Toxic Family Test

Is your family of origin dysfunctional?

Families can be confusing, overwhelming, and, sometimes, even toxic or abusive.

It can be hard to tell what’s a “normal” family dynamic and what dynamics may be unhealthy, but by answering the questions in this quiz, you may be able to get an idea of whether your family environment was or is dysfunctional—and where to go from there. Click “Start Quiz” to begin.

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Questions Overview

1. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents created a lot of drama at home.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
2. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents never seemed to take responsibility for their toxic behavior.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
3. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents were really disrespectful or critical towards me or other kids in my family.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
4. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents always seemed resentful towards one another and the rest of the family.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
5. How accurate is this statement?
Growing up, I (or someone else in my family) was made fun of, shamed, or humiliated when I was vulnerable and needed help or guidance.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
6. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents or caregivers ignored problems in their own lives or in the lives of their children, which only made the problems worse.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
7. How accurate is this statement?
Growing up, I often had unrealistic expectations forced on me, or I saw them forced on other kids in the household.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
8. How accurate is this statement?
Growing up, I (or another child) was often expected to be self-sufficient or take care of other children, when we should’ve been taken care of by our caregivers.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
9. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, I (or another kid) was expected to be more emotionally responsible and reliant than my parents.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
10. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents or caregivers were involved in unstable or unpredictable relationships (for instance, they were involved in on-again-off-again relationships or their relationships were very dramatic).
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
11. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents often responded poorly to upsetting events or situations—for example, if I got hurt, they would get angry instead of helping me.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
12. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents acted like the world was against them (for example, they seemed paranoid or they acted like everything they did was a sacrifice).
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
13. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents lived through me or other children.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
14. How accurate is this statement?
When I was growing up, my parents were narcissistic or really self-obsessed.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate
15. How accurate is this statement?
Looking back, I feel like there was abuse happening in my household—either to myself or to other people.
  1. Very accurate
  2. Pretty accurate
  3. Not very accurate
  4. Not at all accurate

More Quizzes

Did you like this quiz?


You may have grown up (or are still growing up) feeling like a burden, or as if you needed to take care of yourself. Maybe you were forced to be \u201cthe adult\u201d in the family, and to grow up much faster than you should have. Maybe your needs were treated as unimportant, or you were viewed as merely an extension of one of your parents, rather than as a complete, whole individual.

Whether you\u2019re still in contact with your family of origin or not, we want to tell you that you were never<\/i> a burden, and no child should ever have to feel this way. We hope that you\u2019re able to get some distance\u2014if not literal, then emotional and psychological\u2014from any adults in your life who left you feeling unwanted or burdensome, or who may have gaslit you into believing you weren\u2019t worth all the love, care, and respect possible.

The feelings instilled in you as a child can follow you into adulthood, so if you\u2019re still grappling with confusing or traumatic emotions, that\u2019s understandable. We encourage you to reach out to a therapist with training in family systems; they\u2019ll be able to offer support as you navigate healing from your past, as well as help you figure out steps for the future.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/I-Hate-My-Family"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Deal with Toxic or Frustrating Family Members","id":441530,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives","image":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/87\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives-Step-19.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives-Step-19.jpg","alt":"How to Deal with Toxic or Frustrating Family Members"},{"title":"Reasons You May Hate Your Family & How to Deal With Them","id":14068359,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/I-Hate-My-Family","image":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b5\/I-Hate-My-Family-Step-20.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-I-Hate-My-Family-Step-20.jpg","alt":"Reasons You May Hate Your Family & How to Deal With Them"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":2,"text":"Your family may have been toxic.","meaning":"Based on your answers, it sounds like your family may have been somewhat dysfunctional while you were growing up. We\u2019re sorry to hear that. It seems like maybe your parents or caregivers didn\u2019t treat you or the other kids in your home\u2014or perhaps each other\u2014with as much respect and compassion as they should have.

You may have grown up (or are still growing up) feeling like a burden, or as if you needed to take care of yourself. Maybe you were forced to be \u201cthe adult\u201d in the family, and to grow up much faster than you should have. Maybe your needs were treated as unimportant, or you were viewed as merely an extension of one of your parents, rather than as a complete, whole individual.

Whether you\u2019re still in contact with your family of origin or not, we want to tell you that you were never<\/i> a burden, and no child should ever have to feel this way. We hope that you\u2019re able to get some distance\u2014if not literal, then emotional and psychological\u2014from any adults in your life who left you feeling unwanted or burdensome, or who may have gaslit you into believing you weren\u2019t worth all the love, care, and respect possible.

The feelings instilled in you as a child can follow you into adulthood, so if you\u2019re still grappling with confusing or traumatic emotions, that\u2019s understandable. We encourage you to reach out to a therapist with training in family systems; they\u2019ll be able to offer support as you navigate healing from your past, as well as help you figure out steps for the future.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/I-Hate-My-Family"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Deal with Toxic or Frustrating Family Members","id":441530,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives","image":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/87\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives-Step-19.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives-Step-19.jpg","alt":"How to Deal with Toxic or Frustrating Family Members"},{"title":"Reasons You May Hate Your Family & How to Deal With Them","id":14068359,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/I-Hate-My-Family","image":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b5\/I-Hate-My-Family-Step-20.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-I-Hate-My-Family-Step-20.jpg","alt":"Reasons You May Hate Your Family & How to Deal With Them"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"Your family may have been slightly toxic.","meaning":"Based on your answers, it sounds like your family may have had some dysfunctional tendencies, but still tried their best. Maybe there were times when your needs weren\u2019t met or you had unfair expectations forced upon you, but most of the time, your caregivers were there for you and supported you.

Even if your family life was happy and healthy most of the time, moments of dysfunction\u2014of feeling like a burden, of not feeling cared for\u2014can stick with you well into adulthood. Whether you\u2019re still in contact with your family of origin or not, we want to tell you that you were never<\/i> a burden, and no child should ever have to feel this way.

If you\u2019re still grappling with any confusing or traumatic emotions from your childhood, that\u2019s understandable. We encourage you to reach out to a therapist with training in family systems; they\u2019ll be able to offer support as you navigate healing from your past, as well as help you figure out steps for the future.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/I-Hate-My-Family"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Deal with Toxic or Frustrating Family Members","id":441530,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives","image":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/87\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives-Step-19.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives-Step-19.jpg","alt":"How to Deal with Toxic or Frustrating Family Members"},{"title":"Reasons You May Hate Your Family & How to Deal With Them","id":14068359,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/I-Hate-My-Family","image":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b5\/I-Hate-My-Family-Step-20.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-I-Hate-My-Family-Step-20.jpg","alt":"Reasons You May Hate Your Family & How to Deal With Them"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":4,"text":"Your family doesn\u2019t sound toxic.","meaning":"Based on your answers, it sounds like your family life was mostly fairly calm and healthy! That\u2019s great! No family is perfect, but by and large, it seems like your caregivers did their best, and were active participants in your life who took responsibility for their behavior and made sure you were well taken care of and loved.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/I-Hate-My-Family"}],"link_data":[{"title":"How to Deal with Toxic or Frustrating Family Members","id":441530,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives","image":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/87\/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives-Step-19.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives-Step-19.jpg","alt":"How to Deal with Toxic or Frustrating Family Members"},{"title":"Reasons You May Hate Your Family & How to Deal With Them","id":14068359,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/I-Hate-My-Family","image":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b5\/I-Hate-My-Family-Step-20.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-I-Hate-My-Family-Step-20.jpg","alt":"Reasons You May Hate Your Family & How to Deal With Them"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Childhood<\/picture>","alt":"Childhood Trauma Test"},{"title":"Did My Parents Have a Negative Parenting Style Quiz","id":13840209,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Negative-Parenting-Test","image":"\"Negative<\/picture>","alt":"Did My Parents Have a Negative Parenting Style Quiz"},{"title":"Do I Need Therapy Quiz","id":14632650,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Do-I-Need-Therapy","image":"\"Do<\/picture>","alt":"Do I Need Therapy Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"The future","result":"Awesome! We found these quizzes just for you:","next_quizzes":[{"title":"How You Can Discover Happiness","id":14456136,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/What-Do-You-Need-To-Be-Happy","image":"\"What<\/picture>","alt":"How You Can Discover Happiness"},{"title":"What Should I Be When I Grow Up Quiz","id":14072241,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/What-Should-I-Be-when-I-Grow-Up","image":"\"What<\/picture>","alt":"What Should I Be When I Grow Up Quiz"},{"title":"When Will I Get Married Quiz","id":14412577,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/When-Will-I-Get-Married","image":"\"When<\/picture>","alt":"When Will I Get Married Quiz"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>

What are signs of a toxic family of origin?

Toxic families rely on cycles of abuse, criticism, and manipulation to thrive, and it’s very hard to break these cycles, though it’s definitely not impossible. Not sure if your family (or the family you grew up in) is toxic? Not all toxic families are toxic in the same ways, but if anyone in your family exhibits any of these traits, it’s likely they’re dysfunctional:

1. They gossip or criticize you. Whether the toxic family member is an adult or older sibling, they may gossip about you behind your back, leaving you feeling on edge any time you’re around them: what will they say about you once you leave? Will they talk about you to other people?

2. They pick on or exploit your weaknesses. Often, our family members are the people who know us the best—and are thus in the best position to prey on our weaknesses. A toxic family member may use what they know about you to exploit you or hit you where it hurts most.

3. They won’t allow you to change. Despite being overly critical of you, toxic family members also may express disappointment when you change or insist that you’re “not you” when you exhibit signs of personal growth and maturity, or when you simply try to be yourself.

4. There’s competition for attention within the family. Toxic caregivers may favor one “golden child” over the others, or they may single one child out as the “black sheep.” This may cause the children to feel competitive with one another.

5. Abusive behavior is tolerated or ignored. If a child experiences mistreatment by a sibling or adult, a toxic caregiver may pretend it isn’t happening or accuse the child of lying in order to avoid dealing with the reality of the situation or taking any responsibility for it. If they do acknowledge the mistreatment, they may insist that it’s “not that bad.”

6. The family environment is unpredictable or dramatic. Being home should feel peaceful and comforting—but a toxic family environment may feel volatile. You may feel as if you’re walking on eggshells around certain family members, uncertain if or when they’ll suddenly explode for no apparent reason.

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