How to Use "Sorry for Your Loss" to Comfort Someone

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Plus, alternative phrases to use to express your condolences
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When someone in your life is grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s often difficult to find the words to express your sympathy. “Sorry for your loss” is a simple and appropriate phrase to use when offering your condolences to a grieving person. This article covers the meaning of “sorry for your loss,” how and when to use it, alternative phrases, and how to appropriately respond when someone says it to you. Plus, we spoke with Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Rebecca Tenzer to find out how to comfort someone who’s lost a loved one.

What does “sorry for your loss” mean?

“Sorry for your loss” means you’re feeling sympathy for another person’s loss of a loved one. It’s appropriate to include it in written sympathy messages or when offering condolences in person.

Section 1 of 7:

“Sorry for Your Loss” Meaning & Usage

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  1. “Sorry for your loss” is an appropriate phrase to express sympathy in situations where another person has lost a loved one. With this phrase, you tell the other person that you feel sympathy for them in their time of grief. [1]
    • However, some feel that the phrase is overused and insincere. The grieving person may perceive “sorry for your loss” as a canned message that fails to address the depth of emotion the person experiences.
    • Critics of the phrase feel that even an awkward but authentic expression is better than a common phrase like “sorry for your loss.” [2]
    • It’s also appropriate to say, “I’m sorry about your loss.” The phrases are interchangeable.
  2. “Sorry for your loss” is a simple message that expresses your condolences in a polite, supportive way. It’s appropriate to say to family members, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. However, you may want to make an offer of support or express your love in addition to saying “sorry for your loss” for a grieving person you have a close relationship with.
    • For example, simply write or say, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” to comfort a grieving person. It’s appropriate to use this phrase to open a message of sympathy or as you greet a grieving person at calling hours or a funeral service.
    • To offer additional support for a close friend or family member, say, “I’m sorry for your loss. If you need someone to talk to, let me know. I’m here for you.”
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Section 2 of 7:

Alternative Condolence Messages

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  1. Losing a parent can be a profound experience that makes a person feel lost, fearful, and unsafe in a way they have never experienced before. It changes their identity because they are now the older generation instead of being someone’s child. It’s difficult to know what to say to someone who is experiencing this type of grief. [3] Here’s a list of example condolence messages to help you figure out what to say in this situation:
    • “I'm so sorry you've lost someone so important to you and your family.”
    • “You've experienced such a huge loss in saying goodbye to your mother. If you want to talk, I'd love to hear more about who she was and what your times together were like. Just call me, and I’ll be there.”
    • “I know this loss hit you hard. I know the grief of losing your dad must be so difficult to navigate.”
    • “Your mom was so funny and welcoming. I can't believe she's gone. My heart is with you right now.”
    • “Your dad was such a solid member of this community, but it was so clear that he was so much more than that for you and your family.”
    • “I know you feel unmoored and sad right now, but if there's anything I can do to help you or your family with meals, yard work, or grocery shopping, please let me know.”
    • “I hope memories of the happy times you had with your dad can be of some comfort during this incredibly difficult time.”
    • “I'm so sad for you and sorry a person as wonderful as your mom is gone.”
    • “I know you loved your dad very much. I'm so sorry he's gone. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you and your family.”
    • “Please know I'm thinking about you and your family and praying for you.”
  2. Dealing with the loss of a child is a devastating experience that many refer to as the worst a parent can ever endure. Not only is a beloved child lost, but the person’s idea of how life should unfold is shattered. Knowing what to say to someone going through that grief is a daunting task, but it’s much better to reach out than to wait until you have the perfect thing to say. [4] Here are a few phrases to help guide you as you offer comfort:
    • “There are no words that can express the depth of sorrow I feel for you. Your precious son's memory will forever remain in our hearts.”
    • “I pray that as the months and years pass, you find peace in the beautiful memories you created together as a family so your daughter lives on in your hearts.”
    • “I appreciate you opening up to me about your miscarriage. I know it's such a hard thing to face, and I can't do anything to make it better, but I’m here for you whenever you need me.”
    • “Your son had an incredible impact on the world in his short time here. He’ll always be remembered and cherished by everyone who knew him.”
    • “You have my deepest condolences on the passing of your beloved daughter. Her time with us was too short, but her impact on our lives was immeasurable.”
    • “I don't have words to fully express just how sorry I am to hear about your loss.”
    • “I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. Please know that my heart aches for you during this unimaginable time of grief.”
    • “Words can't describe how much I feel for you. Know that I am here for you during this time. If you're comfortable with me doing so, may I drop off some dinner for you this week?
    • “Your son had such an incredible soul, and words can't describe how unfair this is. I am here for you at any time. Just call.”
    • “No words can heal the pain of losing a child. I offer you my heartfelt condolences and hope that the cherished moments you shared will bring you comfort.”
  3. When a person loses a spouse or partner, it changes every part of their life. They may have trouble eating or sleeping. They have good and bad days and may even feel guilt over being alive when their partner is gone. Tenzer says, “It's difficult to say the right or wrong way to comfort a loved one who is grieving.” It’s important to acknowledge what they’re going through and let them know you’re there to support them. [5] Here are a few ideas of what to say:
    • “Nothing can replace having your partner here. I certainly can't, but I can bring you groceries or anything else you need.”
    • “I can’t imagine how much you’re hurting right now. It’s a tough road. Just know that I’ll walk it with you as much as I can.”
    • “Call or text me any time. I really mean it. I don’t care if it’s 3:30 am on Christmas morning. I’m here to help you when you’re sad or frustrated or just want to remember the happy times. I’ll even listen if you just want to yell at me for a little while. I love you so much.”
    • “If you need some alone time, I can take the kids for a few hours. You can do errands, cry, stare at the wall, binge-watch bad TV, whatever—I won't ask. Just text me, and I'll be there.”
    • “I know you’re heartbroken right now, and your life has been turned upside-down. I love you and will be thinking about you.”
    • “I’m sure you feel incomplete and lost right now. I hate that you have to suffer like this. But I love you and am here for you whenever you need me.”
    • “I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved partner. You complemented each other like no other couple I know. May your precious memories bring you comfort.”
    • “I’ll always admire the love shared between you and your partner. You shared a one-of-kind bond that can never be broken.”
    • “I have so many happy memories of spending time with the two of you. If you ever want to talk or reminisce about the happy times, I'm here for you.”
    • “I wish there was something I could do to heal your broken heart, but I can’t. I can help you take care of any phone calls or paperwork, though. I’m here to help you in any way you need.”
  4. “The loss of a relative can be absolutely devastating. Whether it was an abrupt death or prolonged illness, grief is difficult to navigate and often leaves those around you struggling to be helpful,” says Tenzer. Sometimes, when a person loses a member of their extended family, it’s just as shocking as losing someone they see every day. This is especially true when they lose a grandparent, sibling, aunt, or uncle they were close to. But in many cases, their grief may be overlooked in favor of the parents, spouse, or children of the deceased person. [6] Here are a few suggestions for condolence messages for those who have lost an extended family member:
    • “I hope that, even though your world is so dark right now, you’re able to see some light in the memories you had with your loved one.”
    • “I want to be present for you, but I don't know how. Please know I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I’ll drop by with dinner on Wednesday. If there's anything else I can do, don't hesitate to let me know.”
    • “I'm praying every day for your comfort and for you to be able to find joy again. I love you.”
    • “Your brother will always be remembered for the amazing person he was. May his memory bring you comfort and peace.”
    • “I know your grief must seem insurmountable. Please know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you.”
    • “This is beyond difficult. My heart goes out to you as I send my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family at this sad time.”
    • “I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sharing your sadness and praying for you during this difficult time.”
    • “Your sister was such an important part of your life, and so many feel her loss deeply. Please accept my sincerest condolences.”
    • “Please know that however you're feeling right now—sad, numb, guilty, tired, angry—it's normal. There's no right way to feel. I love you and am so sad that you're going through this.”
    • “Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take your time. You have my deepest condolences and support.
  5. Losing a close friend is a significant event that has long-term effects on their health and well-being. [7] They may feel guilty about expressing their grief because they aren’t “family,” yet they strongly feel the loss. They’re also more likely to be overlooked by people offering support. [8] Simply acknowledging their pain and loss makes a big difference as they deal with their friend’s death . Here are a few suggestions for what to say to offer your sympathies:
    • “You’re not alone. I’m here to be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to anything you want to share.”
    • “Grief is such a complex part of life, and everything you're feeling right now is normal, even though it seems strange and difficult to navigate.”
    • “I know there are no words that can ease your pain. Just know that I’ll always be here for you no matter what.”
    • “I know that grief comes in waves. That’s why I intend to be with you throughout this difficult journey.”
    • “My heart goes out to you for the loss of your dear friend. I know how much she meant to you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.”
    • “I knew how much time you spent together. You were inseparable. May all your wonderful memories comfort you during this heartbreaking time.”
    • “Sending healing prayers and comfort during this tough time.”
    • “I know your world is so dark after the loss of such a good friend. Sending you light through my love. I'll always be there for you.”
    • “Grief is a journey, and I'm going to be here for you every step of the way.”
    • “Losing someone so close is so hard. I will be here to support you at any time and at any hour. Sending you so much love.”
  6. Many people consider their pet a member of their family. Losing a beloved pet can be a heartbreaking experience that leaves a hole that the person feels for years. It’s hard to know how to support someone who’s grieving the loss of a pet , especially if you haven’t had the same experience. [9] Focus on the relationship the person had with their pet and don’t forget to use the pet’s name if you know it. Here are a few options for kind and comforting words to offer:
    • “It’s never easy losing a family member. We know that Gidget was more than family to you.”
    • “I’m thinking of you during this difficult time. May the beautiful memories of your time with Edgar bring you comfort.”
    • “I’m here for you. Take your time. I know how much Doc meant to you.
    • “Nori was the absolute best companion who loved you unconditionally. I know this is an incredibly hard time. Just know I’m here for you.”
    • “Peep was so lovable and adorable. She will be sorely missed.”
    • “Smokey made everyone’s day brighter. Their friendly and sweet spirit will be greatly missed.”
    • “I’m sorry for the loss of Stripey. She was such an awesome companion who brought you so much joy.”
    • “You gave Zelda a wonderful life. May their spirit live on in our hearts.”
    • “I’m so sorry to hear about Storm. He was a good cat who brought so much joy to all of our lives.”
    • “Graham was such a gentle and loving soul. Their calming presence will be greatly missed.”
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Section 3 of 7:

Appropriate Sympathy Quotes

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  1. Finding the right words to say to someone coping with the loss of a loved one is hard. Sometimes, a well-chosen quote perfectly expresses what you want to say better than a hand-written card or note. [10] Here are a few quotes that are appropriate for messages of sympathy:
    • “The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.” – C.S. Lewis
    • “Death ends a life, not a relationship. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on- in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.” – Mitch Albom
    • “Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
    • “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – A.A. Milne
    • “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:4
    • “Darkness may hide the trees and the flowers from the eyes, but it cannot hide love from the soul.” – Rumi
    • “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30
    • “What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller
    • “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” – John 16:22
    • “Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.” – Emily Dickinson
Section 4 of 7:

Condolence Phrases to Avoid

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  1. Sometimes, finding what to say to someone experiencing grief may cause you to say something well-intentioned but hurtful. It’s also very easy to slip into focusing on your own experiences as you try to relate to what the grieving person is going through. You may feel the urge to make suggestions to help them feel better, but these are usually unwanted when someone is working through their grief. [11] Here are a few phrases to avoid when expressing sympathy:
    • “They’re in a better place.”
    • “I know how you feel.”
    • “Everything happens for a reason.”
    • “You’ll feel better soon.”
    • “She lived a long life.”
    • “This happens to us all eventually.”
    • “You’re handling this better than I expected.”
    • “They would have wanted it this way.”
    • “He’s with God now.”
    • “Time heals all wounds.”
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Section 5 of 7:

How to Express Sympathy & Provide Support

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  1. “Sorry for your loss” is a good starting place when thinking about what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. However, your words will be more comforting if they’re more personal to the situation and people involved. Focus on what they are experiencing and the grief they are feeling. Acknowledge the situation and express your concern. Make them feel recognized and supported. [12]
    • For example, say, “I heard your mother died. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I love you and want to help in any way I can. Do you need me to come over and walk the dog or bring you dinner?””
    • For many grieving people, it’s more important to have someone listen than to receive the perfect sympathy message.
    • One way to make your message more personal is to offer to drop by to be a friendly ear or shoulder to cry on.
  2. Don’t worry that you’re bringing up a painful subject by talking about the person who died. Many people find it comforting to hear how others remember their lost loved one. Sharing a memory also gives them the opportunity to talk about the person they’re grieving. [13]
    • For example, say, “I will never forget that time your brother rescued your neighbor’s cat and when he took the cat to her house, she said she didn’t have a cat. Then he kept the cat and named it Tricky. He had such a good heart and a great sense of humor. He will be missed.”
  3. Everyone grieves differently. There are highs and lows that are impossible to predict. The bereaved may want to be alone one day and the next invite over guests to keep them company. The best way to support them as they move through the grieving process is to give them the space and check in on them so you can be there when they need you. [14]
    • For example, say, “Hey, I just wanted to check in to see if you’d like to have a little company today. No pressure if you’re not up to it. I can bring some ice cream and we can watch old episodes of Friends if you just want someone to hang around with.”
  4. You may be tempted to say something like, “Is there anything I can do?” or “Call me if you need anything.” [15] While your heart is in the right place, some people may feel like their grief is a burden to the people around them, so they don’t reach out even when they want your support. Instead of a general offer of help, be more specific about what you can do to help and when you can do it. Offer to do their laundry, bring them their favorite dessert, or drop by the next day.
    • For example, say, “Do you need help around the house or someone to pick up the kids after school next week?”
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Section 6 of 7:

How to Respond to “Sorry for Your Loss”

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  1. Whether you leave it at that or want to express more specific thanks, there’s no wrong way to respond to “sorry for your loss.” Most people will understand that you’re coping with grief and may not have the right words. [16] Here are a few options to use:
    • “I appreciate your words of support.”
    • “Thank you, it’s been a difficult time.”
    • “I’m so glad you reached out.”
    • “It means a lot to me that you came.”
    • “Thank you so much for your support. It’s brought me a great deal of comfort.”
    • “It’s comforting to have friends around me right now.”
    • “Thank you so much for the kind words.”
    • “I’m at a loss for words at how kind and generous everyone’s been.”
    • “It would mean a lot to them that you’re here.”
    • “I’m so lucky I have you to turn to.”
Section 7 of 7:

Frequently Asked Questions

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  1. Send a condolence message as soon as you hear the sad news. While condolences are appreciated whenever the grieving person receives them, they can be especially comforting immediately after the death or funeral service. [17]
    • It’s also appropriate to share a comforting message on the anniversary of a loss.
  2. A hand-written note or card is usually considered the most appropriate way to express sympathy to a person grieving the loss of a loved one because it’s more personal. However, sending a digital greeting card, email, or comforting text lets you offer your condolences and support quickly. Tenzer says, “We are in a world fueled by Technology. You no longer have to be roommates, neighbors, or coworkers to comfort one another during tough times.”
    • Sending a condolence message by email is preferable to text.
    • Follow up texts and emails with a handwritten message or attend the funeral or visitation if possible. [18]
  3. Short messages are acceptable no matter who you send a condolence message to. This is especially true when contacting the grieving person via text. Personalizing the message and offering sincere condolences is more important than writing a long message. [19]
  4. The closing of a condolence message is where you offer help or support. Try to be specific about what help you’re offering. For example, say, “We signed up to drop by next week and cut the grass,” instead of “Let me know if there’s anything we can do to help.” [20]
    • Close with an expression of hope or sympathy, such as “I’m holding you close in my thoughts,” or “With sympathy.”
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      References

      1. ↑ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/sorry-for-your-loss
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-fracture/202002/stop-saying-im-sorry-for-your-loss
      3. ↑ https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/grief-experiences/losing-a-parent/
      4. ↑ https://paediatricpalliativecare.org.au/resource/supporting-someone-who-is-grieving-the-loss-of-a-child/
      5. ↑ https://www.boltonhospice.org.uk/news/2020/12/what-to-say-and-what-not-to-say-to-someone-who-grieving
      6. ↑ https://www.compassionatefriends.org/adults-grieving-death-sibling/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202212/the-profound-significance-the-death-close-friend
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202212/the-profound-significance-the-death-close-friend
      9. ↑ https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/pets/a43742319/what-to-say-when-someone-loses-a-pet/
      1. ↑ https://parade.com/1075647/stephanieosmanski/sympathy-quotes/
      2. ↑ https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/grief-what-not-to-say
      3. ↑ https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/a40119939/condolence-messages/
      4. ↑ https://www.christianhealthnj.org/news/2024/may/comforting-loved-ones-in-grief-finding-the-right/
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving
      6. ↑ https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/a40119939/condolence-messages
      7. ↑ https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/what-to-say-when-someone-says-sorry-for-your-loss
      8. ↑ https://www.etiquetteer.com/columns/condolence-guidelines
      9. ↑ https://emilypost.com/advice/sympathy-notes-and-letters
      10. ↑ https://www.funeralbasics.org/how-to-offer-condolences-via-text-or-dm/
      11. ↑ https://together.stjude.org/en-us/for-families/bereavement/writing-a-condolence-letter.html

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