Expert Insight on What a Man Finds Attractive in a Woman

21 appealing qualities that you can develop today

Wondering what truly attracts Mr. Right? Look no further! We’ve compiled the ultimate list of what men find attractive in women, with expert advice from dating, relationship, and life coaches on how to play up your best traits and land the guy of your dreams. Read on and you might just be surprised at where looks land on this list…

1

Passion

  1. Men want a woman who is excited and passionate about her life, hobbies, goals, and dreams. So, the next time you meet a prospective partner, share what gets you fired up! Your enthusiasm is sure to spark his own passion in the best way. Dating Coach Hardy Jean says, “I think the number one thing that makes a woman irresistibly attractive is her ability to ignite passion in the man she's talking to...women who are able to pursue back, who are able to be spontaneous, who are able to equally respect and support the men but also keep him on his toes and challenge him to be a better version of himself.” [1]
    • To find your passion , take some time to explore your interests. [2] What’s something you love to do or learn about without getting bored? What are you interested in that’s motivated by your personal values?
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2

Sense of Humor

  1. Men want a woman they can laugh with, and they love it when a girl laughs at their jokes. Dating Coach & Matchmaker Laura Bilotta adds, “One of the best ways to put someone at ease and build a connection is to be willing to laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously and be willing to make fun of your own quirks and foibles.” [3]
3

Confidence

  1. One of the most appealing traits is being self-assured in who you are. When you’re comfortable in your own skin and don’t feel the need to compete with others, it gives you a certain kind of charm that men find appealing. [5] We all have flaws, but focus on your strengths and what makes you unique! Building your self-confidence will allow you to shine and attract the right partner.
    • Life Coach Sandra Possing suggests, “Even if you don't feel confident, you can straighten out your spine. You can drop your shoulders down and back. You can open your chest, you can hold your head high, it makes a huge difference.” [6]
    • Licensed Clinical Psychologist Ashley Smith, PhD, adds, “When it comes to really building confidence, the only way I know how to do that is through experience. So, you have to take those steps, stretch out of your comfort zone a little bit, put yourself out there a little bit, and see what happens.” [7]
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4

Authenticity

  1. You know how the saying goes, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” It’s true, and no one wants to date someone who’s trying to be something they’re not. So lean into your uniqueness and be exactly who you are . The right man will fall head over heels for the real you.
    • Relationship Coach Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA, advises, “If you want to be true to who you are, look inwards, sit in a moment of peace, and clear away that almost tangible noise that's in your mind and in your body. Get it cleared out and open up an empty space where you can start filling it with things that you want and the way that you feel.” [8]
5

Intelligence

  1. Smart equals sexy, and the science proves it! Men are more likely to find a woman physically attractive if she’s intelligent. [9] So, don’t be shy about showing off your smarts, teaching your man something new, and having deep, philosophical conversations. Chances are, he’ll find you irresistible.
    • This doesn't mean you have to be a rocket scientist to win him over. Reading books that interest you, staying up-to-date on current affairs, or brushing up on your trivia facts will give you interesting things to talk about with guys and show them you're an engaged, curious person.
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6

Happiness

  1. Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach Alessandra Conti says, “Being happy in your life is the most basic; it sounds so basic, but it's so vital to attracting a partner. Because if you're not happy in your life, you are not going to attract anybody, let alone a romantic partner.” [10] One study confirms that happiness is “the most attractive female emotion expression” according to men. [11]
    • So, if you want to attract a great man, work on developing your own sense of happiness and falling in love with your life.
    • Love & Empowerment Coach Jennifer Butler, MSW, explains, “Happiness is a choice. It's a practice. We truly have this internal source of joy within us. It's up to us how we keep that well...commit to doing three, four or five things that bring you happiness every single day because you can raise your happiness, it's a choice, and it's all in your actions.” [12]
7

Playfulness

  1. Men like women who like to have fun! Sure, we all have responsibilities to take care of, but make time to play and be silly. Laugh together, go on adventures, and don’t take life—or yourself—too seriously.
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8

Kindness & Empathy

  1. Men love to see the softer side of women. One study even showed that a person perceived as kind was actually rated as more physically attractive than a person perceived as unkind. [14] Demonstrate kindness not only to the guy you’re interested in, but the people he introduces you to (friends, family, colleagues) and anyone else you interact with, from the bartender to the grocery store clerk.
    • Show empathy for others, too. Licensed Clinical Psychologist Christy Irvine, PhD, explains, “Connecting with your own humanity can be really helpful in fostering empathy for other people...recognizing that you are a human being amongst other human beings on this planet, and that we all have some shared experience of being human.” [15]
9

Good with Kids

  1. Many women are attracted to men who are good with kids—and the reverse is also true. Men like women who are nurturing, patient, and loving because these traits indicate that they’ll make a good mother.
    • Share a sweet story about a kid you used to babysit, or invite the guy you’re dating to a family function and show him how great you are with your nieces or nephews.
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10

Communication

  1. We all know that strong communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Every couple is bound to disagree, and the way you handle those disagreements is key. Show your man that you can communicate clearly and calmly, no matter the situation.
    • Relationship Expert Elvina Lui, MFT, advises you to “Make him feel safe by validating his feelings, even if you [have] to give him negative feedback, do it from a place of empathy instead of criticism, so he knows you are on his side.” [16]
11

Emotional Intelligence

  1. Emotional intelligence is all about your ability to recognize and express emotions, as well as the way you recognize and respond to other people’s emotions. [17] And a woman who is emotionally intelligent will also be better at communicating and showing empathy, which are also traits that men look for in a long-term partner.
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12

Vulnerability

  1. Showing vulnerability lets a man see the softer side of you and will draw him in. So don’t be afraid to open up and share what you’re going through. Relationship Experts Kemar & DeAnne Johnson explain, “Although independence is important in a relationship, you still want to be vulnerable with your partner so that you'll have a more secure bond...your partner...is also going to be your best cheerleader.” [19]
    • Licensed Professional Counselor Casey Lee, LPC, adds, “Without vulnerability, you can’t receive or give love fully...it can make opening yourself and pulling close really scary. We develop ways to protect ourselves from being hurt, but we could also block off feeling deeply with another, with how we protect ourselves.” [20]
13

Honesty

  1. Being honest shows that you have integrity and can be trusted, which are qualities that men seek in a long-term partner. In fact, one study shows that women who are honest are actually perceived as more physically attractive to men. [21]
    • With that in mind, Dating Coach & Matchmaker Louie Felix says, “So make sure that everything that you're talking about is what you really think, what you really feel, what you really believe in—stop trying to “impress the other person”...Keep it genuine.” [22]
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14

Loyalty

  1. Research shows that loyalty and commitment are the most important factors in long-term relationships. [23] Licensed Relationship Therapist Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT, agrees, noting that “Loyalty is a big one,” and to make sure the man you’re dating knows that you’re committed and that they’re the only person in your life you’re romantically connected to. [24]
    • Be loyal by demonstrating faithfulness to your partner, standing up for them, and avoiding betraying their trust.
15

Forgiveness

  1. We all make mistakes, and guys want a woman who isn’t going to hold a grudge when they mess up. While this doesn’t mean you should let toxic behavior slide or give your man 17,000 chances, it does mean forgiving him when he makes a mistake, owns up to it, and apologizes.
    • Clinical Psychologist Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS, explains that “Forgiveness allows the grudges, bitterness, and resentment to dissipate. In essence, you are allowing yourself to come to a place of peace and personal acceptance.” [25]
    • Licensed Clinical Psychologist Evan Parks, PsyD, adds that, “Forgiveness is not forgetting what happened and never thinking about the problem again. Neither does forgiveness mean being reconciled with a person who hurt you, especially when the person has not changed their hurtful behavior.” [26]
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16

Independence

  1. Men are attracted to women who have their own lives, friends, and hobbies. So don’t give up on everything you care about when a hottie slides into your DMs! Instead, find a balance. Licensed Therapist & Certified Sex Therapist Charity Danker, LPC, explains that men “want women that can have a balance between meeting him and wanting to have quality time with him…wanting to have that shared partnership with him, but also allowing him to be free…the guy still wants to hang out with his guys...without being made to feel guilty.” [27]
17

Stability

  1. We all go through ups and downs, and men want a woman who can navigate the choppy waters of life with grace. If you handle stress well and can face challenges without becoming overwhelmed, you’re well on your way to attracting a man who will admire your composure.
    • Certified Life Coach Rachel Clissold notes that you can develop more stability. She explains that, “It's really taking that time to do the inner work and to regulate your nervous system, and address the issues of the past so that you can live an amazing life. So, if you don't have a solid foundation within, then life is going to be rocky.” [28]
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18

Patience

  1. Patience is all about being able to tolerate difficulties and delays—without getting frustrated or upset. Consider this: you and your paramour are about to embark on a tropical holiday when your plane is delayed by hours. Would you want your man to get angry and make the wait miserable, or take it in stride and find a fun way to pass the time? The latter, right? Well, men want the same thing from their partner!
    • The good news is that patience is a skill, so you can develop patience if it’s something you struggle with.
    • Life & Career Coach Annie Lin, MBA, shares this tip for self-regulation: “Slow down your breath to activate the parasympathetic nervous system to be more relaxed. Stay grounded by feeling your feet on the ground and let your anxious thoughts drop back down and rest in the body.” [29]
19

Optimism

  1. Life can be tough, and we all face challenges. Show him that you can still look on the bright side and make the most of every situation by being optimistic and hopeful. Everyone loves to be around someone who can raise their spirits.
    • Developmental Psychologist Leslie Bosch, PhD, explains, “Optimism helps people to just have courage to move forward, to try something, and to hope for the best, even if it doesn't go the way they expect the first time...Whereas pessimism sort of prepares you to move back.” [30]
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20

Talent

  1. Talent is hot, plain and simple. It displays both a natural affinity for something as well as the hard work and determination it takes to hone a skill. Whether you’re an excellent horseback rider, an engineering whiz, or the executive chef at a restaurant downtown, tell your next date about it to reel him in. Better yet, take him on a ride, engineer something to solve a problem he faces, or treat him to a home-cooked meal.
    • Not sure where your talents lie? Take our “ What Am I Good At?” Quiz to find out!
    • Certified Life Coach Tracey Rogers, MA, adds, “Indulge curiosity...give yourself permission to be curious, and follow through with where your curiosity leads. From there, you may find that you're led towards what it is that you're really good at.” [31]
21

Looks

  1. Sure, guys are attracted to smoke shows, but your personality is much more important in the long run. And surprisingly, what many guys noted is most important about a woman’s looks is…cleanliness! That’s totally attainable for everyone.
    • Shower regularly, wear clean clothes, and go the extra mile for date nights—a cute hairstyle, natural makeup, a pretty dress or your favorite pair of jeans, and a little perfume will drive him wild. In fact, one study showed that men prefer a more natural look on women, especially when it comes to makeup. [32]
    • Conti leaves us with this parting advice: “Attraction begins with feeling attractive. It's so important to work on yourself and to really feel attractive in the way that you look, the way that you're presenting yourself, and the way that you're feeling.” [33]
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      References

      1. ↑ Hardy Jean. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ https://college.harvard.edu/student-life/student-stories/tips-finding-your-passion
      3. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ Susan Pazak, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach. Expert Interview
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201310/does-everyone-find-confidence-attractive
      6. ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview
      7. ↑ Ashley Smith, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      8. ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
      9. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0160289610001315
      1. ↑ Alessandra Conti. Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      2. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21604870/
      3. ↑ Jennifer Butler, MSW. Love & Empowerment Coach. Expert Interview
      4. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
      5. ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224540903365497
      6. ↑ Christy Irvine, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      7. ↑ Elvina Lui, MFT. Relationship Expert. Expert Interview
      8. ↑ https://mhanational.org/learning-hub/what-is-emotional-intelligence-and-how-does-it-apply-to-the-workplace/
      9. ↑ César de León, M.Ed.. Educational Leadership Consultant. Expert Interview
      10. ↑ Kemar & DeAnne Johnson. Relationship Experts. Expert Interview
      11. ↑ Casey Lee. Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC). Expert Interview
      12. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656606000043
      13. ↑ Louie Felix. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview
      14. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6702121/
      15. ↑ Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Licensed Relationship Therapist. Expert Interview
      16. ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      17. ↑ Evan Parks, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
      18. ↑ Charity Danker, LPC. Licensed Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. Expert Interview
      19. ↑ Rachel Clissold. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview
      20. ↑ Annie Lin, MBA. Life & Career Coach. Expert Interview
      21. ↑ Leslie Bosch, PhD. Developmental Psychologist. Expert Interview
      22. ↑ Tracey Rogers, MA. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview
      23. ↑ https://www.tararelationshipcoach.com/post/5-non-physical-qualities-men-find-the-most-attractive-in-women
      24. ↑ Alessandra Conti. Celebrity Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
      25. ↑ Shana Tibi. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview

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