Hello and welcome to the commencement ceremony for the class of 2013. [Pause] Can you believe it? Look at you! You look like a bunch of nuns in those robes. I know some of you are too busy posting silly cap and gown photos on Instagram to pay attention to this speech, but I suggest you do because I have some wise words for you. Don't close up your smart phones, though. I want you to post this speech on Vine. And hashtag my name on Twitter. Do it. Now. Before I get started, I want to take a moment to thank those of you who have helped me get to this podium today, namely the teachers at this wonderful school, who have no qualms about taking bribes. Just kidding, Principal Williams! But seriously, aren't these teachers the best? Give them a round of applause. It's what they live for (because we know they aren't in it for the money). Today is our last day as high school students. This is a good and bad thing. Surprised? Listen, it's a good thing because if we want to, we could avoid homework for the rest of our lives. It's also a bad thing, because we don't get student discounts on movie tickets anymore. I know, it's awful. Anyway, some of you may remember Mr. Swanson's "Class Clown Downtown Timeout" where I spent a lot of my afternoons for some ill-fated prank or another. However, I still believe that I had it right all along: life is a prank. Think about it. It's always surprising, sometimes funny, sometimes annoying, sometimes rude, and sometimes scary. But you get over it. And that is my message to you, class of 2013. GET OVER IT. Life is too short for Twitter wars or reality TV. It's too short to spend all day playing Halo 3 in your mom's basement. It's too short to worry about if those skinny jeans make your butt look big, which is still something I am trying to figure out. They have the word “skinny” in their name. How could you possibly look fat? Got a bad grade? Get over it. Your girlfriend dumped you? Get over it. Your “bestie” tagged a hideous photo of you on Facebook? Get over it. Life is too short for most of the crap you will face trying to live it, and telling you that the world is your oyster (or however the cliche saying goes) isn't fair to you. You are smarter than that. You know that life has its ups and downs and all-arounds. Just like in high school, you will have your good days and your bad days. You will feel ecstatic, melancholy, bored, miraculous, spectacular, heartbroken, tired, super-tired, exhausted, happy, and content. Nothing can stop you from feeling the full range of emotions, both great and terrible. The only thing you need to remember is when something in life has you feeling less than stellar, say it with me…GET OVER IT. In fact, hashtag that! Let's see if we can get it trending by the end of the night. Congratulations, class of 2013. Live long and prosper!