8 Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Bites You (and What to Do About It)

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Learn why your partner bites you and how to talk to her about it
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If your girlfriend bites you, you might wonder what this means (or if you should be concerned). Biting your partner is a completely natural phenomenon that could be caused by a form of cute aggression, which happens when you see something absolutely adorable. All those positive, loving emotions get too overwhelming for the brain to handle, and to regulate them, your girlfriend might turn to the opposite emotion—aggression. Keep reading to learn all the psychological reasons your partner might bite you.

Things You Should Know

  • Your girlfriend most likely bites you because she’s experiencing cute aggression—a natural response to overwhelmingly positive emotions.
  • She might bite you in a sexual situation if she feels turned on by you or if she’s sexually aroused by the teeth marks she makes on your body.
  • If your girlfriend’s biting makes you uncomfortable, talk to her about your emotions and clearly set boundaries so both of you are on the same page.
Section 1 of 3:

Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Bites You

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  1. 1
    She has cute aggression. Cute aggression is a completely natural emotional response that can happen when someone finds something cute. [1] When your girlfriend sees something absolutely adorable (like you), it can cause her brain’s emotions and reward system to overwhelm her, producing aggressive thoughts that can lead to biting. [2]
    • Scientists think that the appearance of these aggressive, negative emotions can help you regulate and gain control over your overwhelming positive ones (like cuteness or love). [3]
    • Cute aggression is also the reason why some people want to pinch babies’ cheeks or why they want to squeeze an adorable puppy until it pops. [4]
    • Scientists estimate that about half of all adults sometimes experience cute aggression. [5]
  2. 2
    She’s trying to be playful with you. Acting silly and playing around with your partner can bring positive emotions, like happiness and laughter, into your interactions with them and help you foster a strong romantic relationship . [6] When your girlfriend bites you for fun, it might be her way of trying to build a strong bond with you.
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  3. 3
    She’s proving to you that you can trust her. Anthropologists have found that, like animals, humans might have evolved with the urge to bite as a way to show their allies that they trust them. [7] When your girlfriend bites you, she might do it to tell you unconsciously that she loves and appreciates you and that you can trust her.
    • Some believe that the impulse of mammals to nibble each other traces back to when the mammals were babies who drank from their mothers. [8]
  4. 4
    She wants to get your attention. If your girlfriend bites you while you’re focusing on something else, it may be her way of trying to get your attention. When you’re with your girlfriend, try to unplug from technology—turn off all unnecessary distractions that can get in the way of your time together.
    • Electronic distractions might include phones, computers, the television, and video games.
    • A 2016 study found that allowing technology to interfere with time with your partner can send her unconscious messages that you value distractions more than her and lead to conflict. [9]
    • She might also use playful biting to ease tense situations, cheer you up, or make you laugh. [10]
  5. 5
    She’s trying to relieve her stress or anxiety. Studies have often correlated stress with biting or chewing—nail biting, clenching your teeth, and biting on objects are all considered outlets for emotional tension and stress. [11] Like with cute aggression, your girlfriend might bite you to gain control over her negative emotions, like stress or anxiety.
    • For example, a 2016 showed that chewing gum has been found to reduce self-reported stress when chewed over a long period of time. [12]
  6. 6
    She’s acting on an impulsive thought. Impulsive thoughts are ideas or images that pop into your mind and are often considered inappropriate or taboo. [13] When your girlfriend bites you, she might be acting on a quirky harmless idea that just popped into her head.
    • An impulsive thought could also be like pushing over a beautiful expensive glass sculpture or throwing your cell phone out of a window.
    • Impulsive thoughts can come from various things around us or from emotions like stress or anxiety. [14]
  7. 7
    She’s curious to see how you would react. Biting can also be a way to test social bonds and see how the other person reacts. [15] If this is the first time your girlfriend has bitten you, it may be because she was feeling playful or silly and wanted to see what you would do if she gave you a little nibble.
  8. 8
    She’s communicating her desire for you. For some people, biting can be sexually arousing, especially during intimate situations. Others might feel turned on by seeing their teeth marks on their partner’s body because they can reflect dominance or playful ownership. Bite marks can also act as a physical representation of their emotions. [16]
    • The desire to bite your partner during sexual situations is another form of cute aggression—the intensity of all that passion and excitement can build up into an aggressive response. [17]
    • You always get the final say over your body, and you can withdraw consent at any time. [18] If you feel uncomfortable when your girlfriend bites you, talk to her about it and discuss your boundaries and expectations for sexual activities in the future. [19]
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Section 2 of 3:

Responding to Your Girlfriend Biting You

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  1. 1
    Tease your girlfriend after she bites you. When your girlfriend gives you a little nibble, try joking around with her to make her laugh. This can also be a perfect opportunity to flirt with her a little and make her feel appreciated .
    • “Someone’s feeling a little feisty today!”
    • “Careful! I might bite back. 😉”
    • “Wow, are you teething?”
    • “Alright, you’ve got my attention!”
    • “Woah! Save that for later. 😉”
    • “Do I taste good or something?”
    • “Should I take this as a compliment?”
  2. 2
    Bite her back or give her a soft kiss. Show your girlfriend you love and appreciate her with a kiss, or return the favor by biting her back! If she’s in a playful mood, you might tickle her , mess with her hair, or start a pillow fight.
    • If you bite her back, try biting down softly on a non-sensitive part of her body, like her arm or shoulder.
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Section 3 of 3:

Asking Your Girlfriend Not to Bite You

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  1. Talk to your girlfriend if her biting bothers you. If you don’t feel comfortable with your girlfriend biting you, talk to her about your needs and clearly set your boundaries . [20] You can say something like, “I really don’t like it when you bite me, it makes me feel uncomfortable” or “I feel annoyed and upset when you bite me. Please don’t do it.” [21]
    • You can also say “I think I’d prefer a kiss or a hug over a bite” or “I’m not a fan when you bite me, but I’d be good with a little cuddling?”
    • When talking to your girlfriend, answer any follow-up questions she might have and ask her how she feels about your request to make sure everyone’s feelings are understood. [22]
    • If your girlfriend is biting out of cute aggression, try suggesting another activity to express her emotions, like hugging you, squeezing your hand, or squishing a stress toy.

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      Tips

      • If your girlfriend’s biting hurts or if it turns into hitting, screaming, or other forms of abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788 right away. [23]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/12/31/679832549/when-too-cute-is-too-much-the-brain-can-get-aggressive
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6288201/
      3. ↑ https://clarkrelationshiplab.yale.edu/sites/default/files/files/Psychological%20Science-2015-Arag%C3%B3n-259-73.pdf
      4. ↑ https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/12/31/679832549/when-too-cute-is-too-much-the-brain-can-get-aggressive
      5. ↑ https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/12/31/679832549/when-too-cute-is-too-much-the-brain-can-get-aggressive
      6. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2021-28273-001
      7. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-we-want-to-bite-cute-things-like-adorable-newborn-babies/
      8. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-we-want-to-bite-cute-things-like-adorable-newborn-babies/
      9. ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-52280-001
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/202107/4-reasons-why-being-silly-is-so-good-relationships
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4450283/
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6410656/
      4. ↑ https://www.reviveresearch.org/blog/intrusive-vs-impulsive-thoughts/
      5. ↑ https://www.reviveresearch.org/blog/intrusive-vs-impulsive-thoughts/
      6. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-do-we-want-to-bite-cute-things-like-adorable-newborn-babies/
      7. ↑ https://www.insidehook.com/sex-and-dating/why-we-want-bite-our-partners-during-sex
      8. ↑ https://www.insidehook.com/sex-and-dating/why-we-want-bite-our-partners-during-sex
      9. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent
      10. ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent
      11. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-set-boundaries/
      12. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.htm
      13. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.htm
      14. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/

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