How to Tell a Friend You Love Them Platonically

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You often hear about “rules” for when and how to say “I love you” in romantic relationships, but how do you say that to a friend? Moreover, how do you make sure your friend knows you love them in a strictly platonic way? Especially if you and your friend don’t talk about feelings a lot, it might feel awkward to jump in there and say “I love you” (though if that’s your style, do it!). In either case, we’ve got you covered with our top list of ways to let them know how much you love them while keeping things genuine and comfortable.

1

Add a casual nickname.

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  1. [1] While it’s perfectly fine to just say “I love you,” you can add a word like “girl,” “bro,” or “dude” if that makes you feel more comfortable. If you have a silly shared inside joke or nickname, feel free to add that, too. After all, nicknames are signs of admiration and affection. [2]
    • “I love you, girl!”
    • “Dude, I love you.”
    • “Hey, Smarty Pants! I love you.”
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2

Abbreviate “I love you.”

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  1. Take down the intensity of “I love you” by shortening the phrase a little. It might feel more natural to say in conversation, and you still get to express how you feel. [3]
    • Say “Love you!” as you leave after hanging out.
    • Text “ILY” or “I luv u!” or “Love u!” or “Love ya!”
3

Add the word "friend" into the conversation.

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  1. Just saying “I love you” can feel a little intense, and you might be worried about it sounding romantic. To keep things platonic and set a boundary, pair your heartfelt statement with a nice comment about what their friendship means to you. [4]
    • “I love you, Kendra! Your friendship means so much to me. I wouldn’t have gotten through Ms. Mack’s algebra class without you.”
    • “You are such a good friend, Danny. I love you!”
    • “I’m so glad we became friends. I love you.”
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4

Just say “I love you.”

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  1. If you’re concerned about keeping things platonic, just pick a neutral moment to say it. For instance, if you’re worried about coming off too romantically, you might want to avoid saying it while staring deeply into their eyes under the stars, while slow dancing, or while watching the sunset on the beach. Here are some examples of platonic situations where saying “I love you” is definitely appropriate:
    • Your friend is leaving for a trip or a long drive.
    • Your friend is sharing a major life milestone or achievement with you (ex. graduation, becoming a parent, getting a job).
    • You haven’t seen your friend in a while.
    • You’re thanking your friend for doing something for you (ex. bringing you a snack, giving you a ride, picking you up from the airport).
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Professional Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Professional Therapist

    Clearly convey platonic intentions through tone and body language. To express platonic love clearly, be direct but your tone, body language and when you say it can convey it's not romantic. Be ready for misunderstandings and be open to discussing your intentions if needed.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I in Love with My Best Friend?

Are you starting to wonder whether your feelings for your best friend are strictly platonic? Maybe you think about them all the time or get butterflies in your stomach when they’re around; either way, it feels like there’s something more to your relationship with them. If you’re ready to figure out how you feel about your bestie (and how to deal with those feelings), take our quiz below.
1 of 12

Do you try to look nice when you know you’ll be seeing your bestie?

5

Send a picture via text.

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  1. Since it’s tough to judge tone over text, keep it light and platonic with something a little over-the-top or silly. Bonus points if you pick a GIF with a reference to a show or character/celebrity you both like. For heart emoji fans, opt for a non-traditional color like blue, green, or yellow to play it safe, and red or pink if you’re all about spreading the love and want to shout your love for your friend from the rooftops. [5]
    • Find a GIF of cute animals being friends and send it with an “I love you” text.
    • Pick a GIF that has “I love you” for a caption.
    • Send “I love you” and pair it with an animal emoji or random emoji to keep things from seeming flirty or romantic. Feel free to send a kissy face emoji or heart emoji if you’re not worried about it being misinterpreted.
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6

Let them know they’re like family to you.

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  1. Include them in your “fam” by expressing that you love them and letting them know they're a part of your chosen family. [6] Talk about your shared history together and the ways they’ve supported you over time. Use familial language to set boundaries, too, and clarify that your relationship is platonic.
    • “I love you, fam. You’ve really been there for me in some tough moments.”
    • “You’re like family to me, I love you.”
7

Describe the impact they’ve had on your life.

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  1. Indirectly let them know you appreciate them by telling them exactly how their presence has mattered in your life. Choose to add the phrase “I love you” if it feels right, but if you don’t add it, this is still a great way to express deep appreciation. [7]
    • “I don’t know that any other teammate has had as big of an impact on my life as you have. Your friendship has made me a stronger, more compassionate person.”
    • “Because you’ve been my friend and supported me, I felt really loved this past year, even though it was really tough for me.”
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8

Explain why you admire them.

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  1. Which of their qualities do you aspire to have? What have you seen them do that’s inspired, moved, or transformed you? [8]
    • “Micah, I hear about the way that you care for your patients, and your selflessness inspires me to try and help others.”
    • “I really admire how you’ve worked your way up to floor manager. You’ve got a killer work ethic.”
    • “One day, I hope I’ll be as good of a surfer as you. You’re my inspiration.”
9

Perform small acts of kindness.

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  1. Surprise your friend by offering them a ride, bringing them a meal, or doing a task they don’t like doing. Either do the task by yourself, or help them tackle it so that it becomes a team event. Giving your time and energy can be one of the best ways to say “I love you"–especially if you're not super comfortable expressing that verbally. [9]
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10

Support them through the good and bad.

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  1. Even if they’re not currently struggling, it’s okay to show them you love them by telling them what a rockstar they are! Describe how they've succeeded in the past and the qualities that you know will make them successful. [10]
    • "I really believe in you and I know you're going to crush this event because you're so fast."
    • "I'm here for you, and I know you'll get through this. You're so tough!"
11

Give thoughtful compliments.

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  1. Add “I love you” if it feels right, or just let your little statements of appreciation express how much you love them. Worried about coming on too strong? Chances are, your friend will appreciate whatever nice thing you say. But if you’re still worried, just avoid compliments about their appearance to dodge the romantic atmosphere. [11]
    • “You’re always the life of the party.”
    • “I love your outfit today. But I also love you.”
    • “You’re an incredible singer.”
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12

Clarify what you mean if they take it the wrong way.

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  1. If your friend misinterprets your platonic "I love you" as romantic, it can be a little awkward. They might feel uncomfortable, or they might actually have feelings for you and get their hopes up. If they're just uncomfortable with the sentiment, let them know your feelings are platonic and move the conversation along. If your friend has feelings for you , be gentle and kind as you explain that you don't feel the same way.
    • "Hey, I meant that in a friendly way."
    • "I really care about you, but I meant what I said in a platonic way."
    • "I think you're amazing. I only see you as a friend, though."


Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I make sure my friend knows I care about them in a platonic way, and what should I do if they get the wrong idea?
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Professional Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Professional Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Expressing care for a friend is great, but you've got to be thoughtful in how you show it so they don't misread your intentions. Pay attention to your body language, tone of voice, and when you say caring things to avoid confusion. If it seems like they aren't getting that your care is just friendly, don't panic. It's on them to understand you, but if there's awkwardness, address it openly. Explain you value their friendship. Overthinking platonic affection just hurts relationships, so embrace that it's a meaningful part of bonds.
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/news/a11159/why-guys-call-girls-dude/
      2. ↑ https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/why-do-we-use-pet-names-in-relationships/
      3. ↑ https://licensedmentalhealthcounselor.org/2014/10/23/i-love-you-versus-love-you-is-there-a-difference/
      4. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YU6h11lOL10&t=129s
      5. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28635219/heart-emoji-meanings/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/being-unlonely/201906/finding-connection-through-chosen-family
      7. ↑ https://msw.usc.edu/mswusc-blog/60-ways-show-someone-you-care/
      8. ↑ https://msw.usc.edu/mswusc-blog/60-ways-show-someone-you-care/
      9. ↑ https://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/6-unusual-and-powerful-ways-to-show-gratitude.html
      1. ↑ https://msw.usc.edu/mswusc-blog/60-ways-show-someone-you-care/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment

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