Start the discussion by describing the behavior, using neutral language and “I” statements. “A lot of times, it feels like you don’t appreciate or care when I try to do something special for you, like when I washed your car last week and did all the grocery shopping. I didn’t do it just so you’d be grateful, but I felt like you just brushed it off like it didn’t matter.” “It doesn’t seem like you’ve noticed the extra hours I’ve been putting in recently. I’ve been picking up a lot of the slack for the whole team, and no one’s really offered to help. It’s been really tough to do on top of all my regular work.” Tell them how it makes you feel. “It makes me feel really underappreciated, and like you don’t care about the time I’ve put into our relationship.” “It makes me feel like my work isn’t being valued, which makes it hard to keep myself motivated and interested in what I’m doing.” Acknowledge how they might feel and suggest a solution or two. “I know you’ve been busy lately, and it’s probably just slipped your mind. But I would really appreciate it if you’d say something when I do something for you, or even just give me a hug.” “It’s been crazy for all of us these past few weeks, but I’d just like some acknowledgement of the work I’ve been putting in. I’ve been thinking about asking for a raise.” Ask how they feel. “Have you been noticing this too?” “What do you think about this? Is it something you’ve seen?” Set strict boundaries if they’re not receptive. “I need to feel like I’m appreciated. If you can’t do that, I can’t keep extending myself this far for someone who doesn’t even notice.” “I can’t keep going above and beyond like this, then—I’ve been really stressed lately and this hasn’t helped. I’ll keep doing my normal work, but I just can’t sustain this pace anymore.”