This article was written by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure
. Samantha Fox is a Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over a decade of experience, Samantha specializes in relationship, sexuality, identity, and family conflicts. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She holds both a Master’s degree and a Marriage and Family Therapy License. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
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cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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If you’re having dreams about your boyfriend cheating on you with someone else, you might be waking up confused, worried, or even just intrigued. Dreaming about your partner cheating is actually fairly common, but why are you having these dreams in the first place? Do they mean anything deeper? And how do you get them to stop? In this article, we’ll answer all of these questions and more. If you want to know why you’re having these dreams about your boyfriend cheating and how to put an end to them, you’re in the right place.
This article is based on an interview with our marriage and family therapist, Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
What do cheating dreams mean?
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1You're feeling insecure about your relationship. If you aren’t particularly confident in how things are going with your boyfriend, these dreams may reflect the way you feel. If the two of you haven’t been spending a ton of time together, or you’ve been arguing a lot, the uncertainty about your relationship may be spilling over into your dream life. [1] X Research source
- Keep in mind that these feelings may be subconscious. You may be totally confident in your relationship when you’re awake, but deep down kind of nervous about where you stand.
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2You've been cheated on before. If you’ve been a victim of infidelity in the past, you may be having these dreams because you’ve still got some subconscious pain to deal with. If this is the case, working through your problems may put this problem to rest. [2] X Research source
- Seeing a mental health professional and discussing your previous relationships can help you find closure here.
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3You're nervous about being abandoned. If you tend to get worried about being alone, or you get kind of nervous about friends or family not caring about you, a fear of abandonment may be triggering these dreams. If you have anxiety surrounding your boyfriend breaking up with you or disappearing, it might trigger these dreams. [3] X Research sourceEXPERT TIPMarriage & Family TherapistMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Use this dream as a chance to reflect on your current relationship. What's your biggest source of anxiety right now? What areas in your relationship might need attention? As you reflect, don't be afraid to address this dream with your partner if it continues to worry you.
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4There may not be a deeper reason. If you aren’t having any serious problems in your relationship and you don’t actually suspect your boyfriend of cheating, your dreams probably don't mean anything at all! It's normal to have bad dreams sometimes, and they don't always mean something is wrong. [4] X Research source
How to Stop Having Dreams About Your Boyfriend Cheating
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1Reduce your daily stress. If you’re dealing with a huge amount of stress in your daily life, it’s going to spill over into your dream life. You can’t necessarily control the content of your dreams, but you can definitely influence the tone and energy of your dreams by relaxing. Do your best to destress every day and engage in calming and relaxing activities whenever you get home from work or school. [5] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source You might:
- Meditate for at least 15 minutes every day. There’s a ton of evidence that meditating can improve your overall physical and emotional health while helping you relax. [6] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Exercise daily. Not only will regular exercise help you regulate your feelings and reduce stress, but it will improve your daily mood as well! [7] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Engage in some self-care. Go for a professional massage, throw on some tunes and take a long walk, or take a long bubble bath. Whatever puts you at ease counts! [8] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- Go to bed so that you get at least 8 hours of sleep a night. You might be skipping out on sleep if you’re having scary dreams like this, but do your best to rest. Your daily life will be so much calmer. [9] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
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2Focus on your work, school, or hobbies. Dedicate your attention elsewhere and you may just stop having these dreams. Daydream about a vacation you’ve been looking forward to, pour your energy into work, or spend a few nights getting ahead on your schoolwork. If you just stop thinking about the dreams, you may stop having them. [10] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.- The trick here though is to actually invest in what you do throughout the day. If you just try to distract yourself but in the back of your mind you’re still thinking about these dreams, you might be more likely to have these dreams again. [11] X Research source
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3Read a good book before going to bed. People have a tendency to dream about whatever they’re thinking about right before bed. Pick a book that will hold your attention and read right before bed. You could also listen to an audiobook. Not only will you get your daily reading in, but you may just dream about the plot of the book instead of your boyfriend. [12] X Research source
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4Try journaling about your day without mentioning your boyfriend. At the end of the day, break out the pen and paper and write about your day. Do a little self-reflecting, or simply let your mind wander a bit as you write about how you’re feeling. Try to focus on the non-romantic experiences of the day. This will give you more to think about and help you settle your thoughts before bed. [13] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.- Even if you do have a negative dream about something bad that happened during your day, it may be less likely to be about your boyfriend cheating.
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5Reminisce over fond memories you have with your boyfriend. If there’s a possibility you’re going to dream about your boyfriend, why not make the dream positive? As you’re lying in bed, think back to a favorite memory you have with your boyfriend. It could be a romantic date, a memorable late-night conversation, or even the first time you met. [14] X Research source
- By focusing on positive memories, you’ll be more likely to have happy dreams about him.
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6Investigate any genuine cheating suspicions if you actually have them. If you actually think your boyfriend is cheating, getting to the bottom of it should put these dreams to rest. [15] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021. Start by reflecting on the evidence. Has he been hiding his phone from you? Has he changed their behavior or appearance recently? Is he disappearing for a time or failing to engage with you? [16] X Research source- If there is evidence that he’s cheating on you, confront him directly or keep your eyes out for more substantial evidence in case there’s a chance he’s not cheating on you.
- If there’s no actual indication that your boyfriend is cheating, you may just be nervous about the state of the relationship.
- Sit down and talk to your boyfriend about this—whether there is or isn’t any evidence they’re cheating. They may be able to alleviate the fears you have about what’s going in the relationship.
Expert Q&A
Tips
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References
- ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/dreams/how-trauma-can-affect-dreams
- ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/dreams/how-trauma-can-affect-dreams
- ↑ https://amerisleep.com/blog/stuff-dreams-made/?sscid=31k6_ezi37&affiliateID=314743
- ↑ https://amerisleep.com/blog/stuff-dreams-made/?sscid=31k6_ezi37&affiliateID=314743
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/stress-dreams-why-do-we-have-them-and-how-to-stop/
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/meditation/in-depth/meditation/art-20045858
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/7-ways-to-reduce-stress-and-keep-blood-pressure-down
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/7-ways-to-reduce-stress-and-keep-blood-pressure-down
- ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-mishaps/201505/how-stop-thinking-about-someone
- ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-control-dreams/
- ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mental-mishaps/201505/how-stop-thinking-about-someone
- ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating