1. Convey assertiveness nonverbally. The body language we use often wordlessly conveys our feelings about ourselves and others. Practice carrying yourself in a way that shows you are both respectful towards the person you’re speaking with, as well as confident in yourself. * Receptive listening: When the other person is speaking, engage with what they are saying by nodding your head, making eye contact, and occasionally voicing your agreement or understand. This shows that you take what they are saying seriously. * Direct eye-contact: Look at the face of the person you are speaking with. You don’t need to stare unblinking into their eyes, but try not to let your eyes wander around the room. * Open body stance: Stand or sit fully facing the person. Keep your arms by your sides or in your lap—crossing your arms can come across as defensive or closed off. You want to appear relaxed yet alert. * Show your emotions: Don’t hide your true emotions about a situation. A lot of people, when they are confused or upset, will hide how they are feeling with smile or a neutral face in order to not cause offense. 2. Convey assertiveness verbally. In addition to your body language, practice letting your assertiveness show in the tone of your voice and in the way you speak. Displaying confidence and firmness in your voice as well as in your body language indicates confidence and sincerity. * Speak in a relaxed and firm voice: Keep your voice measured and your volume at an appropriate level (especially indoors!) Speaking too softly comes across as timidity, and raising your voice often ends up escalating an already tense situation. * Speak slowly and clearly: This will ensure that your message comes across in conversation. 3. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements Starting a sentence with “you” (“Why didn’t you do the work I asked you to do?”) sounds accusatory and will immediately put the other person on the defensive. Instead, focus on using “I” statements (I feel like you’re having some trouble with this work.”) This forces you to take responsibility for what you are thinking and feeling. 4. Directly communicate your needs and feelings. A key towards being assertive is making your thoughts and intentions immediately clear to other people. This isn’t rude—in fact, you can be very polite while still expressing your disagreement or displeasure. Indirect Direct It would be great if you could get that report in by 5:00. I’d like that report by 5:00. Did you mean what you said about Ashley? I’m concerned about what you said about Ashley. Wow, you don’t hear that everyday! That kind of language makes me uncomfortable. Please don’t say things like that.