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如何让男朋友原谅自己

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共同创作者是 Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

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向他人道歉是很难的，尤其是当你做了连自己都感到后悔的事情之后。然而，如果你正处于一段恋爱关系之中，你可以做点什么来让对方原谅你。当然，其中最重要的一件事就是要真诚地向他道歉。

部分 1

部分 1 的 3:

面对错误

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犯了错误之后，首先要做的就是承认错误。人们总是会找借口来解释自己的所作所为，好让心里好受一点。但如果想要别人原谅你，你首先就要承认自己做错了，并且不再试图辩解。 ^{[1]
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不要把情绪作为借口，比如你当时十分生气，你就可能会把愤怒作为自身犯错的借口。但你要知道，只有首先承担了责任，你才能够真诚地向对方道歉，至于他接不接受，那是他的事。 ^{[2]
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这不是为了在男朋友面前读，而是为了让你不再试图解释自己的行为，或是自我辩解。这样可以使你更好地承担责任，做出补救。 ^{[3]
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部分 2

部分 2 的 3:

和他谈谈

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大多数人面对不喜欢做的事情总是会拖延。然而，你应该尽早道歉，越晚他只会越生气，也越受伤。
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不要在男朋友看球赛或读书的时候找他道歉，要选他空闲的时候，问他是否可以谈谈。如果他已经知道你做了什么，他可能就会猜到你想谈什么，但不一定猜得到你会道歉。 ^{[4]
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3
表示后悔。 你的语气和态度都要表明你对自己的所作所为真心感到后悔。不要试图打哈哈或者是开玩笑，要看着他的眼睛严肃地向他道歉。 ^{[5]
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- 比如，你可以说：“我真的真的为我所做的事感到抱歉。”
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4
承担责任。 同时，你还要在他面前承认自己做错了。这意味着要说出自己错在哪，以表示你清楚自己做了些什么。 ^{[6]
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- 比如，你可以说：“我知道拿你开玩笑伤害了你的感情，我在说之前就应该想到，你对那件事情很敏感。”
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5
谈谈你打算怎样做得更好。 在最后，你要表示以后你会做得更好，这会让事态开始好转。你无法让时间倒退，但你可以和他谈谈以后你会怎样去改变自己的行为。 ^{[7]
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- 在道歉的最后，你可以说：“下次我不会再这样说了，我应该对你更好些。我爱你，也尊重你，我会用行动来证明这一切。”
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6
倾听他的回应。 如果是第一次听你这样说，他可能会感到有些生气。你要让他发泄出心中的愤怒，不要试图去辩解。他需要有机会来谈论这件事，哪怕他确实清楚你在为什么而道歉，他仍然需要谈谈自己的感受和这样想的原因。因此，你需要给他机会，让他说说为什么你的所作所为伤害了他。 ^{[8]
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- 你可以问：“你对我说的这些是怎么想的？”
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7
承认他的感受。 最后，表示你理解他的感受，并表示自己在认真倾听，也理解他为什么难过。 ^{[9]
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- 一个方法就是重复他所说的话。比如你可以说：“你说我那样开你玩笑让你觉得受到了轻视，觉得自己不受尊重，我完全能理解你的想法，你也完全有理由这么想。” ^{[10]
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部分 3

部分 3 的 3:

放下过往

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有时，当人们真的受伤了，或是非常生气的时候，是需要一些时间来平复的。他可能会需要几天，甚至是一周来认真思考整件事情，从而使自己平静下来。 ^{[11]
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如果你想要他原谅你，争论是不可能解决问题的。一旦你已经道歉了，就不要再继续讨论这件事了，争论谁对谁错是说服不了他的。 ^{[12]
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如果你想做点什么来表达你的歉意，那就给他一个惊喜。你可以做一些饼干或送他一件有意义的礼物，这样能表示你仍然在乎他。
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4
所有人都会犯错。 你需要他来原谅你，好让这段恋情继续下去，这没错，但同时你也要原谅自己。每个人都会做错事，你犯的错其实可能并没有那么严重。就算是，你也不应该不停责怪自己。 ^{[13]
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- 这不代表你可以完全忘记自己犯了错，你应该吸取教训，在以后做得更好。
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尽管你非常希望他能原谅你，但没人有义务这样去做。如果无法得到原谅，你就要从这件事中吸取教训，放下过往，另外开始一段新的恋情了。 ^{[14]
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如果你担心自己道歉时会哭，没关系，这正好展现了你的诚心。

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共同创作者是 :

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

婚姻和家庭治疗师

这篇文章的共同创作者是 Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC . Moshe Ratson是美国纽约市的指导与治疗诊所spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy的执行总监。他拥有艾奥娜学院的婚姻和家庭治疗硕士学位，从事这行已经超过10年。这篇文章已经被读过22,262次。

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