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Overcoming comparison to become the best version of yourself
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It’s natural to compare yourself to others (and even envy them) if you hop on your social media for a few minutes. With just a few scrolls, you’re bombarded with vacation photos, status updates, and glossy ads. But, it doesn’t mean you have to “keep up” to live a content and meaningful life. In this article, we’ll teach you how to avoid certain triggers so you can stop comparing yourself to others. If your comparative thoughts are dragging you down, keep scrolling to discover some effective coping strategies.
Things You Should Know
- Identify the people or events that prompt your comparative behavior, and write down your negative thoughts so you can limit your exposure to these triggers.
- Make a list of your strengths and accomplishments so you can focus on the positive aspects of your life.
- Set screen time limits for your social media to minimize your comparative thoughts, or mute accounts that make you feel “behind” in life.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
How to Overcome Comparison
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Identify your triggers and avoid them. To stop comparing yourself to others, pay attention to the people or events that prompt your behavior. Do you feel discontent with your life after looking at luxury goods? Is there someone who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself? Write down your comparative thoughts as soon as they happen so you can limit your exposure to these situations (or avoid them altogether). [1] X Research source
- By tracking and acknowledging the way comparison makes you feel, you're more likely to change your negative behavior.
- If you’re struggling to find the cause of your comparative behavior, you can also assess your self-esteem. Do you have a positive opinion about yourself? Do let others greatly impact your mood? If you care a lot about what other people think of you, it may be a sign to work on your happiness and improve your self confidence .
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Write down your positive traits. When you minimize your abilities, it becomes easier to compare yourself to others—you might focus on their strengths and ignore your own completely. To avoid this negative behavior, make a list of your strengths and talents—whether it's being a good listener or having a great sense of style. By acknowledging your best qualities, you can learn to love yourself and boost your self-esteem. [2] X Research source
- To remind yourself of your positive traits, write them down on a sticky note and post it on your bathroom mirror or somewhere you will see every day.
- When you’re feeling down or insecure, repeat the list aloud to fight negative thinking . You could say, “I am genuine. I am a loyal friend. I am an incredible photographer.”
- If you’re having trouble creating a list, ask a trusted friend or family member what they think your best qualities are—they might mention something you never thought of before.
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Keep a gratitude journal. A gratitude journal helps you recognize the things you may take for granted so you can fully appreciate them. To start journaling, reflect on the little things that bring you joy and write down why you’re grateful for them. By acknowledging the positive aspects of your life, you can shift your focus from others to yourself. [3] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- Instead of listing things you're grateful for, explain how they impact your life in detail. For example, if you jog in the park every day, you might express how you’re grateful for your health and how jogging helps you combat stress at work.
- You can also practice gratitude every day by adopting an appreciative and open attitude. Pay attention to the compliments you receive or random gestures of kindness from others, no matter how small they seem.
- Keeping a gratitude journal can increase your chances of overcoming comparison, but you may forget about it if you have a busy schedule. Set a reminder to write at least once a week so you can actively express appreciation.
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Appreciate others instead of envying them. Consider the advantage that others can bring you. If you have friends who are highly achieving people, you might consider that their networks are full of people who might be able to help you become more successful in your life. Instead of envying their success, be supportive and use their success to your advantage. [4] X Research source
- For example, you might look at pictures of athletes to admire their fitness. Instead of feeling inferior and jealous, you can use these as motivation to make changes in your life. You could change your eating habits and get more exercise so you’re using the pictures productively instead of negatively.
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Work on improving your abilities. Instead of focusing on your “weaknesses,” reflect on the areas you can improve. Take classes, workshops, or lessons to hone your skills and techniques, and don’t be afraid to ask other people for help along the way. By prioritizing yourself, you can boost your self-confidence and find your place and value. [5] X Research source
- Remember that perfection is an unproductive thought pattern where one holds an unrealistic ideal as a standard of achievement. Recognize that everyone's circumstances are entirely unique, but you can always work on improving your abilities to make yourself happy.
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Compete against yourself. Instead of comparing your life to other people, use comparison to become an improved version of yourself . Set goals for yourself and try to improve your own personal best. Achieving these goals can help you establish a set of experiences separate from others’ expectations. [6] X Research source
- When you set a goal for yourself, track your progress so that you can see how you are moving toward that goal. That way, you can focus on yourself and not on other people.
- For example, if you’re training for a marathon, run for a longer distance each week until you hit the 26-mile mark, and track how much improvement you see every week. By charting your progress, you can see how far you’ve come and how much further you have to go.
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Judge yourself by your own standards. When you consider your background and current situation, you can reduce the competition you feel towards others because their expectations are not yours. For example, if you’re taking longer to get a graduate degree than some of your friends, think about how you are also working full-time or caring for your elderly parents. [7] X Research source
- Remember that everyone has different levels of privilege that impact their life—whether it’s time, money, or resources. Your journey is unique to you, so be patient as you work toward your goals.
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Decrease your exposure to social media outlets. If you find that idealistic representations in the media are having a negative effect on your self-esteem, take a break from social media . For example, if you always feel “behind” in life after scrolling through Instagram, you can mute certain accounts or disable your account altogether. [8] X Research source
- You can also set screen time limits for social media apps. If you have an iPhone, go to your general settings and hit “Screen Time.” Scroll down and select “App Limits,” then program your app settings to 20-30 minutes a day or every other day.
- When you set time limits for your social media, you can spend more time with your loved ones and learn to appreciate your reality. Gradually reduce your limit even more by setting your screen time to 10 minutes a day (or less).
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Avoid media that shows idealistic images. If you frequently compare yourself to entertainers or influencers, limit your exposure to magazines, TV shows, or movies that feature them. Even temporary exposure to media depicting ideal images has been shown to impact self-esteem and self-image negatively. [9] X Research source
- For example, if you feel bad about your body after seeing photos of a specific model, you can stop reading popular fashion publications or block their profile on social media.
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Use social media in a positive way. While everyone is guilty of mindless scrolling, you can make a conscious effort to control what you consume online. Instead of following accounts that give you FOMO, replace them with educational, informative, or inspirational pages. These accounts can inspire you to become a better version of yourself, boosting your self-esteem and minimizing your comparative behavior. [10] X Research source
- For example, if you want to achieve a better physical condition, you can follow fitness and healthy eating pages. If you want to improve your mind and personality, try following brain and psychology-related accounts.
- Try to view social media as a platform to connect with loved ones, discover small businesses, and support your local community.
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Be kind to yourself. If you’re always comparing yourself to others, you might develop a negative (and inaccurate) image of yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness, support, and concern you’d show to a close friend, and give yourself a mental break if you feel overwhelmed or anxious. [11] X Research source
- Remember to nurture your body as well. Exercise regularly, eat an array of colors, and try to get at least 7 hours of sleep a day.
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Talk to a trusted friend or family member. When you constantly compare yourself to others and internalize these thoughts, you can feel even more inadequate or depressed. Discuss your comparative behavior with a loved one to release any negative beliefs and help you process your emotions—you might be surprised to hear they feel the same way as you. [12] X Research source
- If you don't have a close friend or family member to talk to, seek professional help. You can find a therapist online with services like Better Help or Good Therapy .
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Be your own coach. Think of yourself as your personal coach, pushing you toward excellence. Give love and appreciation for your efforts, but don’t be afraid to take small risks and challenge yourself. By setting attainable goals for yourself, you can raise your self-esteem, instead of lowering it. [13] X Research source
- Even if you don't reach a specific goal, give yourself credit for trying in the first place and focus on how you can move forward.
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Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. When you compare yourself with others, you may start to view yourself negatively. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, tell yourself to change those thoughts into something about yourself that you are proud of.
- For example, if you think someone else is a better writer than you, you might tell yourself, “I may not be the best writer, but I can draw very well. Besides, if I want to improve in writing, I can work towards this goal for myself instead of envying others for their talent."
- Alternatively, distract yourself if you start to go down a comparison spiral. If you feel bad after talking to someone successful, listen to your favorite album or go for a long walk outside.
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Start thinking realistically. Idealistic images in the media cannot always be avoided, so be aware if you're comparing yourself to them. Most people only post the highlights of their lives, so try to remind yourself that you don’t know what’s really happening in their realities. [14] X Research source
- For example, if you envy the perfect relationship that a friend has with her spouse, remember how difficult it was for her to find that partner and the challenges she may have faced. Empathy will replace jealousy.
- If you see someone with the body, car, or life you want, try to think of actions you can take to get yourself closer to these goals and write them down.
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Take control over your own life. Although it can be hard to resist comparing yourself to others, remind yourself that you ultimately create your own reality. If you acknowledge your ability to create the life you desire, you have control over the outcome (so there’s no need to compare your life to others). [15] X Research source
- At the end of the day, you know yourself best, so make decisions for yourself—not for anyone else!
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/social-comparison-theory#the-dangers-of-comparison
- ↑ https://charliewaller.org/mental-health-resources/confidence-and-self-esteem/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal
- ↑ https://welldoing.org/article/how-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others
- ↑ https://cen.acs.org/careers/employment/Jealous-peers-stop-comparing-yourself/96/i46
- ↑ https://welldoing.org/article/how-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others
- ↑ https://welldoing.org/article/how-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201711/the-comparison-trap
- ↑ https://www.heartsempowerment.com/single-post/how-to-stop-comparing-yourself-to-people-on-social-media
- ↑ https://www.heartsempowerment.com/single-post/how-to-stop-comparing-yourself-to-people-on-social-media
- ↑ https://charliewaller.org/mental-health-resources/confidence-and-self-esteem/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201711/the-comparison-trap
- ↑ https://bschool.pepperdine.edu/newsroom/articles/jaclyn-margolis-highlights-advantages-upside-social-comparison-psychology-today.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201711/the-comparison-trap
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201711/the-comparison-trap
- ↑ https://wp.nyu.edu/mind/2021/02/27/why-do-we-compare-ourselves-to-others
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bouncing-back/201508/3-reasons-stop-comparing-yourself-others
About This Article
Article Summary
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Although it can be hard to stop comparing yourself to others, try to resist this outlook and appreciate what you have, instead. To foster a better mindset, jot down some positive memories in a gratitude journal twice a week. Use it as a way to remind yourself of all the things you enjoy and shouldn't take for granted, such as your friends and family. You could also try to replace your comparative thoughts with positive ones that boost your self-confidence by focusing on what you can do. For example, if you are feeling intimidated by someone who is great at writing, remind yourself that you are great at other things. Additionally, keep in mind that you can always improve your writing if you really want to get better at it. For more tips from our co-author, like how to determine why you compare yourself to others, scroll down.
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