Download Article
Download Article
One of the hardest things to do when growing up is tell a girl your feelings. Unfortunately, it sometimes doesn't get any easier. While telling a girl your feelings is tough when you are shy, you should always remember that she can't read minds, and you'll have to make a move sooner or later.
Steps
-
Spend time thinking about your own feelings. What about this girl attracts you? Why do you feel the way you do? What are your feelings for this girl -- romantic, friendly, confused? Take some time to think about what you want out of your relationship so you can have a clearer idea of what to so. [1] X Research source
- It can help to write down your feelings, potentially as a letter to her. You don't have to send it, but writing down your feelings can help you get a handle on them.
-
Take some time to get to know her. Find out some things you have in common, and things you don't. Things you agree about, and things you don't. You and her could end up liking the same thing, and not even have had the slightest clue because she's been hiding it so well.
- If you don't talk often, try and get her to initiate conversation. Hang out with her and her friends, sit next to her at class, and put yourself in a place to chat.
- Reader Poll: We asked 630 wikiHow readers how they would approach an introverted person to show you’re interested, and 74% said they would get to know them as a friend first. [Take Poll]
Advertisement -
Prepare what you want to say. Think about your feelings and find a way to say them. You might write down a few lines, get together a quick "practice line," or rehearse the conversation in the mirror.
- "I think you're great, and would love a chance to get to know you more."
- "I really enjoy our friendship, and I was hoping we could go on a date or two to see where things go."
- "Let's go out on a date sometime."
-
Don't rely too much on canned lines. Preparation aside, you have to be ready to improvise when the actual conversation starts. This can be difficult if you are naturally shy, so don't try and overdo it. Say what you want to say quickly, then let her talk from there. Your response doesn't have to be planned, and it will come off more naturally if it is not.
Advertisement
-
Pick a time and place you are comfortable in. Make this as easy on yourself as possible by making yourself feel good. Pick a spot that you know well to ease any nervousness or talkative. Good spots generally have few people, are quiet, and are easy to get to naturally. Don't make a big spectacle by asking her to follow you to a romantic spot. A quiet hallway or corner after school is just as good a spot to talk about your feelings as any other. [2] X Research source
-
Find some humor in the situation. If you still feel shy around her, use a bit of humor to lighten the mood. Say something like, "Things were a lot less awkward between us before I inserted a size 12 foot in my mouth." Show that you don't take yourself too seriously and she will feel relaxed as well. [3] X Research source
- If you aren't naturally funny, that is okay too. Finding humor in a situation is more about finding the best side of yourself, even when things get awkward.
-
Go ahead and say it. The great secret to getting over shyness is just coming out and saying what you feel. It is not easy, but it is the only way to do it. Keep it short and to the point. "I really like you, and I'd love to go out on a date sometime," is all you need to say. Some tricks to get it all out include:
- Count to 3 in your head-- when you get to zero, you have to say it.
- Avoid chit-chatting beforehand. Say hello, ask how she is doing, then launch right in.
-
Be honest. If she is going to ditch you because of a little initial awkwardness, is she really that worth being with? Quickly admitting that you feel nervous may be the best way to break the ice, and she will appreciate your honesty. What you are telling her is that you like her so much you feel shy saying it -- that kind of honesty and vulnerability is going to go a long way. Lines to try include: [4] X Research source
- "I'm a bit nervous to say this, but..."
- "I know I seem kind of awkward, but I want you to know how I feel."
-
Prepare yourself for rejection. If she says she doesn't like you back, it's no big deal. Just ask if you can still be friends, and act cool. And don't be mean to her just because she rejects you. It's her choice, after all. And you may have just been chasing after the wrong girl. [5] X Research source
Advertisement
-
Ask her on a "casual date" with other friends or a group of people. This is usually a good way to gauge your relationship without the pressure of an intimate date. If you're having a get together with friends or going out to a club, ask her along or have a friend invite her. This way you can see each other in a social setting. [6] X Research source
- Does she spend time with you? Do you have fun together?
-
Be yourself, even if you are shy. Trying to fake someone into liking you is a sure-fire way to start a failing relationship. You have to have confidence in who you are. If she doesn't like that, then you would not have made a very happy couple anyway. Feel more confident by focusing less on yourself and more on her. [7] X Research sourceEXPERT TIPRelationship CoachImad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.
Our Expert Agrees: Before you even get into a relationship, you need to be comfortable enough to tell each other who you are as a person. If you try to cover up things about yourself, it will seem like you're changing when you start to express yourself later in the relationship. It can also be really mentally draining because you're not able to be your true, genuine self.
-
Ask a mutual friend for advice. Someone on the outside can give you valuable perspective on her feelings for you, and give some advice on how to proceed. Find a friend you trust and confide in them to see how they see things. Do they think you would make a good couple? Do they think the feelings are mutual? How would they talk to her about your feelings?
- This can be a "practice round," helping you sort out your feelings.
-
Note her body language around you. Does she make eye contact, hug or touch you, lean in when you talk, or sit next to you whenever possible? These are all good signs that she may have similar feelings.
- Closing her body off by folding her arms, avoiding eye-contact, or making excuses not to talk are often signs that she is not interested.
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Tips
- Don't be afraid. It is perfectly normal to express your feelings.Thanks
- She's just as nervous as you, don't think you're the only one that feels awkward. Try to make her as comfortable as possible when you approach her.Thanks
- Just be ready for anything then take a breath and approach her with a smile!Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a45986/how-shy-guys-talk-to-girls/
- ↑ https://shynesssocialanxiety.com/girlfriend-shy/
- ↑ http://thescienceexplorer.com/brain-and-body/humor-gets-girl
- ↑ https://www.fluentin3months.com/shy-solution/
- ↑ https://www.fluentin3months.com/shy-solution/
- ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/stop-hanging-out-with-women-and-start-dating-them/
- ↑ https://www.fluentin3months.com/shy-solution/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
If you want to tell a girl how you feel but you're feeling shy, try preparing what you want to say in advance. For example, say something like, “I really enjoy our friendship, and I was hoping we could go on a date or two to see where things go.” When you’re ready to tell her how you feel, wait for a time when you’re relaxed and alone, like walking from school or a quiet hallway. If you feel nervous and can’t get the words out, take a deep breath, count to 5, and say the words you prepared. Don’t worry if she says no, since you can still have fun as friends. For more tips, including how to work out if a girl likes you, read on!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 465,537 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "This is very helpful, around "That special girl" I can't talk, like in one class we sit at the same table and that is helpful for me getting close to her but I just cant seem to know what to say. But this definitely helped because now I know what to say, so thank you." ..." more
Advertisement
100%
of readers found this article helpful
.
Click a star to add your vote
% of people told us that this article helped them.
"This is very helpful, around "That special girl" I can't talk, like in one class we sit at the same table and that is helpful for me getting close to her but I just cant seem to know what to say. But this definitely helped because now I know what to say, so thank you."
..."
more
"Everything helped, really. I'm an extremely hesitant guy, and I stutter constantly, especially around girls. The fact that you stated to get everything prepared and get practice really helped. Thanks."
..."
more
"I'm too scared and I don't know what to say. I've never asked a girl out before, and this helped me a lot. Thank you."
..."
more
"It helped when it said I'm not the only one who's shy, she is also shy like me so I must just tell her how I feel."
..."
more
"I'm going to ask my crush tomorrow, and I am prepared now. Remember to ask advice from friends."
