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The must-know facts to learn about your S.O.
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This article was co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden
. Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.
There are 17 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 26,536 times.
Even if you think you know your partner well, there are probably still a few surprises that lie ahead. No matter if you’ve been dating for just a few months or have been together for years, there are always new things you two can learn about each other to strengthen your connection. If you’re ready to build intimacy and bond with your partner, keep reading: we’ll give you the 21 top things you should know about your partner to bring you two even closer.
Steps
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Your partner’s love language tells you how to show love to them. Everyone has a love language, even you! Your love language represents how you give and receive love. There are 5 love languages in total: physical touch, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and words of affirmation. [1] X Research source You and your partner don’t need to have the same love languages, but it helps to know which one you both have. That way, you can cater to your partner’s needs and show love in a way that they’ll receive it.
- Want to find out your love language? Take the love language quiz to find out, then talk about the results with your partner.
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Get on the same page about the future for peace of mind. In newer relationships, it’s common to not talk about what the end goal for the relationship is. But discussing this with your partner now can save you a lot of confusion later on, especially if you two aren’t on the same page. Ask your partner if they see you two getting married one day or if this is more of a casual situation. [2] X Research source
- Defining your relationship might sound scary, but you’ll be glad you did it! Ask your partner something like, “So, where do you see this relationship going?”
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Learn how your partner unwinds so you can help them decompress. Picture this: your partner comes home after a long, stressful day, and you can tell they need to take a load off. But when you rack your brain for some way to help them out, you can’t think of anything! It’s important to know what helps your partner calm down and loosen up so you can be a source of comfort for them during stressful times. [3] X Trustworthy Source Mind U.K.-based mental health charity focused on providing advice and resources to anyone facing mental health problems. Go to source
- For instance, some people may want to cuddle and watch a movie to unwind, while others may prefer to have some alone time.
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Discover your partner’s hobbies to spend more time together. Finding out what your partner does for fun is pretty easy, but it’s an important part of getting to know each other. Once you learn what your partner’s favorite hobbies are, you can find ones that overlap (or discover new ones) that you two can bond over with each other. [4] X Research source
- Maybe your partner loves to cook, and you like to bake: dinner and dessert, anyone?
- Or, maybe you love hiking and your partner loves running—time for a trail run!
- Love grows by sharing experiences together. The more you and your partner can connect through activities, the better your relationship will be.
Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: Are My Partner and I Compatible?
Do you ever wonder just how good a match you and your partner are? If you’ve recently started dating someone, are you curious about how much potential you have as a couple? It’s hard to measure compatibility (there’s no “formula” for it, after all), but taking a look at many aspects of a relationship can reveal where you and your partner are in sync and where you might experience conflicts. Our comprehensive quiz can help you do just that—and determine your overall compatibility.
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Are you and your partner more emotional or more logical?
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Find out how you can support your partner in the workplace. Not everyone has a major career goal. But if your partner does, it’s important to ask them about it. Not only will you learn more about what the future holds for them, but you can find out if their goals align with yours. [5] X Research source
- For instance, if your partner wants to go to law school and become a lawyer but you’re set on traveling the world for a few years, you may have to compromise with each other.
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Learning your partner’s allergies is a practicality that can’t be overlooked. While it might sound like a boring question, figuring out what your partner is allergic to is key to keeping them safe and healthy. Take note of any food allergies, pet allergies, or seasonal allergies they may have as you plan dates and think about your future together. [6] X Research source
- Along the same lines, make sure you know about any major health issues your partner has. Chronic things like asthma and diabetes are important to learn about early on.
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Discover their other close relationships to learn more about them. Is your partner close with their parents or their siblings? Who is your partner’s best friend? If you’re in a newer relationship, you likely haven’t met friends or family yet—but you will one day! It’s good to know what kind of relationship your partner has with their loved ones so you can prepare for the big day. [7] X Research source
- If there’s any tension or strained relationships, ask your partner about those ahead of time. That way, you can tread those waters carefully and with sensitivity.
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Faith is important to some people, so ask your partner about theirs. If your partner subscribes to a specific religion, you might know about it already. But even if they don’t, you can learn more about how spiritual they are or what kind of higher power they believe in (or don’t believe in).
- You and your partner don’t have to be of the same faith—there are plenty of interfaith couples who make it work with consistent communication and respect. [8] X Research source
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Someone’s politics shows you where their values are. Even if you’re not a political person, you likely have opinions about politics, laws, or people in office. Talk to your partner about their political opinions to see whether or not they align. You don’t have to agree about everything, but if your views are wildly different, it’s good to know early on. [9] X Research source
- Similar to religion, you and your partner can have different political viewpoints and still make things work. However, it’s going to take a lot of good communication and respect from both sides.
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Learn what to celebrate together as a couple. Maybe your partner doesn’t love celebrating their birthday, but they really like to decorate for Christmas. Or, maybe the major holidays aren’t that important to them, but they love St. Patrick’s Day. Discovering what’s important to your partner helps you plan ahead and make those moments feel special.
- Make sure your partner knows which days are important to you, too! If they don’t like their birthday but you love celebrating yours, tell them how special it is so they know to plan something.
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Look toward the future by learning your partner's definition of family. Some people want the traditional family life: 2 parents, 2 kids, and a dog. Other people have a different idea—their family might be you two as partners living on a farm with no kids, or traveling around the world together indefinitely. Ask your partner what their ideal family life looks like so you two can talk about your goals. [10] X Research source
- Deciding whether or not to have kids is another discussion you could have with your partner when it comes to future planning.
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Talk about money so there are no surprises down the line. While discussing finances with your partner isn’t the most fun subject in the world, it’s important to chat about your spending habits and any debt that you’re in. That way, if you two do end up getting married, you won’t have to find out the hard way how much money your spouse owes on student loans or credit cards. [11] X Research source
- Bring up the subject in a delicate way. Say something like, “I know this is a little weird, but I wanted to talk finances with you. I have about $5,000 of debt. What about you?”
- This is especially important if you want to get married or have children in the future.
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Daily routines tell you whether or not you two will mesh together. It’s not a huge deal if you don’t know your partner’s routine early on, especially if you aren’t living together. But learning about your partner’s habits and what they do every day can tell you if you two are compatible in the long run. [12] X Research source
- For instance, maybe you’re a night owl and your partner is a morning person. This isn’t a huge deal, but it could require some compromise down the line (like when you want to stay up late and hang out but your partner would rather be snoozing).
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Talking about sex helps you both keep each other satisfied. Whether you’re saving sex for marriage or you two are already having sex, it’s important to talk about sexual intimacy together. Ask your partner what kind of sex they like or their favorite positions. You might just learn something new! [13] X Research source
- Bring up sex in a casual setting that doesn’t put any pressure on your partner. Say something like, “Is there anything you’ve been wanting to try in the bedroom?”
- Being able to communicate about sex is a great indicator that you and your partner are compatible.
- Remember, you can always say no to your partner’s requests if you aren’t comfortable with them (and vice versa).
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Find out what your partner is grateful for to learn their values. When you ask someone what they’re most grateful for, their answer can tell you a lot. If they’re grateful for their family, it likely means their relationships are very important to them. If they’re grateful for their job, they probably have a lot of passion for their career. And if they’re grateful for you, it means they love you a lot!
- Being grateful for the little things has a direct correlation with happiness in relationships. [14] X Research source
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Talk about vacations to plan for future travels. Not only is it fun to talk about your travel plans, but a fun vacation spot can vary for a lot of people. Maybe your partner wants to lounge on the beach, or maybe they want to explore a museum. Their dream vacation can tell you a lot about your partner’s character and what they like to do for fun. [15] X Research source
- Plus, you can create a goal to save up for your dream vacation together.
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Learn what their ideal relationship looks like so you can work toward it. Some people want a partner who they see every day, while other people prefer their space. Some people want their partner to give them advice, while others just want comfort. Learning these things about your partner helps you be a better significant other and avoid conflict down the road.
- This can be a complex question to pose. Try asking something like, “What can I do to make your life easier in small ways?” or, “What does your ideal partnership look like?”
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Your partner’s weaknesses give you insight into who they are. While this might sound like a scary question to bring up, learning what your partner struggles with and is actually working on can tell you about their morals and their values. Try talking about what your weaknesses are, too, to make your partner feel better about opening up. [16] X Research source
- You might ask something like, “What are you trying to work on in your life?” or, “I think my biggest weakness is my procrastination. What about you?”
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Knowing your partner’s favs lets you pick them up a little treat. Maybe you stop by the store on the way home and you want to grab them some candy, or you’re picking up coffee in the morning before heading over. Knowing their go-to snack, drink, or food preference will make your partner feel loved. [17] X Research source
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Learning your partner's biggest fears helps you comfort them. It might be something relatively mundane, like being scared of spiders or snakes, or something serious, like a fear of abandonment. This question will give you insight into who your partner is, and it will help you comfort them if they ever feel truly afraid. [18] X Research source
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Discover your partner’s goals by asking what they’re working toward. Maybe they have a specific talent in mind, like learning to play the guitar. Or, maybe they want to get better at expressing their feelings to people. Whatever it is, this answer will uncover more about your partner and help you support them in the future. [19] X Research source
- Offer your own answer to make your partner feel more at ease. “I’m working on not taking my anger out on other people. What about you?”
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Tips
- Remember, your “ideal” partner might not check every single one of your boxes. Find someone who you’re mostly compatible with and work on getting to know them more.Thanks
- You don’t have to learn all of this at once, especially in a new relationship. As you get more comfortable with each other, you and your partner will naturally learn more about each other.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationship insights, check out our in-depth interview with Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT .
References
- ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/whats-your-favorite-persons-love-language-heres-how-to-tell-and-how-to-use-it/
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/news/a36071/how-to-ask-where-relationship-going/
- ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/stress/for-friends-and-family/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/202010/the-importance-shared-interests-in-relationships
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-partner-doesnt-support-your-career-dreams
- ↑ https://foodallergycanada.ca/negotiating-allergies-romantic-relationships-marriage-six-tips-making-work/
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/17/fashion/weddings/tips-for-meeting-the-parents.html
- ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/communication-tips-for-interfaith-couples/
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/lovebetter-how-to-love-someone-with-different-political-views/
- ↑ https://stanfordmag.org/contents/should-i-have-kids
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2021/08/16/1028081097/money-financial-intimacy-talk-relationship-advice
- ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/relationship-compatibility/
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/07/well/family/sex-talk-couples.html
- ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/pere.12094
- ↑ https://hellorelish.com/articles/romantic-questions-to-ask-your-partner.html
- ↑ https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/7-ways-to-communicate-your-weaknesses/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/questions-to-ask-your-boyfriend/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/questions-to-ask-your-boyfriend/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/questions-to-ask-your-boyfriend/
About This Article
This article was co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden
. Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. This article has been viewed 26,536 times.
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Co-authors: 4
Updated: June 3, 2024
Views: 26,536
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 26,536 times.
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