Choosing a time to set ground rules If you know your non-partner well enough and feel comfortable setting the ground rules before any form of physical intimacy, do so. However, this can feel awkward if you don’t know them that well, and it may be best to wait until after that first kiss or light hook-up session (but you should discuss rules before having sex). Be clear about labels In order to have a successful FWB relationship, you need to make sure your non-partner is on the same page regarding relationship status. Express yourself directly and check in with them. Examples: “I just want to be clear about this, we are not dating and are free to hook up with other people. Does that sound good to you?” “We’re just having fun, right? I mean, we’re not dating and are free to see other people. Do you agree?” Establish a time commitment Seeing your FWB non-partner too often (especially if you end up doing date-like things) is basically just dating. Be clear about the number of times you’ll see each other each week and when (1 or 2 nights per week is reasonable). Examples: “I was thinking we hook up about once a week? Definitely night time if that works for you?” “Since we’re not dating, what do you say we rendezvous two nights a week?” Set an end point Agree to end the FWB relationship after a certain period of time or if one person gets too attached. Examples: “To be clear, if I feel like I’m starting to fall for you, then it’s over. And vice-versa, okay?” “Just so we’re on the same page, we’ll be friends with benefits just for the summer and then break it off, okay?” Communicate openly Be honest with yourself and the other person about how you’re feeling—you should both like eachother but not too much. And if you’re hooking up with someone else, be honest about it. Check in with your non-partner every so often (depending on your set end-point, if applicable) to make sure you’re both on the same page. Examples: “So have your feelings about me changed after hooking up? I’m feeling pretty stable. I like you but not like like you.” “Just so you know, I’m hooking up with another guy. And yes, we’re using protection so no need to worry!” Keep it casual Hanging out with your non-partner is okay as long as it’s clear that it’s not a date. After all, you should be spending more time in bed together than out of it! Examples: ✗ Things couples do (together and for each other) * Romantic dinners * Make them breakfast in the morning (if they spend the night) * Kiss them goodbye (or other loving gestures) * Double-date with friends * Shop together (for groceries, clothes, home goods, toiletries) * Take trips together * Take them to weddings as a “date” * Give gifts * Call “just to chat” ✓ Things FWB non-couples do * Hook up * Not spend the night (occasionally is okay as long as there’s no cuddling or goodbye kisses) * Have casual drinks (likely before hooking up) * Go to a bowling alley or pool hall * Discuss common interests Maintain independence The best thing about FWB relationships is that you can have all the time you want for yourself, so keep living your own life and let them live theirs. * Pursue your own goals * Keep up your hobbies * Go on solo trips * Respect your non-partner’s hobbies, goals, and daily life (by not butting in)