign that he really likes you. He’s probably subtle about it because he isn’t ready to tell you how he feels yet. For example, if you complain about how frizzy your hair is after getting caught in the rain, he might say he likes the natural look. It’s sweet, but not over the top. [27] X Research source
- If his compliments are related to your work performance, he may simply respect you as a coworker. If they’re about your appearance, sense of humor, or personality, it could mean something more.
- Pay attention to how he interacts with others; is he always telling people they look amazing? Does he throw out compliments like confetti? If so, don’t take his words too seriously.
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If he finds excuses to touch you, he may be showing affection. Maybe he’s king of the “accidental” brush and his arm grazes yours when he sits next to you. Or he might pat your shoulder, pick a piece of lint off your sweater, or give you a high five when he walks by. These low-key interactions could be a clue that he’s secretly crushing on you. [28] X Research source
- Some people are naturally “touchy-feely.” Watch how he interacts with other coworkers to see if he touches them often too. If he does, there probably isn’t a secret meaning behind it.
- If you like him back, mirror his behavior and casually touch him in the same ways.
- Not interested? Be aware that blurring the lines with physical contact sends mixed signals. When he touches you, shift away from him or take a step backward.
- Tell him clearly to stop touching you if it makes you uncomfortable. If the behavior continues, talk to HR about the issue. Explain what’s happening and say, “This is creating a hostile work environment.” [29] X Trustworthy Source US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission U.S. government agency that enforces civil rights in the workplace Go to source
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He may be trying to see if you're available by fishing for details. If he’s keeping a crush under wraps, he’ll likely try to learn about your romantic life in a roundabout way: “So, what did you do last weekend?” “Who did you go hiking with?” He probably wants to figure out if you’re involved with someone without revealing his feelings.
- If you want to further the relationship, ask reciprocal questions about his weekend. If he mentions he went bowling, say, “It’s been ages since I’ve been bowling, I used to love it as a kid!” That gives him an opening to ask you out. [30] X Research source
- Don’t want to bite? Respond vaguely to keep things at a professional level: “Oh, I just caught up on some errands this weekend.” Then steer the conversation back to a work-related topic.
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If all of your jokes crack him up, he might be infatuated with you. Sure, maybe you’re just a hilarious person. But there’s a way to find out: gauge his attraction by telling a truly terrible joke. Did he react with a polite smile or a loud guffaw? If he laughs at even your worst jokes, he’s totally crushing on you.
- Need a bad joke idea? Try this one: Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference!
- Wait, here’s another: Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged!
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If you often have his full attention, he may find you captivating. Does your coworker completely focus on you while you’re speaking? Does he hang on your every word and seem genuinely interested in your ideas and opinions? [31] X Research source Does he ask follow-up questions to keep you talking? If so, this may be a sign that he’s into you.
- Is your coworker a super chatty person? In that case, he might just be making friendly conversation.
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If he makes your day special, it’s likely because he thinks you’re special! He probably doesn’t need a Facebook reminder to know when it’s your birthday. Maybe he even gives you a present! If he treats you like royalty all day, he might have romantic feelings for you. [32] X Research source
- If your coworker gave the receptionist a similar box of chocolates on her birthday, he’s just a thoughtful guy. Enjoy the chocolates, but don’t assume the gift means he’s sweet on you. [33] X Research source
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If he asks to grab lunch with you, maybe it's a baby step toward a date. It's much less pressure than an actual date: he doesn’t have to change his clothes, pick you up, and take you to dinner at a nice restaurant. Grabbing a sandwich at the corner deli could be a chill way to spend time with someone he’s attracted to. [34] X Research source
- If you don’t want your coworker to think you like him , respond to the invite by saying something like, “Sure, is it okay if I invite Mandy along?”
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If he texts you after work, maybe he can’t get enough of you. [35] X Research source Another clue? He offers an unprompted explanation when he hasn’t texted for a while: “Sorry I haven’t been around tonight, my cousin came over.”
- Check with your other friends at work to see if he messages them as well. Some people just spend a lot of time texting.
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If he casually asks to meet up, he might be trying to avoid rejection. He might want to see you outside of work hours without the pressure of calling it a date. Rather than definitively asking you out, he might say something like, “I’m going to a festival downtown this weekend, wanna meet me there?” It could be that he likes you and doesn’t want to risk getting shot down. [36] X Research source
- If hanging out—just as friends—sounds fun, it’s smart to offer some clarity upfront. Say, “I’d love to hang out with my work bestie this weekend, what time do you want to meet?” This is a gentle way of letting him know where he stands.
- To keep things squarely in the friend zone, insist on splitting the tab when you hang out rather than letting him pick up the check.
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References
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220228-the-inevitability-of-the-office-romance
- ↑ https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/hr-topics/organizational-and-employee-development/pages/ask-hr-do-i-need-to-disclose-my-workplace-relationship-.aspx
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=86
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=148
- ↑ https://psych2go.net/5-signs-they-love-you-but-are-trying-not-to-show-it/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=413
- ↑ https://hopeforwholeness.org/signs-male-coworker-likes-you-hiding/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=242
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-ultimate-guide-body-language
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=297
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=221
- ↑ https://hopeforwholeness.org/signs-male-coworker-likes-you-hiding/
- ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220228-the-inevitability-of-the-office-romance
- ↑ https://psych2go.net/5-signs-they-love-you-but-are-trying-not-to-show-it/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=65
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://psych2go.net/5-signs-they-love-you-but-are-trying-not-to-show-it/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220228-the-inevitability-of-the-office-romance
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=323
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=86
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=367
- ↑ https://hopeforwholeness.org/signs-male-coworker-likes-you-hiding/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.eeoc.gov/harassment
- ↑ https://hopeforwholeness.org/signs-male-coworker-likes-you-hiding/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://youtu.be/n8zuItnU2Kg?t=387
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/signs-a-guy-likes-you-at-work/
About This Article
This article was written by John Keegan
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 359,730 times.
26 votes - 79%
Co-authors: 9
Updated: December 29, 2023
Views: 359,730
Categories: Getting a Boyfriend
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 359,730 times.
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