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At school, there is always that guy you like, but there's a problem; he already has a girlfriend whom he has been dating for a while. There is a gentle and considered approach to telling him your feelings without ruining his relationship.
Steps
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Sort out your feelings for him. Do you only like him because he is taken, or do you genuinely like him? Do you think it would change anything if you told him how you feel about him?
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Ask yourself how well you know each other. How well do you get along? Try to find reasons as to why you like him so much. You need to understand your feelings, to allow you to make the correct decision and to be able to express them in a confident way.Advertisement
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Spend more time getting to know him before making up your mind. Follow the next section before deciding that it's okay to tell him your true feelings. By spending more time with him, you'll get to know him better, he'll grow to trust you more and maybe, just maybe, he might see things differently too.
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Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: Does He Like Me?
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Consider spending more time around him even if he has his girlfriend by his side. Show interest in his social life and hang around with friends he hangs around with. This shows a guy that you are confident enough to spend break times with his own friends at times in an outgoing manner.
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Try to use social media in order to communicate with him whilst his girlfriend is not around. It is uncomfortable to speak to a guy you really like in front of his girlfriend who might easily realize your interest in her guy and become jealous. Start a conversation on Facebook to get around this. For instance, while he is online, ask him simple questions like how he's doing and how did he do in an exam.
- Go for questions like, "what's your favourite food?" or "what movies do you like most?". This helps you learn more about him and in doing so, you keep your conversation going while also showing him you care.
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Talk as much as possible. If your conversations are a bit stuck in the same discourse, then try to find ways to make them interesting. Don't always start the conversation with "hey" or "hi there". Instead, find out what his favorite subject is and try to find a picture, a joke or a quote which is related to that. Then you can pass it on, with an excuse that "you might like this" or that "this reminded me of you". This shows a guy that you remember what he tells you.
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Ask about his relationship — with care. If it seems appropriate, try to offer advice in case of some ups and downs that they may be having. Even if you actually think of hitting her in the face often for having the guy you are crazy about, showing interest in their relationship gets him to trust you with his personal issues while it also acts as a key to discovering what he likes and what he doesn't like in his relationship.
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Reflect on your feelings again. After doing all of this, some time should have passed by and by then you can figure out if what you feel towards him is a strong feeling or just something temporary. If you notice that these are recurring feelings which are only becoming stronger by time; it's time to face the music and let him know how you feel. The main question is how ?!
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Pluck up the courage. If you've decided that it's worth telling him, then it's time to give it a try. You must be confident with yourself and with what you feel in order to express yourself correctly and clearly. Do not hesitate or fear that you will end up being rejected. On the bright side, if that happens you would have figured out what he truly feels towards you and can hence, move on without thinking what could have been.
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Decide how to tell him. The best way to tell him is face to face; however, with his girlfriend around, that might not always be ideal. So a text message or a message via Facebook can help you get what you want to tell him across.
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Be honest. When you are dealing with feelings, honesty really is the best policy. Don't lie to him about it, just come right out and tell him.
- Be considerate. Your crush has a girlfriend. Remember that she has feelings too. If you're friends with her, tell her too. You don't want to ruin your friendship with her.
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Start by talking to him in a normal way. Then include something like, "I was wondering the other day and I have something to tell you...". When he responds "yeah go on, I'm listening", tell him the truth. Don't talk in a very hyperbolic way because it might scare him. Let him know that you are aware about his girlfriend but still you wanted to let him know even if nothing will change after this moment, at least you confronted him with confidence.
- Say something like "We've been speaking for the past few weeks/months now and I have gotten to know more about you. Honestly, the thing is, I like you, I really do. And I know that you have a girlfriend but still I wanted you to know."
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See how he responds. This will determine the type of response that you give to him.
- If it's just an "okay" or "thanks", say: "I'm relieved now that I told you" .
- If he answers back in a long paragraph with the fact that he has a girlfriend and other excuses, just say "It's okay, I wanted to be honest and I understand that you have a girlfriend. I'm okay with that".
- If you get the answer you've been hoping for "I like you too", just go ahead and carry on your conversation to see how things can unfold between you.
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Be prepared. If he already has a girlfriend, then you're likely to be rejected. Don't take it personally and remember that if he said he would break up with his girlfriend for you, then consider whether he's the type of guy you would want to be with. If that happens, then get over him.
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Let go. Letting him know how you feel sets peace to your mind because no matter what the answer might be, you'll know you would have let him know whatever you wanted him to know. However, never force him into liking you or into leaving his girlfriend for you. After all, you definitely rather be his first choice rather than his second !
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you tell if a guy is just being friendly or flirting?Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.”We always know when someone's flirting with us just by their tone. It's complimentary, filled with humor and, you know, lighthearted. If you're comfortable, respond in kind!
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QuestionWell I know that he has a girlfriend but what if you can't get over himEmily Berger1Community AnswerGive yourself some time and separate yourself from him to give yourself a real chance to move on. It may not happen immediately, but by not talking to him and focusing on yourself, you'll begin to get over him.
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Questionwhat if the girlfriend is your worst enemy and he doesn't know that she is a mean person because my crush just moved her a 2 months ago so he doesn't really know her what do i do?Emily Berger1Community AnswerIf she truly is a mean person, your crush will eventually realize this for himself. Avoid interfering in their relationship and just focus on being a good friend to him.
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Tips
- Remember to not feel sad if you are rejected, everything happens for a reason. Always keep a beautiful smile on your face because you'll never know who might be falling in love with it!Thanks
- Find a means to show you're still interested in him if he does not reciprocate the emotions; you might be surprised about how he might come to like you more or about what close friends you may become.Thanks
- If he admits he likes you and you start going out together, make sure that things are settled between him and his ex. Never rush him into anything.Thanks
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Warnings
- If you tell him that you like him he might spread it around and people could make fun of you because you like him.Thanks
- Watch out! If he tells you he likes you and flirts with you and is still dating that girl, he could be a player and not the type of guy you want to be with!Thanks
- If you're good friends with his girlfriend, liking him might ruin your friendship with her.Thanks
- Don't go crazy over one guy. Your life will move on with or without him.Thanks
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About This Article
Article Summary
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It can be tough to confess you have a crush, so before you go through that, make sure that you really know how you feel. Ask yourself what it is you like about him and how well you really know him. If you still have strong feelings, go talk to him! Make sure to be honest about how you feel, but don't expect anything in return. If he brings up his girlfriend, say something like "I know and that's okay. I just wanted to be honest." He may want to stay with his girlfriend, and that's okay. If it doesn't work out, try to focus on the fact that you were honest with him. If you want to learn more, like how to let go if he doesn't respond well, keep reading the article!
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