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Get over an ex or an unrequited love, once and for all
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Are you still hung up on an ex or a crush who rejected you? If so, you're not alone. Romantic rejection can be very painful, and it’s completely normal to have a hard time moving on. Luckily, there are several steps you can take to start healing your heart and stop caring about this person, and we’ll cover them all. Keep reading for everything you need to know, and remember, you will get through this!
Ways to Stop Caring About Someone
- Allow yourself to fully feel your emotions, instead of ignoring them or squashing them down.
- Disconnect from this person on social media, and don’t reach out to them over the phone.
- Take time to focus on yourself and explore your hobbies, interests, and goals.
- Spend time with friends and family members to remind yourself of all the love in your life.
- Remind yourself of the reasons why you and this person aren’t the best match.
- Focus on what you’re looking for in a future partner or relationship.
- Work through your feelings with a licensed therapist or counselor.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Tips to Help You Stop Caring About Someone
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Accept the reality of the situation. Whether you’re dealing with rejection from a crush or experiencing a break-up with your significant other, it’s important to accept the fact that other person doesn’t want to be in a relationship. As difficult as this can be, it’s the first step to healing and moving on. It may take some time, but you will heal from this painful situation! [1] X Research source
- You may feel tempted to try to change their mind, but do your best to fight this impulse. Once they’ve made their decision, it’s important to respect it.
- When you find yourself thinking about this, try to turn your attention inward, instead. This is a great opportunity to focus on yourself and get to know yourself better. [2] X Research source
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Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Romantic rejection can be very difficult, and it’s completely normal to feel sadness or grief. If you try to ignore or squash these feelings down, they’ll just end up resurfacing in the future. Instead, allow yourself to fully feel your emotions, so that you can process them and eventually let them go. [3] X Research source Here are some tips:
- Have a good cry. Crying can be very cathartic, and there’s even scientific evidence to back this up. The act of crying releases the feel-good hormone oxytocin, and your tears flush stress hormones out of your system. [4] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- Listen to good break-up songs. It may seem counter-intuitive, but sad music can actually make you feel better after heartbreak. It helps you feel less alone, while also inspiring positive feelings like compassion and hope. [5] X Research source
- Try writing in a journal . [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or flowery writing—just express yourself freely on the page. This cathartic practice can help you process the way you’re feeling, which is the first step to moving on.
- Reader Poll: We asked 159 wikiHow readers how they manage their feelings after losing someone from their life, and 55% of them said that they let themselves express their emotions and cry. [Take Poll]
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Take some time apart from them. It’s definitely possible to be friends with an ex or a crush who rejected you, but it’s important to take some time apart first. If you’re still hanging out or texting all the time. [7] X Research source A period of separation gives you the space you need to truly get over this person, so that you can build a healthy friendship sometime in the future (if you want).
- This means no hanging out in person, and no communicating online or over the phone. This can be tough, but do your best to stay strong!
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Disconnect from them on social media. Every time you see your crush or ex post on social media, it can be a painful reminder of what might’ve been. Staying connected on social media also allows you to maintain hope that you could reconcile someday, which makes it harder for you to let go and move on. [8] X Research source
- If you’re ready to cut ties completely, consider unfriending or unfollowing them on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and TikTok.
- Sometimes it’s uncomfortable or impossible to fully disconnect. This may be the case if you work together or if you’re in the same friend group, for example.
- If you’re in this situation, try muting them on Instagram, Snapchat , and Facebook.
- This allows you to remain “friends” with them without having to see all the content they post.
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Put away any sentimental memorabilia. If you have any gifts from or photographs of the two of you on display, take them down and put them in storage. Just like social media posts, these sentimental items can act as reminders of the connection you shared with this person, which makes it harder to disconnect and move forward. [9] X Research source
- You don’t need to throw these things away—they’re an important part of your history and your story!
- Just put them on a shelf in your closet, in a storage box under your bed, or anywhere else where they’ll be out of sight for a while.
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Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves cultivating a deep awareness of the present moment. [10] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source This helps you let go of difficult emotions about the past and worries about the future, so that you can start moving on. Here are some ways to get started with a mindful lifestyle:
- Try mindful meditation . This powerful practice can improve sleep quality, lower blood pressure, and reduce anxiety, stress, and depression. [11] X Research source
- Try out yoga . Practicing yoga is a great way to stay active while also promoting relaxation, reducing stress, and boosting your mood. [12] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source
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Cultivate self-confidence. A romantic rejection can do a number on your self-esteem. It’s important to remember that this rejection has nothing to do with how special you are, and that it has no bearing on your self-worth. [13] X Research source Try reciting positive affirmations or making a list of all the things you love about yourself. Building up your self-confidence in this way will make it easier to stop caring about the other person’s opinion of you.
- Self-love affirmations to try include, “I am worthy of love and respect,” “I radiate warmth and positivity,” and “I love myself for who I am.”
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Explore your hobbies and interests. A good distraction can help you disconnect from the situation and stop thinking about your ex so much. They can also bring you some much-needed joy and fun. [14] X Research source You can get back into an old hobby that you put on the back-burner, or even explore something entirely new. Here are some ideas to inspire you:
- Artistic hobbies include crocheting, drawing, painting, playing an instrument, singing, and dancing.
- Intellectual hobbies include reading, writing, taking a class, or researching a topic you’re interested in.
- Athletic hobbies include hiking, jogging, biking, swimming, boxing, basketball, tennis, soccer, and yoga.
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Go after an exciting new goal. After a romantic rejection, it can be incredibly healing to throw yourself into a new goal or project. [15] X Research source This focus on self-improvement is a great distraction, and you’ll likely experience a big confidence boost when you achieve the thing you set out to do. Here are some ideas:
- Work on getting a new certification that will expand your professional opportunities.
- Start a creative project that you’ve always dreamed of doing, like writing a book, or learning how to play guitar.
- Set an athletic goal, like working out 4 days per week, participating in a half marathon, or joining a sports league in your area.
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Lean on your support network. It’s completely normal to need a bit of alone time to heal after a romantic rejection, but try not to isolate yourself too much. This may lead to increased sadness and loneliness, which can prevent you from moving forward. Spend time with trusted friends and family members to remind yourself of all the love in your life. [16] X Research source
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Remind yourself of the reasons why things didn’t work out. After a break-up, your brain may create a highlight reel of all the good times and push away the negative memories, which makes it much harder to move on. [17] X Research source If you catch yourself putting on rose-colored glasses and fantasizing about the past, do your best to bring yourself back to reality and ask yourself the tough questions about the relationship. For example:
- Did you disagree on any important topics? What types of arguments did you typically have?
- Did you have major differences that would have made a long-term relationship difficult?
- Were they always respectful and kind, or did they sometimes treat you poorly?
- Were there any red flags that you tried to ignore because you liked them so much?
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Think about what you want in a future relationship. Take this opportunity to truly reflect on the things you desire in a future partner. What are your non-negotiables when it comes to dating? What values and goals do you want your significant other to have? What does the ideal, loving partnership look like to you? [18] X Research source
- Asking yourself these questions will help you get to know yourself better, so that you’ll be prepared and ready when the right person enters your life.
- It’s also a great way to shift your focus to the future, rather than dwelling on your feelings about your past with your ex.
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Talk to a professional. If you’re having a hard time healing on your own, consider seeking out treatment with a licensed therapist or counselor. They can help you work through your emotions and address any symptoms of anxiety or depression you may be having. Remember, you don’t have to go it alone! [19] X Research source
- Ask a trusted friend or family member for a referral if they work with a therapist, or check out online directories to choose the right therapist for you. [20] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
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Be patient—healing takes time. If you feel like it’s taking a long time for you to move on and stop caring about this person, don’t worry. There’s no set rule for how long it takes to get over a rejection or break-up, and the experience is different for anyone. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace as you work on healing. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough! [21] X Research source
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References
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/unrequited-love-meaning
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/unrequited-love-meaning
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/coping-with-the-end-of-a-relationship#tips-to-manage
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-crying-good-for-you-2021030122020
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-new-resilience/202204/why-listening-sad-music-heals-your-broken-heart
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
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- ↑ https://health.ucdavis.edu/blog/cultivating-health/10-health-benefits-of-meditation-and-how-to-focus-on-mindfulness-and-compassion/2022/12
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/9-benefits-of-yoga
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201801/put-your-self-esteem-first-after-breakup
- ↑ https://www.colorado.edu/health/blog/breakup-tips
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-is-unrequited-love
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/depression-after-a-breakup#moving-on
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202112/10-reasons-its-so-hard-move-some-breakups
- ↑ https://www.colorado.edu/health/blog/breakup-tips
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/depression-after-a-breakup#when-to-seek-help
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/finding-good-therapist
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/coping-with-the-end-of-a-relationship
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-is-unrequited-love
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/rumination-a-cycle-of-negative-thinking
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-get-over-a-breakup
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201602/is-why-its-crucial-get-over-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202112/10-reasons-its-so-hard-move-some-breakups
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
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