How to Trust a Guy You Met Online

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Online dating is a fun way to meet new people and find that special someone you've been longing for—but how can you tell when a guy is trustworthy? It's harder to tell you've got a keeper when you haven't met face-to-face, but there are a few tried-and-true methods for finding reliable guys on dating apps. We're here to teach you everything you need to know about building trust with guys online so you feel safe enough to meet them in person!

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Collette Gee. Check out the full interview here.

1

Make sure his dating profile is detailed and specific.

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    If he has barely filled out any information, he may be trying to hide something. Check out his dating profile carefully; ideally, it'll include more than one photo (especially solo photos, as opposed to group photos where it's hard to tell who he is), a bio, and a couple of linked social media accounts. [1]
    • Read over his bio for red flags. For instance, a guy whose dating profile focuses on sex likely isn't trustworthy. Similarly, guys who mention being widowed (and other sad stories) in their bios are often scammers or catfishers.
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2

Check for activity on his social media accounts.

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    Look at the photos on his dating profile, then find a link to his Instagram and look at those photos. If they match, you know he's a real person. Ideally, his social media accounts will be fairly active and reinforce information available on his dating profile. You don't need to stalk him; just do a quick check for reassurance.
    • If there are no links on his dating profile, you can do a Google Images search using one of his photos; this should locate his Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts if he has them.
    • If you're messaging a guy with no social media accounts, it doesn't mean he's automatically a faker—but it does mean that getting to know him is even more crucial, so you can confirm that he's authentic and trustworthy.
3

Ask him lots of questions about himself.

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    He'll happily open up to you about his interests, daily life, friends, family, and more if he's trustworthy. Get to know him by digging deeper into topics rather than skipping around from subject to subject. Once you start talking about something—like where he grew up—ask questions that expand on the topic and help you learn more about him. For example:
    • Questions like "Where are you from? What's your favorite childhood memory?" and "What movie could you watch a million times and never get tired of?" will help you learn more about his life and interests.
    • Online dating can be a delicate balance; neither of you should be giving out sensitive information like your address just yet. Dark personal secrets are also no-nos until later in the relationship.
    • He might not open up to you right away if he's shy. If everything else about him seems solid, but you don't know much about him yet, give him some time to open up without assuming he's untrustworthy.
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4

Make sure everything he says adds up.

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    It's natural to want to impress the people you like, but honesty is the best policy for online dating. [2] On the other hand, if he lies to you , it'll be difficult to keep the lie up over time. Compare the conversations you've had and search for anything that doesn't line up. If the stories he tells are consistent, he's worth your time and affection.
    • If you suspect him of lying, think about everything he's told you. Liars tend to use the "I" pronoun less in speech and texts. They also tend to write shorter dating profiles, so they don't contradict themselves. [3]
5

Be wary of guys who ask for money or bail on you.

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    Trustworthy guys will not make demands of you (especially financial ones) when you chat online. They also won't start avoiding you out of the blue and offer vague excuses that don't make sense after disappearing. It's a good sign if he doesn't do either of these things. Unfortunately, if he does, you might need to consider breaking things off.
    • Also, watch out for guys who make sexual comments on your photos and use overly forward pickup lines early on. Being too sexual is typically a sign that the guy is using you and not really interested in a relationship. [4]
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6

Reflect on whether he honors his commitments.

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    Does he keep his promises? When you meet a guy online, pay attention to whether he messages you when he says he will—and later, whether he shows up to dates on time or bails. It's understandable if something comes up once or twice, but he should have a good excuse.
    • Frequent cancellations and silent periods where he doesn't message you are both signs that he's not trustworthy.
    • If you're talking to a trustworthy guy, he'll be quick to apologize and make alternate arrangements if plans fall through. He'll also have nothing to hide and be willing to explain why he's changing your plans.
7

Make sure he respects your boundaries.

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    Boundaries are critical for online dating: information like your address, work number, and perhaps even personal number should stay confidential until you fully trust him. A good guy won't push you to do or reveal more than you're comfortable with. He'll respect and work within your boundaries while being honest about his own. [5]
    • Decide what info you're comfortable sharing before making your profile. Most contain a first name, photos, and interests. Other information—including last names and phone numbers—stays confidential until you decide to share.
    • Communicate your boundaries to guys when you need to. For instance, if he asks for your number but you want to keep it confidential until after the first date, tell him so. A trustworthy guy will accept it and move forward!
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8

Trust him if he genuinely cares about you.

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    He might ask you to text him when you get home or ask you if you're all right after a tough day at work. He'll encourage and support you in all your endeavors. He'll think about your well-being first and foremost and back up his sweet talk with thoughtful actions that prove how much he cares—while still sticking to your set boundaries. [6]
9

Always trust your instincts.

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    When you're chatting with a seemingly perfect guy, you get a gut feeling that something is wrong, don't ignore it. You're more perceptive than you give yourself credit for! Reevaluate your relationship with the guy and figure out why trusting him feels so difficult. You may need more information from him—or you may need to break things off. [7]
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10

Request a video call.

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    Video calls mean less risk for you while still seeing one another, so it may set your mind at ease to connect with him over Skype, Zoom, or FaceTime. Getting a firsthand sense of his tone and body language will help you feel more comfortable trusting him.
    • Conversely, if he's lying to you, it'll be easier to spot when you can see and hear him.
    • It's also suspicious if he avoids or cancels the video calls you try to schedule.
11

Invite him to meet in person.

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    Video calls are a great primer, but every relationship needs face-to-face interaction sooner rather than later. Meet up in a public place where there will be many other people around; it's a good sign if he agrees without backing out or trying to persuade you to meet in private.
    • Make sure you always let someone know where you're going before meeting up in person! Even if he's been trustworthy so far, it's always safest to keep a friend in the loop. [8]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201207/insights-can-you-spot-online-liar
      4. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/6-things-to-look-out-for-when-online-dating/
      5. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/things-to-think-about-when-online-dating/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201411/5-ways-decide-who-you-can-trust
      7. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/6-things-to-look-out-for-when-online-dating/
      8. ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips

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