How to Find Out if a Girl Is Mad at You: An Expert Guide

PDF download Download Article
Plus, how to fix things if she actually is upset
PDF download Download Article

Is your girlfriend suddenly acting differently around you? Are you getting the run around or the cold shoulder? Is she subtly making it known—or perhaps not so subtly—that you’ve done something to upset her? Rather than ignoring it in hopes that she’ll get over it, it's best to try to figure out whether something is wrong or if you're simply overreacting. If the special lady in your life seems peeved at you, keep reading for tips and tricks on how to mitigate the damage, with advice from psychology experts.

How to Tell if a Girl is Mad at You

If a girl is mad at you, she may cross her arms, avoid eye contact, or look upset when she’s around you. She may also communicate with you less or have a more snarky, frustrated energy than usual. If she's being quiet, snappy, or distant, ask her what you did to upset her, then apologize.

Section 1 of 3:

Signs She’s Mad at You

PDF download Download Article
  1. Not all people express anger verbally, so take a look at how she holds herself, as her body language can reveal a lot. Obvious signs of anger include shaking, trembling, or sweating, as well as a red or flushed face. Psychotherapist Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, says, “People [will] cross their arms, giving more closed-off energy versus open.” [1] Not all signs are this obvious, though, so consider the following too:
    • A clenched jaw or clenched fist [2]
    • Avoiding eye contact
    • Turning away from you [3]
    • Crossing arms over her chest
    • Frowning, rolling eyes, or otherwise cold expressions
  2. If she uses a mocking or strained tone, as if she is speaking through clenched teeth, she is likely not impressed with you. She may even use a sarcastic tone, mock you, or make fun of you when you're mentioned in conversation, or when you try to speak to her. According to Miller, “Some people get very snappy [when angry]. They sound annoyed, their tone changes, and they're quick to respond.” [4] Other signs to watch out for include:
    • Shouting [5]
    • Snapping at you
    • Not asking any questions or sounding generally disinterested
    • Answering questions vaguely
    Advertisement
  3. If a girl is angry with you, she might stop reaching out to you via phone calls or texts to subtly express her anger. She may also ignore your calls and take longer to reply to your texts (or even not reply at all). [6]
    • If she is texting you back, look for passive-aggressive anger, such as usually short or sarcastic replies or "How do you think I am?" when you ask her "How are you?" [7]
    • If she suddenly starts using periods at the end of her text messages when she never did before, this could be a sign of anger or aggression. [8]
  4. 4
    Her energy has shifted. Miller says, “Some people are very quiet when they're really angry, so note if there's a sudden shift in energy.” [9] If this person is typically bubbly, upbeat, and excited to see you, but you start to see changes in the way she greets you, speaks to you, or treats you in general, this could be a dead giveaway that you’ve done something wrong and that she’s mad at you.
  5. 5
    She’s overly critical all of a sudden. If your sweet and easy-to-please girlfriend is suddenly finding faults in everything you do, you may have done something to rub her the wrong way. If she’s criticizing your outfit, mannerisms, opinions, or anything else, take the feedback in stride and try not to bristle against it. If she’s already mad, you don’t want to add fuel to the fire!
  6. 6
    She plans things without you. If you’ve always spent the weekends together and your girlfriend starts blowing you off out of nowhere, it’s possible you’ve done something to warrant this change. If she’s really angry, she might be trying to get some space from you, which is valid. However, she could also be testing the waters to see if you notice that she’s acting differently, which should clue you in to the fact that she’s miffed at you. [10]
    • Cancelling plans last minute is another giveaway that she’s not thrilled with your recent choices.
  7. 7
    Someone tells you she’s mad at you. If one of your mutual friends tells you that you’ve done something to upset her in your life, you should probably believe them. Of course, it’s important to consider the source: is this friend trustworthy, or could they be trying to stir up drama? If you deem them to be reliable and credible, then listen to what they have to say, especially if you know that the girl in question confides in this friend. They might be able to offer some insight that you didn’t have before!
    8. Advertisement
Section 2 of 3:

What to Do If She's Mad at You

PDF download Download Article
  1. This could be at one of your homes, in a park, or in your favorite hangout spot. It may be challenging, but having a serious and honest conversation with her can help to address her anger, determine the cause of her anger, and potentially resolve the issue.
    • Let her choose the meeting spot. This will give her a level of control over the situation, which may make it easier for her to talk.
  2. It's never a bad idea to bring a peace offering with you to a potentially emotional conversation, especially if you may be in the wrong. Clinical psychologist Susan Pazak, PhD highly encourages this, and assures that a peace offering can be as simple as “their favorite food or drink”. [11] You can also consider bringing her flowers as a sign that you know she is upset, and you feel bad for what you may have done.
    • Having a peace offering can also make starting the conversation with her easier and help you ease your way into the discussion.
    • Keep it casual and don't make a huge scene, especially if you're in public. If she's mad at you, she may not want to be put into the spotlight.
  3. If you are not sure what you did, you may want to start the conversation by asking her directly why she is upset with you. For example, you could say, “I'm aware you're upset with me, but I'm not sure why. Can you tell me what happened, so I can understand and make things right?” [12]
    • If you have a pretty good idea why she’s upset, don't ask her this. If you have any suspicion as to why she may be upset. In this case, the issue is probably more obvious, so asking her will likely make her even angrier at you.
    • Miller suggests, “No matter what, it's always great to just be direct with your partner. You can say, ‘I may be reading this wrong, but are you okay? Did I do something to upset you?” [13]
    • Miller encourages direct communication “just to make sure that all the signals are correct, and you're not reading something wrong.” [14]
    • Additionally, Miller encourages a gentle approach, explaining that “people are just going to be much more receptive when they're not on the defensive.” [15]
  4. If you're aware of what you've done wrong, make a heartfelt apology to her. Start by acknowledging what you did wrong, and then go into a clear apology. For example, you may say, “I understand that you're angry at me for missing your birthday last week. I got caught up in my work and neglected your special day. I'm so sorry I did that, and I promise it won't happen again.” [16]
    • Once you've apologized, ask her, “Will you accept my apology?” If she says yes, show her your gratitude and be humble.
    • Pazak emphasizes the importance of owning up to your mistakes: “When your partner is irritated with you [...] Try to listen and understand that what you are doing or not doing is irritating. Stop the irritating behavior and replace it with a more loving kind behavior. Apologize, stop, and change.” [17]
    • Make amends for your mistake through action. For example, if you missed her birthday, take her out to a special dinner to make up for it, and ensure that you don't miss it next year. Pazak recommends that you “commit to being aware of [the behavior] and chang[ing] the behavior in the future.” [18]
    5. Advertisement
Section 3 of 3:

Final Takeaways

PDF download Download Article
  1. The best course of action is to simply ask her if she’s mad at you and why. If you notice changes in body language, communication, and energy coming from your special lady, it’s highly likely that you’ve done something wrong. Ask her what’s going on outright. Depending on her answer, clinical psychologist Gera Anderson, PsyD, suggests that you “accept any responsibility” and let her know “what you are going to do to rectify the situation, how you will provide restitution, and how your actions will change, should the situation arise in the future.” [19]

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    How do you tell if a girl is mad at you through text?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    That's a little harder to tell if she's not direct, given that it's the body language that shows some subtle signs of anger, like an upset look or a sudden shift in energy. When in doubt, ask. Obviously, do it tactfully.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 6 Helpful 8
  • Question
    What do you say to a girl when she's upset?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    You probably don't want to criticize her, so don't accuse her of being irritated. What you really should do is to make it about yourself. Tell her that you're sensing that maybe she's upset and ask if everything is okay. That's a gentler approach that should remove her from the defensive stance.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 3 Helpful 18
  • Question
    I proposed to the girl I love just two weeks ago and she told me she's thinking about it with a smile. Does that mean yes?
    Community Answer
    No, that means she's thinking about it. Don't push her to make a decision before she's ready.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 21 Helpful 81
See more answers
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Don't ask her what's wrong over text! It may come across the wrong way, and she could think you're starting an argument with her. It's best to approach her in person.
      • Remember, it might not be that you did something wrong. She could be mad at someone else or dealing with something in her personal life.
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      Ready to End a Friendship? Expert Tips on How to Break Up
      How to
      Avoid Drama
      How to
      Kiss
      How to
      Turn on a Guy
      How to
      Impress a Girl with Words
      What Are the Bases in a Relationship? Defining the Baseball-Sex Metaphor
      Celebrate Your One Month Anniversary with These Sweet Messages
      How to
      Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Horny: 12 Signs She's Turned On
      How to
      Have Phone Sex with Your Girlfriend
      100+ Loving, Funny & Appreciative Birthday Wishes for Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Compliment a Guy's Manhood: 14 Sexy Compliments
      Romantic & Funny Messages to Wish Him a Good Day at Work
      15 Sweet and Romantic Stories to Tell Your Girlfriend
      11 Steps to Convince Your Girlfriend to Send Pictures
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 19 July 2024.
      2. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/female-body-language/
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      4. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 19 July 2024.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/evolution-the-self/201405/the-rarely-recognized-upside-anger
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/202201/5-symptoms-repressed-anger
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/evolution-the-self/201704/3-reasons-why-couples-have-the-same-fights-over-and-over
      8. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_tips_for_reading_emotions_in_text_messages
      9. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 19 July 2024.
      1. ↑ https://www.couplesinstitute.com/does-your-partner-drive-you-nuts-the-passive-aggressive-personality/
      2. ↑ Susan Pazak, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach. Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/pointers-for-couples-to-prevent-resolve-misunderstandings
      4. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 19 July 2024.
      5. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 19 July 2024.
      6. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 19 July 2024.
      7. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_three_parts_of_an_effective_apology
      8. ↑ Susan Pazak, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach. Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.
      9. ↑ Susan Pazak, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach. Expert Interview. 22 February 2022.
      10. ↑ Gera Anderson, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 18 October 2021.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’re not sure if a girl is mad at you, try reading her body language for some clues about how she feels. When the 2 of you talk, look for obvious signs of anger, like trembling or a flushed face, as well as more subtle signs, like a clenched jaw or crossed arms. If she’s avoiding eye contact with you, then she might be mad but doesn’t want to verbalize it. Listen to the tone of her voice and take note if she sounds strained, sarcastic, or snaps at you. She might express her anger by avoiding you, so take note when she ignores your calls or answers your texts with short replies. While these clues might help clarify what she’s feeling, the only way you can know for sure is to ask her directly. For more help, like how to find out what you’ve done to make her mad, read on.

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 560,757 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Mia Martinez

        Dec 9, 2022

        "I am a girl and now that I know this... I'm going to still ignore him. But if I was a boy, I would take this ..." more
        Rated this article:
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement