17 Mind-Blowing Ways to Turn Your Partner On Tonight

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Spice up your lovin’ with these sizzling strategies
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Are you in the mood? Hot to trot? Do you want to turn your partner on and make them feel super fine? Whether you’re not sure how to go about revving your partner’s engine or you’re just looking for some new ways to get things going, we’ve got you covered! We compiled a list of tried and true ways to turn on your wife, husband, or partner, including expert advice from licensed relationship therapist Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT.

How to Turn Your Partner On

  1. Romance your partner by giving them lots of attention.
  2. Flirt with them to make them feel desired.
  3. Be confident—being happy with yourself is a big turn-on.
  4. Touch them playfully and lovingly (with consent).
  5. Heat things up by sending them sexy texts.
1

Romance them.

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    Compliment them and make them feel good about themselves. Show them you care about them as a person and that you’re paying attention. Ask them about their day, and about their likes and dislikes.
    • Taking them out to dinner and a movie is nice, but that's not where the romance is: the romance is in knowing how to treat them right. Listen to your partner. Make them feel important by asking them about their life.
    • Compliment them on their looks, on how they dress, or the way they smile, as long as you are sincere. [1]
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2

Be spontaneous.

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    Jeney suggests small romantic gestures to get your partner feeling good: “It could be anything thoughtful like ‘I made you lunch today.’ It could be ‘I'm going to rub your back tonight when you get home from work,’ just like being very, very thoughtful about what your partner might need without them asking.”
    • Spontaneity and intentionality are “always really romantic,” Jeney says. “There's a difference between ‘We're going to go get dinner because we have to eat’ versus ‘Hey, I made dinner reservations for us at this really cool new place in the city.’”
3

Flirt with them.

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    Let them know you find them desirable. Sprinkle suggestive comments or even direct comments into your conversation to let them know what you're thinking. Be flirty and playful.
    • Try casually touching them. Brush their shoulder with your fingers, wrap an arm around them and give them a squeeze, run your fingers through their hair, tickle them—anything playful and light to let them know you want to be more intimate.
    • Jeney advises making eye contact and “holding it for a few seconds at a time and maybe looking back [to send] a signal that you're interested…. Expressions [with] your eyebrows and winking…could be considered flirting with your eyes.”
    • Don't be too coy about the compliments. If that dress your partner is wearing makes them look hotter than Arizona in August, tell them! Don't be crude, but if they've “packaged” their assets to be admired, let them know that's appreciated.
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4

Be confident.

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    Odds are, your partner likes it when you’re feeling good about yourself ! If you’re not feeling confident , fake it ‘til you make it. And keep this in mind: the more you "bluff" confidence, the more confident you will become—it's sort of a win-win situation.
    • Help yourself feel more confident by wearing clothes you feel comfortable and attractive in and adopting straight but relaxed posture. You’ll look the part—but you’ll likely also feel better and more empowered.
    • If you struggle with confidence regularly, try to be aware of negative self-talk as it flits through your head. Challenge any negative thoughts with positive affirmations.
      • For example, if you feel like you’re not good enough, try thinking about all of your good qualities and any personal achievements you feel proud of. [2]
5

Kiss them often.

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    Whether it’s a peck to say hello or a full-on makeout, injecting more kisses into your life will help keep you both in romance mode. Don't shove your tongue down their throat on the first kiss—work up to it. Kiss them like you mean it, and tease their lips with your teeth and tongue. [3]
    • Respond to their reactions: if they pull away when you try to kiss them, they may not be up for it. Go back to step one next time, and try again.
    • If they do respond, pay attention to their body language. If they are kissing but guarded, don't proceed further until their body language lets you know it's OK: they should reciprocate your kiss, or display open body language to let you know they’re comfortable.
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6

Send them sexy texts.

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    Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or you just want to let your partner know you’re thinking about them at work, a sexy message sent straight to their pocket is the perfect way to turn them on. [4]
    • Try something like, “I’ve been thinking about you all day…” to get things started, or “You. Me. Bed. 1 hour” to be a little more direct.
    • Emojis are your friends: certain emojis, like the eggplant (🍆), peach (🍑),taco (🌮), winky face (😉), or water droplets (💦) are good ways to let your partner know exactly what’s on your mind…
7

Send them sexy photos.

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    Up your sexting game by adding some visuals. You don't have to get X-rated (though you can); even just a photo of you biting your lip will likely get your partner going. [5]
    • Just make sure you have their permission to send sexy photos first, if you want to send some, and realize they may not want to send a photo back if they’re not comfortable with it.
    • Consider the context in which they might open the text: if they work in a busy office where anyone might see a naughty photo you send them, best to avoid sexting until you know they’re alone!
    • To avoid the above happening, try texting them, “Are you alone?” and wait for permission to send a photo. Asking first also has the double benefit of piquing their interest and making them curious for what you’re about to send.
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8

Touch them lovingly.

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    Show them you want them with physical affection. Dig your hands into their hair, and pull them towards you, kissing them harder. Bunch their hair in your hands, and pull gently. Kiss and caress their neck, shoulders, and arms. [6]
    • Pay attention to their erogenous zones, including the ears, elbows, knees, neck, wrist, breasts, nipples, or testicles. [7]
    • Where exactly you should touch them likely depends on your relationship: have you just started dating? Have you been intimate before? Have you been married for a while?
    • As a general rule of thumb, be less handsy if you’re new to touching each other or ask for permission first, and always respect your partner if they tell you to stop or if they remove your hands, no matter how long you’ve been together.
9

Show your partner what you want.

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    Pull them on top of you, so that whatever you want to kiss is near your lips. Roll yourself on top of them, and kiss them harder than you have so far. If your partner likes dominating you, try putting yourself under them.
    • Don’t force or pressure your partner into anything, and observe their body language to make sure they’re into everything you’re doing. If they pull back from your touch or seem to stiffen up, these are good signs they’re not enjoying what you’re doing.
    • Remember that you will often receive as much as you will give. If you're in the mood and want them to go out of their way to please you, try going above and beyond for them.
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10

Show them how to kiss you.

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    Want butterfly kisses? Give them butterfly kisses. When they make the first move, kiss them exactly the way you want them to kiss you. Kiss them hungrily if you want hard, passionate kisses. If you want little love pecks to begin with, give them to your partner and gently rebuff any attempts at harder kissing until you're ready.
    • Of course, when in doubt, speak up and tell them exactly what you like or ask what they like— “Kiss me harder,” “I love how you’re doing that,” “Show me what you want.”
11

Watch porn together.

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    Many adults watch porn alone, but did you know watching porn alongside your partner can boost your sexual intimacy and feelings of closeness? [8] Ask your partner if they’d want to watch a sexy video with you, and sit together—clothed or not—and feel the sexual tension rise!
    • If you’re not sure if your partner is into porn, or you’re not sure how they’d feel about watching it together, communicate with them clearly about your intentions first.
      • Ideally, have this conversation in advance so you can both be more level-headed and rational: “So, John, I was thinking about our sex life, and I was wondering how you’d feel about watching porn together? I hear it can be super hot.”
      • Of course, just having the conversation may be enough to turn you both on!
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12

Try mutual masturbation.

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    Masturbation is a great way to discover what you like in bed—and doing it alongside your partner will help show them what you like too, in addition to massively heating up the sexual tension. [9]
    • Mutual masturbation is also great if you’re apart and want to be intimate over video chat.
13

Show them you’re getting into it with soft moans.

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    Your partner will probably be turned on by the idea that they're turning you on, so don't be shy about telling them how you're enjoying what they're doing! [10] You don't have to say "I like that" (but you can), you could simply say "mmm" or moan softly into their ear.
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14

Try some dirty talk.

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    If you want to kick things up a notch, try saying explicitly what you like about them and what you want them to do, or ask what they like. [11]
    • Start the conversation so they know you're okay with it: “Ooh, baby, you like that?” is a good place to start.
      • If they don’t seem to respond much, they might not be into it, so it’s best to let it go and maybe revisit the subject later, when you’re not in the throes of passion, to see how they feel about it.
15

Use sex toys.

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    If you're looking to spice things up , try bringing some toys into your playtime. Sex toys can increase intimacy between partners as well as enhance orgasm. [12]
    • If you and your partner haven't used sex toys before, consider having a discussion about it before bringing them into the bedroom.
    • Sex toys are totally normal and healthy, but some people may feel uncomfortable with them, so you might benefit from having an open conversation about why you'd like to use them.
    • Consider turning an excursion to the sex shop into a hot date: pick out toys together to get the sexual tension flowing, and then go home and test them out.
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16

Swap who takes the lead sometimes.

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    Whether you’re typically more dominant or your partner is, swap roles now and then to be more spontaneous and increase the sexual tension. [13]
    • You can talk about this ahead of time—“Hey, babe, mind if I take the lead tonight?”—or take action in the moment to let them know what you want: for instance, if you’re normally more dominant, kneel before them to show you’re feeling more submissive.
17

Take sex slowly.

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    You may not want to jump into hard, passionate kisses right off the bat. Instead, don’t be afraid to take your time and go slow to increase the sexual tension . It’ll really rev your and your partner’s engines. [14]
    • When they start removing your clothes—don't let them. Instead, do it yourself. When they go to touch (and they probably will), deny them. Keep this up until neither of you can stand it anymore.
    • Slowing down sex not only increases the tension, it can help you both approach physical pleasure and intimacy more mindfully, leading to increased intimacy and better orgasms. [15]
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      Tips

      • There’s no one-size-fits-all way to turn someone on, as Jeney says. Instead, get to know what your partner enjoys over time, and be sure to have conversations about your expectations for your sex life together.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • After breaking the touch and then the kiss barrier, try mixing it up slowly, as a good progression into sex. Some sexy things to try are pushing them up against a wall, slipping a hand up their shirt, tugging at clothes, soft biting at earlobes, tracing with your fingers, and pulling away to smile for a few seconds. The absolute best turn on ever is definitely neck kissing, though.
      • Giving them a head massage can turn them on. I always messed with my guy's hair while he was making out with me and as soon as he'd try to move down, I'd deny him every time. He said it turned him on so badly. He would literally beg me to move forward.
      • If the other person is shy or insecure, then you should lean in slowly to give them time to think about whether or not they want to kiss you.
      • Girls love when you hug them from the back. Then whisper something sexy to her ear and that's it, she is already kissing you!
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15534510.2011.561556
      2. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/201902/why-do-people-kiss
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/un-numb/202404/safe-sexting
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/un-numb/202404/safe-sexting
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201303/the-power-touch
      7. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22969-orgasm
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-desire/202012/how-watching-porn-alone-or-together-affects-relationships
      9. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/24332-masturbation
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-new-resilience/201807/what-raises-or-lowers-your-sexual-attraction-to-someone
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/202009/talk-dirty-me-the-psychology-dirty-talk
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truth-about-exercise-addiction/201705/how-sex-toys-impact-relationships
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-desire/202006/the-sexual-science-masochism-and-submission
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-mindfulness/202203/how-being-mindful-during-sex-changes-everything
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-mindfulness/202203/how-being-mindful-during-sex-changes-everything
      7. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/basics/std-prevention/hlv-20049432

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’re in the mood and want to turn your partner on, you can make things more intimate by acting confident. Most people are turned on by confidence, so keep your posture upright and tell your partner exactly what you want. When the moment is right, give your partner a small, yet passionate kiss and see how they react. If they pull away, they might not be in the mood and you should try again some other time. If they lean in closer, slowly caress their body, starting with their hair and slowly moving to their more erogenous zones, like the neck and shoulders. As you heat things up, tell them how much you care for them and what you love about their body. For more tips, like how to make noises that will turn your partner on, scroll down.

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      Reader Success Stories

      • Paige Hunter

        Dec 24, 2016

        "When it said to be confident, I often forget that I am not trying to impress him, and that I'm kissing him ..." more
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