The Taxi Cab Dating Theory: What Is It, And Is It Right About Men?

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Learn more about the cab light theory of romance and marriage
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Is it really love at first sight, or did he just decide that he’s finally ready to settle down? That’s the question the Taxi Cab Theory, which started in the TV show Sex and the City , tries to answer. It says that guys fall for the first girl they meet, but only once they’ve decided they’re ready for commitment. We’ll tell you more about the theory, where it started, and if it’s true, as well as offer valuable dating advice so you don’t find yourself settling for someone who's not right for you.

Taxi Cab Theory: Quick Overview

The Taxi Cab Theory states that men tend to settle down with the first girl they date once they decide they want a committed relationship. It’s a little oversimplified and not entirely accurate, but it’s become a popular way to try and explain how dating works.

Section 1 of 4:

What is the Taxi Cab Theory?

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  1. It’s a theory that’s recently picked up steam on TikTok and other social media. In a nutshell, it’s the idea that one day, guys just wake up and decide it’s time to get serious about marriage. Once that happens, they tend to settle down with the first woman they happen to date. [1]
    • The point of the theory is that who a man marries is more up to chance than actual love, and that it’s nobody’s fault when a relationship fails—it’s just how men are, supposedly, and it wasn’t the right time.
    • It also says that a man could meet the perfect woman and still not marry her, because he’s just not ready to commit.
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Section 2 of 4:

Where did Taxi Cab Theory start?

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  1. In the show, the character Miranda Hobbes says, “Men are like cabs. When they’re available, their light goes on. They awake one day and decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. Next woman they pick up, boom! That’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck.” [2]
    • The line was said in season 3, episode 3, which aired in July 2000.
Section 3 of 4:

Is Taxi Cab Theory true?

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  1. It’s not that one day a lightbulb goes off in a guy’s head and he falls for the first woman he meets. A man deciding he’s ready to commit is a major factor, but it’s just one of many other factors, like emotional maturity, attraction, financial stability, having a support network, and of course, finding a compatible partner. [3]
    • This all means that guys don’t wake up one day ready to commit to just anyone. Instead, their lives often reach a healthy place where commitment is possible. Then they might start looking.
  2. If you’ve ever played the dating game, and if you’ve ever been dumped, you probably already know that romance takes more than luck. Men can be frustrating, but they have their own dating criteria and goals, and things they’re looking for in a partner. [4] Men are people, too!
    • Licensed therapist Charity Danker reminds us that men have their own needs and wants, like sexual satisfaction, independence, and feeling wanted.
    • Also, if the theory were totally true, you’d have guys getting down on one knee and popping the question on the first or second date. That doesn’t usually happen, does it?
  3. The whole theory kind of leans on unfair stereotypes: men are simple and single-minded, while women are complicated and helpless. But dating is a two-way street, and it takes effort and care from both people to create a successful relationship. You don’t just trip and fall your way into a marriage; you build one, piece by piece. [5] Luck helps, but it doesn’t really have the final say. Not always, at least.
    • Plus, lots of men don’t think they’re ready to commit until they find a person who makes them realize that, yes, they actually do want to settle down with this person.
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Section 4 of 4:

Finding Someone Who’s Ready to Commit

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  1. Before you even go on that first date , make a list of what you’re looking for, and what your ideal romance looks like. Do you want kids? Do you want to eventually live together? How does your career factor in? What kind of boundaries do you want? [6] Figuring these out gives you a handy compass that points you in the right direction.
    • You don’t need to know or plan every detail, but it helps to have some sort of idea.
    • At the same time, keep an open mind. You might not know you want something until a romantic partner comes along who can offer it!
  2. That’s what dates are for: getting to know the other person, who they are, where they come from, and where they’re going. [7] In the first 2 or 3 dates, try to have these discussions about what you’re looking for. That way, you won’t find yourself 4 years into a relationship wondering where you went wrong.
    • And if your date doesn’t want to have these conversations, then they’re probably not ready for commitment the same way you are.
  3. Taking it slow helps make sure that you’re both making a careful, informed choice on your romance. It also gives you the opportunity to open up to and grow fond of someone you might not have been totally wild about on the first couple dates. [8] As the old saying go, only fools rush in, and rushing it is a great way to end up with the wrong guy.
    • At the same time, don’t be afraid to break things off if the chemistry just isn’t there. Forcing a relationship doesn’t do anyone any favors, and only makes it take longer to find the right person.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.hercampus.com/school/casper-libero/is-the-taxi-theory-from-sex-and-the-city-correct/
      2. ↑ https://www.cosmo.ph/relationships/taxi-cab-theory-explanation-a6906-20240612
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight/201404/how-to-end-up-with-the-right-partner
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/relationships/how-people-find-love#how-we-commit
      5. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/4-things-that-make-a-relationship-healthy-or-unhealthy/
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.htm
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201410/the-first-date
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm

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